Natedell becomes the third to succomb to my evil genius.
Kitties over Aaarrrgh! - Poor Christopher Geraldo Simms will spend this game running for his life before approaching nice guy Ronde Barber for a shoulder to cry on. Chucky's face explodes.
Bears over Vikes - I want to pick the Vikes, I really do, but I just can't. In other news, Lavender magazine, they of the "Bring out your inner gay" slogan plastered on buses, names the Vikes uniforms "Worst fashion attrocity of the last 25 years" just ahead of the Don Johnson "Loafers with no socks" fiasco.
Bungels over Ringers playing for Iron Workers - Chad Johnson said people are going to pay for the hit he took last week from ex-Vike Brian Russell that knocked him senseless. My sources tell me that Lewis puts him in at CB and sends him on a blitz to retaliate and take out the knee of the Steelers key offensive player, Alan Faneca.
Pretty Kitties over Meatmen - A riveting matchup in The House That Barry Would've Built If He Hadn't Hated Wayne Fontes. Frankly, I just don't care.
Indy over Jax - Fat Byron and his side kick Mushmouth, played by John Henderson, can't compete after a desperate Archie Manning orders a hit on Fred Taylor's groin.
Fins over Titties - Just because Saban wears that crazy old man hate during practice.
Skins over Sacks - Just before the game, Dan Snyder acquires Bennie Joppru as a backup TE for a first-rounder, a fourth-rounder, and $2 million.
Nevermore over Totally Incorrect Color - Kellen Winslow fires up Ray Lewis by telling him before the game, "You think you can take me? My daddy pays little girls like you not to hurt me all the time. I'm going to whip your little tush." Ray tears off his leg, slow roasts it with a honey barbecue glaze, and enjoys it in the second half after the Browns are down by 32.
S-hawks over Oversized Homosapiens - This is the week that all of Jay Feely's offseason tackling work pays off.
Iggles over 9ers - San Fran brought me great glory last week. This week they'll just bring me embarassment after I realize that I shrunk all their uniforms in the wash.
Hoyle over Silly Goats - In the bottle of Kurt Warner Cybertron 2000 vs. Kurt Warner Clone Cybertron v.4, how can you pick against the original. It's like comparing Lethal Weapon 2 to Lethal Weapon 4 with motherf_____ Chris Rock. Best to just leave perfection alone.
Patriot Act over Plumber Act - Where's a young Tommy Maddox when you need him?
Falcors over Aints - N.O. has everything going for them this week. Emotion. Homefield. Familiarity. The fact that there's not a hurricane destroying everything again. Everything, that is, except a defense.
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