Quote trifecta

1. Bears vs Saints. I’m gona start this game off with a quote that will hopefully epitomize what’s going on inside the bear’s large fur adorned head.

“I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so…… I’m so scared.”

Thanks Spano. If only the bears had a Zach to comfort you in an oversized purple suit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bflYjF90t7c
So, the bears are awkward indeed, what with their greatest strenth being their kick returner, and what with their QB saying weird things in interviews.

“…..and I don’t care how we win, I really don’t. We are in a position, where we are in the NFC Championship game. One win away from the Superbowl, and We are 2 wins away from me having a ring on my finger!"

Isn’t it your job to care how you win? Anywhoo. With all this being said. I’m gona have to go with my instinct here and choose to love the bears. With no plans to move out of this friendly town (Me and my wife were called “F@*&in Honkies” the other night) I should probably start showing some sort of bears recognition. Not to mention that I’m not a big saints fan. That kind of jazz really bothers me. And the whole witchcraft thing.
Bears by 3. with a kick.

2. Colts vs Pats. I’ll start this one off with a quote as well.
“Wild Bill Hickok: You know the sound of thunder, Mrs. Garret?
Alma Garret: Of course.
Wild Bill Hickok: Can you imagine that sound if I asked you to?
Alma Garret: Yes, I can, Mr. Hickok.
Wild Bill Hickok: Your husband and me had this talk, and I told him to head home to avoid a dark result. But I didn't say it in thunder. Ma'am, listen to the thunder.”

Listen to the thunder Lars. The Pats need to fall from their poop perch. And the colts are just the team to do it. What kind of name is Tom Brady anyway, it sounds like a pedophiles name. And their coach. Bill Belichick always looks like he just got out of bed. He’s like the real life George Costanza. And compared to Tony Dungy’s crazed eyes. If the game is up to the coaches, who would you pick? Costanza or a crazed Barock O’bama ready for some hand to hand combat, with dull weaponry. Colts by 7

Foolishness

My WDYL may be over, but I still must point out Lars' shortcomings. All year, nay for three years, you rip on my Colts love (which was not all that strong this year). More especially, you rip on my Bob Sanders love. Hawkeye? Yes. Totally Awesome Dude? Yes. A dynamo in the sack? Probably, but I have no knowledge of that situation. THE KEY TO THE COLTS D? You better believe it. And trust me when I say that the Pats receivers are going to be the Nick Wanamaker of the AFC Championship game. Meaning, they're not gonna show. Colts by Lars' New England shame.

In the other game, I think the Saints will win because they don't have Rex Grossman playing QB. Meaning that Lars will have to think about the Pats loss all week while he hears about the Bears loss all week. Saints by a post-Hurricane relief concert and some government aid.

Oh yeah, and raise your hand if you have to work during the S-Bowl. Um, that would be me. Stupid opera, you suck as an art form.

Leggie- Conference Confidence. Signing In

Well, the Legend improbable run continues. After Freebones dominance last year, I expected him to give me a better wild card week. I never expected the Dell to fold over Brad Childress style. I expect to be ranting against Lem-T this week - giving him advice on baby poop, daiper rash, and the milk "let down", but I've got another chance to take on the Hawkskskds. We've both had good years Hands, but it needs to end here. It's my year of destiny.

1. I love the Saints over the Bears in Chi-town!!! Much like Hansdsdfsdsfd's run this season, the Bears luck is bound to run out. I started out the season making the bold claim that the Bears were cocky coming into the season, making wierd draft picks and having a general aura of cockiness about them. They've had a great season despite their smug, muskrat-like GM, and soft spoken head master who kind of reminds me of a coaching version of Tim Duncan (sure he's good, but jsut shoot me if I have to watch him, in this case at press conferences. No one has ever said less in so many words in that much time). All of the Bear's ugly fans are going to be disappointed that they bought those tickets to Miami when the Saints and Pats are playing. On the other side of the ball, I love the Saints after watching last weeks game. I've always like Brees, and add that running game, the complex upfield blocking scheme, the quick scrappy defense, an intuitive punter, and the "it" factor they have this year, and I think this will be a sound win for the Saints. I'll take the Saints in Soldier field by 12. And so the Bears start thier offseason at about 5:20 on Sunday. Mark my words now Bears fans, if the Bears can go out and get Byron Leftwich (who is available and would be a perfect fit), I'll not only buy his Bears jersey but I will root for him all next year. Here's to dreaming. Until then, a pompous group will trot out a shell of a QB and expect to win a Superbowl. Man am I in a bad mood today or what? Saints by 12

