One pick today - more later.
I love the Bengals over the Ravens! I usually pick the team that needs the W worse, and I also usually pick incorrectly. That said, I expect the Stripeys to win by somewhere between ocho and conco points. Fruitiest line ever. I'm officially Erik Perkins from Perk at Play. Bengs by 7!!
Salut, Skol, Prost
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Hans' On the Road
Balt vs Bung
I would also like to express my dislike of this years new cable only games. Who do they think we are? It’s not like we are still living with our parents, leeching their cable, and vanilla ice cream. I love bungles.
Zona vs St. Louna
I saw a ram once, in Yellowstone or somewhere out west? What a goofy animal. I love the rams.
Tlanna vs Wash
One time I saw Al Sharpton in a hotel bar that was closed. They had apparently opened it for him and he was sitting by hiself drinking scotch, staring out the window. His body guards were nearby sleeping while standing. I love politicians. I love Washington DC
Det vs Engla
I’ve never been to Detroit and I’m not really sure what New England is? I love Patties.
Indian vs tennis
I went to horse camp once with david, my brother, and his horse always tried to scrape david off his back by running into the woods and rubbing his back on branches. I think I got mad at him for not knowing how to control his horse, but it was the funniest thing ever, and I also truly knew that the horse was crazy. Later the horse faked an injury so david would have to walk by it instead of ride it. I love colts.
Kans vs Cleves
I spent a night in Cleveland once, with my wife, Marianne. Talk about a ghost town. During rush hour, Cleveland is like St, Paul after 8pm. Dead/ I love KC
Sota vs cago
With a big snow storm on the way, it’s amazing how lame Chicagoens are, when it comes to cold and snowy weather. I mean all they do is complain. Kind of like Rex complaining that the Vikes talk too much trash. What a baby. I love Vikes
Jets vs Packs
I’ve never been to Green Bay. But my family has a cabin on an island in lake supurior, which is officially in Wisconsin. When I’m there, I do a lot of hovering so I don’t have to touch Wisconsin. But hey, even though I really like the jets, I’m gona pic The packs on this one. I love GB and D. Driver.
Diego vs Buffs
I drove through Buffalo once, with Luke Merchy and his Parents. 18 hours with Mech’s parents, by the end of the trip I was curled up on the floor whispering Redrum. I love Diego
San Fran vs New O
I once had a chance to go to San Fran, but got the flu and had to stay in my log cabin all by myself for a week. With no flu medicine, and no TV. The only thing I could do was stare at this horrible painting hanging above my sofa all day. I started dreaming of ways I could destroy it. I hated it. Luckily I had a laptop with that windows Pinball game on it. 20,000,000 points. Probably the highest score ever in that game. I love new Orl
Jack vs Mia
I love the dolphins logo. It looks like a handicapped dolphin. With that helmet. It looks like those pictures of jeff Holmberg when he had to wear a helmet cause he ran into a mail box and they were afraid of him getting brain damage. I love dolphins
Hou vs Oak
I’m not a huge fan of texas. I drove through it with Nate Stromdell once. It was like 123 degrees and we both were sweaty and stinky in his oldsmobile. It was like a desert littered with walmarts and fat people. Thank god for everything west of texas. (except for the petrified forest, that sucked too). Also we camped at the north rim of the Grand canyon, probably in my top five of coolest places ever. I love Oak.
Dallus vs Gniantgs
I almost killed a crotch rocket in new york once. I now understand those bumper stickers, Start Seeing Motorcycles. Seriously though, I think his right hand glove nicked my mirror. He still somehow managed to shake his fist at me at 120 miles per hour. I love Cowboys.
Tamp vs Pitt
I drove through pittsburg once. Shortly after having my own Meet the Parents experience 80 times worse than the movie. Not only did my soon to be father in law take me out to breakfast and have a sex talk with me, at Friendlys, but the following night I didn’t say “in Jesus name” before I said Amen at the dinner table and this triggered a fiasco that involved me fearing for my life, him almost hitting me, the cops almost being called, and me hiding in bushes. Needless to say, my father-in-law is a bit out there. I love Pittsburg.
Seatt vs Den
I remember taking a train to seattle, and arriving at 4 in the morning to find that the next train was canceled due to a landslide. I was on my way to stu luckman’s island home in the San Juan Islands. I somehow took 6 different buses and found my way to the ferry (5 hours from seattle) and found out that stu had thought he was supposed to pick me up in seattle so he drove half way down when his truck broke down. He got it fixed and realized I was at the ferry, came back and picked me up. We took the ferry to the island and I realized that I had forgotten my back pack on the mainland at the ferry dock. I thought he was gona kill me. Pleasant weekend though. I love Seattle.
Carol vs Phil
I don’t know what to say about these two places. Never been. I love Carol.
I would also like to express my dislike of this years new cable only games. Who do they think we are? It’s not like we are still living with our parents, leeching their cable, and vanilla ice cream. I love bungles.
Zona vs St. Louna
I saw a ram once, in Yellowstone or somewhere out west? What a goofy animal. I love the rams.
Tlanna vs Wash
One time I saw Al Sharpton in a hotel bar that was closed. They had apparently opened it for him and he was sitting by hiself drinking scotch, staring out the window. His body guards were nearby sleeping while standing. I love politicians. I love Washington DC
Det vs Engla
I’ve never been to Detroit and I’m not really sure what New England is? I love Patties.
Indian vs tennis
I went to horse camp once with david, my brother, and his horse always tried to scrape david off his back by running into the woods and rubbing his back on branches. I think I got mad at him for not knowing how to control his horse, but it was the funniest thing ever, and I also truly knew that the horse was crazy. Later the horse faked an injury so david would have to walk by it instead of ride it. I love colts.
Kans vs Cleves
I spent a night in Cleveland once, with my wife, Marianne. Talk about a ghost town. During rush hour, Cleveland is like St, Paul after 8pm. Dead/ I love KC
Sota vs cago
With a big snow storm on the way, it’s amazing how lame Chicagoens are, when it comes to cold and snowy weather. I mean all they do is complain. Kind of like Rex complaining that the Vikes talk too much trash. What a baby. I love Vikes
Jets vs Packs
I’ve never been to Green Bay. But my family has a cabin on an island in lake supurior, which is officially in Wisconsin. When I’m there, I do a lot of hovering so I don’t have to touch Wisconsin. But hey, even though I really like the jets, I’m gona pic The packs on this one. I love GB and D. Driver.
Diego vs Buffs
I drove through Buffalo once, with Luke Merchy and his Parents. 18 hours with Mech’s parents, by the end of the trip I was curled up on the floor whispering Redrum. I love Diego
San Fran vs New O
I once had a chance to go to San Fran, but got the flu and had to stay in my log cabin all by myself for a week. With no flu medicine, and no TV. The only thing I could do was stare at this horrible painting hanging above my sofa all day. I started dreaming of ways I could destroy it. I hated it. Luckily I had a laptop with that windows Pinball game on it. 20,000,000 points. Probably the highest score ever in that game. I love new Orl
Jack vs Mia
I love the dolphins logo. It looks like a handicapped dolphin. With that helmet. It looks like those pictures of jeff Holmberg when he had to wear a helmet cause he ran into a mail box and they were afraid of him getting brain damage. I love dolphins
Hou vs Oak
I’m not a huge fan of texas. I drove through it with Nate Stromdell once. It was like 123 degrees and we both were sweaty and stinky in his oldsmobile. It was like a desert littered with walmarts and fat people. Thank god for everything west of texas. (except for the petrified forest, that sucked too). Also we camped at the north rim of the Grand canyon, probably in my top five of coolest places ever. I love Oak.
Dallus vs Gniantgs
I almost killed a crotch rocket in new york once. I now understand those bumper stickers, Start Seeing Motorcycles. Seriously though, I think his right hand glove nicked my mirror. He still somehow managed to shake his fist at me at 120 miles per hour. I love Cowboys.
Tamp vs Pitt
I drove through pittsburg once. Shortly after having my own Meet the Parents experience 80 times worse than the movie. Not only did my soon to be father in law take me out to breakfast and have a sex talk with me, at Friendlys, but the following night I didn’t say “in Jesus name” before I said Amen at the dinner table and this triggered a fiasco that involved me fearing for my life, him almost hitting me, the cops almost being called, and me hiding in bushes. Needless to say, my father-in-law is a bit out there. I love Pittsburg.