2. I love the Pats over the Colts!!!! Lost in the midst of all of the hoopla this week is the fact that Peyton Manning has been pretty bad in the playoffs this year. We used to blame every Colt for not help Peyton out enough, but the savior thus far has been Bob Sanders. Here's the catch though, Bob basically stuffed the run and kept Gonzalez in check against the Cheifs. Well done Bob. Bob basically stuffed Jamal Lewis and manned the middle against the Ravens who don't have great outside speed. Now he's got to face the Pats. Are you gonna commit to the run against the Pats? Are you going to rough up Ben Watson and leave the flats open for Faulk or Dillon? What is Bob Sanders going to do when Brady picks on Nick Harper like he did Drayton Florence with Jabar Gaffney on the out-route? There are two many looks and there is no quarterback except for Peyton that safeties want to face less than Brady. I promise you that Brady will make them run all game. Now, I know what you're going to say: Isn't Peyton going to destroy the Pats secondary, Hobbs, Hawkins, Samuel, Sanders? Well, how confident are you after watching his last two games? And remember, the Pats own the Colts in Indy. From Williw Mcginnest sacking Peyton pushing him out of field goal range (Brady would've thrown it away) to Bruschi stuffing Edgerrin James four times on the one inch line to win the game in 03. Just admit it fellas, the Pats deserve this one. They are the better team with the better QB. I'll take the Pats by 1, winning on an Adam Vinatieri missed field goal.

Peace

Playoff Picks Yeah

Man, tough week. If last week was boneless buffalo wings, easy yet strange and unfulfilling, this week is those wings that have great sauce but you have to work really hard to find the meat.

1. Iggles over Saints - If I had to compare the Saints to something, it would be Paul's bike. Specifically, Paul's bike while we lived at 297 Dayton. You see, Paul had no space to store his bike, so he kept it in the bathroom, which is certainly an odd place to keep a bike. The other important point of this comparison is the fact that the bike never left the bathroom, meaning that Paul never used it. Anyway, the point is that Paul and the bike seemed like a great idea, but it just never quite worked out because of some problems that were too great to overcome. Just like the Saints. They're America's team and all, but they're flawed. Basically, the Iggles are being to be sitting on the pot and look over to see Joe Horn and Scott Fujita staring at them and looking confused.

2. Raves over Colts - The pregnancy book that Erin is reading to me at this very moment called the baby "your little linebacker." If I had an actual linebacker for a baby, I would definitely not want it to be Ray Lewis. He'd scare me a lot when he came out and I'd get really intimidated whenever he looked at me. If we were having a linebacker, I'd choose Hilary Swank. I'm quite certain that she has played a linebacker in an inspiring tale of perseverance in the face of long odds and persecution. I think she wouldn't be too bad, as long as she didn't bring that damn Chad Lowed with her.

3. Bolts over Pats - I haven't read the blog yet, but I couldn't be more glad that Lars is in this position. He loves the Pats because they're the whitest run team in America. He loves the Bolts because they were the dark horse became cool and trendy. Well my friend, now the rubber hits the road. Let's see where your loyalty truly lies.

4. Bears over Shawks - Let this be a reflection of how hard this week is to pick. I'm betting the farm on Rex "Jim Miller" Grossman. I'm banking on the fact that the horrible weather will cause baldy Hasselbeck to also play like diarrhea and that the Bears defense is better. This pick is like picking Lars over Paul in pool wrestling. You know Buff is hard to beat, but its also hard to pick Paul to win and Lars definitely fights like a girl (meaning very annoyingly and making people want to give up to get away from him.)

gettin political

Entry Word: cocksure
Function: adjective
Definition: having or showing a mind free from doubt . You are always so cocksure about everything.

In parenthesis will be my cocksure level. I will leave off green or Low due to the fact that it is obsolete in this and all day and ages.

1. Phili @ New Orleans (Cocksure level = Blue or Guarded; there is a general risk that I may be correct on this pic. I love Phily but New O is a fairly deese team. Close game indeed. And to top it all off, one violent town enters another. In-fact New Orleans is the new murder capital of the world. Well done Katrina. If anyone does a lambouae leap, the fans will probably throw more than their beer on the player. I’m talking ninja stars and cups of acid. I’m a fan of New O like I’m a fan of those commercials for that new Greese reality show.) I love the Eggles.

2. New England @ San Diego ( Cocksure level = Yellow or Elevated. I’m about as cocksure on this game as Tim’s Penis is about itself. There is definitely a significant risk I may be correct. I’m cocksure about a lot of things, one being my hatred for New England Patties, however diego hasn’t shown me much of their fisticuffs. They don’t necessarily come out and say, “hey we are here to win”. But what they lack in persona, the patties make up for in suckage. I’m a fan of Patties like I’m a fan of licking a camels penis. (thanks TLH for that one)) But, still, I'm gona have to go for the Patties on this one. I love NE Pattys

3. Seattle @ Chicago ( Cocksure level = Orange or High. I’m pretty cocksure about this game. There is a high risk I may pic correct. The Bears ’06 remind me of Packers always. Tons of potential, yet always awkward. Kind of like LemT. I’m a fan of Chicago like I’m a fan of various objects being jammed under my big toe nail. I’m a huge fan of Seatt, like I’m a huge fan of Chorizo stuffed Dates Wrapped in Bacon. Probably the greatest bite sized snack combo ever created. ) I love Seattle

4. Indianapolis Colts @ Baltimore or Less ( Cocksure level = Severe or Red. I very Cocksure about this one. There is a severe risk I will choose correctly. I haven’t been this cocksure about something since the days of Golden Eye. Pick your weapons, local, and character, no one could stop me. Knee cap, Knee cap, Crotch, Head. I’m a fan of Baltimore like I’m a fan of toilet splashage in a OCB bathroom.) I love Colts

Why the Dell is totally wrong. Leggie Divisional signing in

Alright here goes nothing brother. I have ill will for your selections…

4. I love the Saints over the Eagles!!! Yup, try and sell me on the Ugglies. It hasn’t worked yet, and it’s not going to work now. I watched Brees pick apart a McNabb lead Eagles squad in week 4, and the Saints have only gotten better. Add to this that Lito Sheppard is out of commission, and the Eagles won’t be able to keep up with all of the packages that the Saints throw at them. Weird, I just had a crazy déjà vu thing were I dreamed that this whole season was a dream (ala Bob Newhart show). Is it possible that the Saints are headed to the Superbowl? I’m not saying, I’m just saying. Saints by 14!!!

3. I love the Pats over the Bolts!!! More on this below…

2. I love the Colts over the Raves!!! OK, these last two picks are obviously related. Allow me to pontificate by an intricate numbering system:

Pats will win in SD for the following reasons:
a. Qualcomm stadium isn’t much of a homefield advantage really. The weather is predictably perfect every day.
b. The Tom Brady factor. I watched all the post game stuff last week with a ton of glee b/c I saw the old Tom. Watching Tom most of this regular season he looked and sounded like Andy Reid press conference. You just want to give the guy a hug. But last week he was laughing, smiling, confident in the press conference. He’s got swagger right now, and the Bolts don’t have a great secondary.
c. If history can not betray the Pats this week because the only p-off team that has consistently given the Pats trouble are the B’cos and Skeletor decided to start a young QB named Jay. He shouldn’t consulted with Andy Reid or Dave Wahnstedt before making that decision, or maybe the Pepsi CEO before he made those horrible Diet Pepsi commercials with Jay Mohr. Worst emotion ever, feeling embarrassed for someone you will never meet and knowing that some marketing guru just lost their job.
d. Belicek’s multiple packages. Some call him yoda, and on defense, yeah he throws a lot at you, but Bill’s offensive scheme is not anything earth shattering: get to the line quick and call a play that one up’s the defensive personnel. It’s not some crazy scheme, but he’s got an offensive package for everything and guy who can do double or triple duty in multiple sets. The difference is that Bill runs it more effectively than anyone else.
e. The final reason: because the stars are aligned. More below.
The Ravens should win against the Colts because:
a. The Colts good D last week was definitely a fluke.
b. Since Billick took over the offensive reigns, Jamal Lewis has stopped running like a dainty Victorian princess and has run up the middle. I haven’t watched the Ravens a ton, but when I have, their play-option has been outstanding.
c. The Ravens are the only NFL squad with two legitmate shut-down corners in McAllister and Rolle. In my mind there are only a select few shut-down CBs in the league: Champ Bailey, Nate Clements, Brian Dawkins, Sam Madison, Antoine Winfield, DeAngelo Hall, Rashean Mathis, that’s about it. Every other good CB is an athlete who can make enough plays to put a band-aid over there coverage ability. Yeah, the Ravens have two, and they are real good.
d. Peyton doesn’t like to get nicked. Hit him in the mouth and he looks like his brother on a normal day.
However, the Colts will win because:
a. As I said before the stars are aligned. I’m seeing a Pats @ Colts conference championship game, and no 1 and 2 seeds are getting in the way of that.
b. We need a repeat of the greatest game of football I’ve ever seen, of course the Colts @ Pats conference championship 2 years ago. Try and come up with a game in any sport where one game and one team brought about an immediate league wide rule change. I can think of three:
i. The Trent Tucker rule can about after Tucker made a jump shot against the Bulls in MSG with 0.1 seconds left. This brought about the 0.3 seconds rule in the NBA.

ii. I’m too young to remember, but from what I understand, Wayne Gretzky ridiculous goal scoring in the late eighties changed the blue line rules in hockey, but that was over the span of a season.
iii. Rodney Harrison and the Pats secondary pummeling Marvin, Reggie, Brandon, and Marcus Pollard, and making Peyton whine like a baby.
c. It’s obvious to me that we need to have another Pats @ Colts game to prove my point once and for all: Peyton is the greatest loser of all time. Or maybe KG is? I just got extremely sad.

and 1. I love the Bears over the Shawks!!! Sound familiar Bears fan? Super bowl quarterback coming into town? Offensive game changer on the field? Questions about your QB? It’s happening again right? Wrong. The difference between the 06 Hawks and the 05 Pants is that the Seahawks aren’t a superbowl caliber team. Also I've already pciked two road teams. With that said, I look forward to watching the Saints douse Sean Payton and put on their conference champion hats at Soldier next week with thousands of ugly fans booing their beloved Bears. For now, Bears by 10!

The Final Countdown.....

Lars's putrid stank and lack of proper hygene makes him the hulk- me, I just have really bad psorisis so that makes me the thing.


Brother, it ends tonight. Or Saturday, or Sunday….. whenever this weekend of football madness concludes. Here’s the big question…. What happens when I beat the commissioner? What is Lars’ incentive to continue WDYLdom when every hope he has is gone?

Brother, I mean this with all sincerity: Eat my poop.


No really, eat it.


1. I Love the Seahawks over the Bears! In actuality, this game scares me to death. I have felt that the Bears were doomed to go down in flames for the last month or so of Rex’s play, but the Seahawks? Have you watched them? Sure, they end up winning but there no way in hell they are a championship team. With the Bears though, it all comes down to which Rex shows up and if their D comes to play. They have been suspect as of late. In other words, this game is a stab in the dark and I know my brother will be picking the Seahawks too.

2. I Love the Ravens over the Colts! Can’t believe I’m doing this either, but no way my brother is picking the Colts and the Ravens have Steve McSteve so they can actually cause damage this time around. Based on what happened last week with the chiefs, I can’t even begin to expect how the Colts will look. They might grind it out in a defensive battle, or they might run up 50 on the Ravens….. I just peed myself a little bit. There’s about a quarter sized wet spot on my corduroys.

3. I Love the Bolts over the Pats! How perfect is this? Can’t wait to see how my brother will pick this game…. This is right on par with Larry Bird playing against Larry Bird in 1 on 1. His devided alegiences might actually rip apart the space/time continuum and bring about a paradox. It’s sort of like in “Prince of Persia” when the little dude runs through the mirror and has to fight himself- or push himself over the ledge and onto the spikes. Lets face it brother, the Bolts are the best team in football, and they’re at home. I dare you to pick the Patriots. Come on, do it.


4. I Love the Saints over the Eagles! The magical mystery tour stops in the Big easy for the Eagles. The run they’ve been on is unprecedented. Not one professional sports personality in the country could have predicted that a Jeff Garcia led team could do so much with so little, but they have. The fire of eternal hope that has ignited the Saints will actually transform the Superdome into a flying spaceship this weekend. I just can’t see the Saints not living up to that hype. This is gonna be a great game.

There you have it. Lars, it’s been fun.

peace

My Post-Christmas Buzz is Over

Kudos to Lars for coming up with a beautiful playoff scheme and making the numbering system completely bass-ackward.

1. I Love the Colts Lars sniffs handicapped hamsters and I think the Chiefs might win. LJ runs, Colts can't stop it, but Colts can't lose in week one, right?

2. I LOVE the Romonator and the Tuna and MBIII. Although a Tuna is probably an excellent source of protein for a Seahawk. But that's why this is number two, and that's why Peter's nickname is no longer Camaro.

2. Pats over Jets. Let's examine for a moment the case of Eric Mangini, specifically his head and neck region. The neck, well, in reality there really is no neck to speak of. His neck is very similar to Tim's penis after he goes swimming in the lake behind Lars' house in April. It's easy to overlook. Secondly the head. It could be compared to a number of things. A pumpkin perhaps. A basketball maybe. Even better, the rock monster from the sequel to the Wizard of Oz. And that last comparison, my friends, is a frightening prospect. Find it and put it on your netflix list. Most terrifying thing ever.

4. Eagles over G-men. Much has been made of Jeff Garcia and the success he finds in spite of his Downs syndrome. The overlooked story line in this game is Eli's own Downs syndrome, which to me appears far worse than Garcia's. It will be very special to see these courageous men lead their respective teams into this game, a matchup that really has no losers because they're all winners.

Late Picks

My picks are late, and as of right now the Colts are up 6-0, so, I'm taking the...

Chiefs
Pats
Cowboys
Jeff Feagles' Eagles

awkwardly confident (me, always)

4 being the most confident and one being the most, opposite of confident is awkward. in parenthesis i will illustrate the awkwardity level of each pic.

1. (as awkward as this one kid at this camp i worked at, who liked this one girl from another camp and when she came to the church service every Sunday he would try to sit by her and after the service he would go and talk to her try and give her a hug, but she would see it coming and put out her hand for a hand shake, and the awkward dance would commense. Who's social touch would prevail? I'll tell you, the hand shake overpowered the hug attempt every time. (by the way, they were in there early twenties)).
Dallas @ Seattle. my most unconfident game due to the fact that I like both teams. Thusly I will choose on who has the cooler uniform. I love Seattle.

2. (as unconfident as I was in the sixth grade,when I had to show my dad my testicle that had managed to grow to the size of a small grapefruit. The look on his face, priceless. (emergency surgury shortly followed)) Cheivs vs Indi. A tough call. I love my good ol' Chiefves, though the struggle should be a good one. I should like to watch this one, blatz in hand. I love Cheifs

3. ( as confident as Lars was when in HighSchool he faked like he ran into a glass door, by kicking it as he threw his head back, so as to look like he hit his head, the problem being that he actually did hit his tooth, chipping it. Classic.) Gainats @ Eggles. I saved my green and whites for last. I love the eggels and their "I love playing Futbal" attitude. go team. ra ra rah!!!!!!!!!

4. (As confident as Wicked Christmas, and you know that nothing can match it.) Jets @ Pattries. I am so confident that the jets will win that i put them at number four. The Jets continue to fill my heart with love syrup. I love jet.

I made the playoffs!!

4. NE over NYJ - After confusing the Comeback Player of the Year for MVP, Pennington goes out and gets smashed. Sobering up, he has to apologize for being found outside Jets headquarters straddling a statue of Joe Namath shouting "We are Marshall." Despite the distraction and embarrassment, he plays the entire game keeping the Jets within 40 points throughout.

3. NYG over Phi - In a rather unfortunate incident, linebacker Brandon Short reaches out to dislodge the football from a scrambling Jeff Garcia only to realize, to the horror of many witnesses, that the wiry quarterback is now split in two. Shrugging his shoulders, Short picks up the successfully dislodged football and returns it for a touchdown. In the postgame interviews, R.W. McQuarters tries to take all of the credit for the play.

2. KC over Ind - Showing a generous amount of sportsmanship, Herm Edwards tries to give the Colts defense a chance by making Larry Johnson run backwards 5 yards before running forward. Viewers in the second half also notice that Johnson has resorted to walking instead of running. Still, Johnson finishes the game with an astounding 315 yards rushing. After the game, Bill Polian, Colts president, announces the formation of a new professional two-hand touch football league.

1. Dal over Sea - Recognizing that he will be in the spotlight during the playoffs and being very self-conscious of his balding head, Matt Hasselbeck takes a healthy dose of Rogaine. Unfortunately, the only affected area is an uncharacteristic rapid growth rate for his eyebrows. Team trainers are seen on the sidelines with scissors cutting through the fertile brows. Worst of all, the offensive line is called for 26 false start penalties because they are shaking from laughter after having looked at their quarterback. In the postgame interview, Holmgren sums up the loss by chuckling and saying, "man, that was worth it."

Wild Card Confidence Picks - The Legend

Has the Legend fallen on tough times the last 6 weeks or so? Yes, most certainly, but as I look at the confidence scale and my opponent, I am so fully confident in a win, that I'll come out and gaurantee it right now. This is my week, the stars are aligned. I can pick teams that have done me well all year, and take risks that will pay off. I love it. So here it goes chumps:

4. I love the Pats and have supreme confidence in thier impending victory over the JETS. Did Eric turn from ManGINA to MANgini this year in my mind? Yup. Is he a brilliant self-promoter for taking a job with low expectations? Yup. Does he have the moxie to beat the Pats in Foxboro twice in one season? Not a chance. I'm sorry, Bellicek may look like Dwight Schrute impersonating the Emporer on the Office, but he's not going to lose this game. Not a chance. Pats by 10!!!

3. I love the Shawks at home!!! The only QB that I have less confidence in than Rex Grossman is Tony Romo. It's been an absolute blast listening to Bears talk radio people on the ledge this week. All Bears fans better hope that the Boys can win, because they are the only team that the Bears would possibly beat right now. Both teams have QBs that have tanked, they have defenses that proved to be horribly overrated, and they have a fan base that is ready to start throwing 6 dollar beers at them. It's a great time to be in Chicago. Unfortunately for Rex heads, the Boys have no shot this weekend. Shawks by 14!!!

2. I love the Ugglies over the Gents!!! I have been picking against the Gents for weeks because I'm tired of having to hear about them all the time. And brother, I like the retard scale. In my mind Garcia is a nine. I can only think of 4 tens ahead of him. They include Boston Celtic Kevin Pittsnogle, Atlanta Hawk Sheldon Williams (looks like the Simpsons Ken Griffey after Elphant juice, or maybe Admiral Akbar), Center icemen Bobby Holik, and Cubs Relief Pitcher Roberto Novoa. In other words, Garcia is in great company, but apparently he figured out how to play football again, and I'm buying the Eagles finally. Has Andy Reid solidified himself as a truly great coach with this run? I think so. Eagles by 10!!!!

1. I love the Chiefs over the Colts!!! Another team tanking at exactly the wrong time (right time?) is the Colts. They lose to bad teams down the stretch, the can't stop Ron Dayne and Wali Lundy of all people, they give up 4th quarter leads (care of Mr. Young - what a stud), Mr all everything and his side kick (Harrison and Wayne) forgot how to catch balls that they never would've missed before, and they give up a 2nd rounder for a guy named Booger and they are still a horrible rush defense team. What a mess. And lo and behold, they draw a first round game against a team that doesn't have to adjust thier gameplan at all in order to run all over the Colts. I also think that the Chiefs will be able to get some pressure on Peyton. It's an intruging matchup to me and I fully expect the Chiefs to continue to solidify Payton Manning as a great, outstanding, excellent loser. Let go Grandmama!!!!

So there is it folks. I look forward to my ten points. Peace out.