Seatt vs Den
I remember taking a train to seattle, and arriving at 4 in the morning to find that the next train was canceled due to a landslide. I was on my way to stu luckman’s island home in the San Juan Islands. I somehow took 6 different buses and found my way to the ferry (5 hours from seattle) and found out that stu had thought he was supposed to pick me up in seattle so he drove half way down when his truck broke down. He got it fixed and realized I was at the ferry, came back and picked me up. We took the ferry to the island and I realized that I had forgotten my back pack on the mainland at the ferry dock. I thought he was gona kill me. Pleasant weekend though. I love Seattle.
Carol vs Phil
I don’t know what to say about these two places. Never been. I love Carol.
Stupid Thursday night games
Here's the picks:
Cin over Balt - Chad Johnson brings back the Icky shuffle. Ravens can't beat that.
Ind over Ten - Because it worked last week, the Titans spot the Colts a large, early lead. Titans quickly realize that the Colts aren't the Giants, and Peyton is not Eli.
Ariz over StL - Rams repeatedly ask Larry Fitzgerald for his autograph because he used to get rides home from The Peter Williams.
Min over Chi - Bears feel the league should just give them this game. None of the players or coaches show up. Eager fans suit up and actually beat the Vikings but to no avail.
NYJ over GB - To show just how talented he is, Favre decides to throw left handed. Proving his point, he is able to play the same and throws rocket interceptions throughout the game.
NO over SF - Fans are asked to name five 49ers. No one can.
Buf over SD - Chargers think the apocolypse is happening due to the inclement Buffalo weather.
KC over Clev - In an effort to show grace, Herm Edwards has the Chief defense not to take the field at the end of the game. The Browns offense runs to the wrong end zone.
Wash over Atl - Thinking it will improve his passer rating, Michael Vick decides to run past his receivers and lateral back to them.
NE over Det - Feeling the cut off sweatshirt is still too restrictive, Belichick dons a wife beater.
Mia over Jax - Scientific evidence is published prooving that Daunte Culpepper truly is dumber than a box of rocks.
Oak over Hou - John Shoop's new high-powered offense lulls the Texans to sleep.
TB over Pit - After the game, fans are given the opportunity to make goofy faces to try and make Cowher and Gruden laugh.
Dal over NYG - In addition to becoming a top quarterback and dating Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo admits that because of the shape of his ears, like Dumbo, he can fly.
Sea over Den - Shanahan gets confused by his own running back by committee and unintentionally puts them all on the inactive list.
Phi over Car - Realizing that they only have one offensive option, the Eagles run all of their plays through Bryan Westbrook.
Cin over Balt - Chad Johnson brings back the Icky shuffle. Ravens can't beat that.
Ind over Ten - Because it worked last week, the Titans spot the Colts a large, early lead. Titans quickly realize that the Colts aren't the Giants, and Peyton is not Eli.
Ariz over StL - Rams repeatedly ask Larry Fitzgerald for his autograph because he used to get rides home from The Peter Williams.
Min over Chi - Bears feel the league should just give them this game. None of the players or coaches show up. Eager fans suit up and actually beat the Vikings but to no avail.
NYJ over GB - To show just how talented he is, Favre decides to throw left handed. Proving his point, he is able to play the same and throws rocket interceptions throughout the game.
NO over SF - Fans are asked to name five 49ers. No one can.
Buf over SD - Chargers think the apocolypse is happening due to the inclement Buffalo weather.
KC over Clev - In an effort to show grace, Herm Edwards has the Chief defense not to take the field at the end of the game. The Browns offense runs to the wrong end zone.
Wash over Atl - Thinking it will improve his passer rating, Michael Vick decides to run past his receivers and lateral back to them.
NE over Det - Feeling the cut off sweatshirt is still too restrictive, Belichick dons a wife beater.
Mia over Jax - Scientific evidence is published prooving that Daunte Culpepper truly is dumber than a box of rocks.
Oak over Hou - John Shoop's new high-powered offense lulls the Texans to sleep.
TB over Pit - After the game, fans are given the opportunity to make goofy faces to try and make Cowher and Gruden laugh.
Dal over NYG - In addition to becoming a top quarterback and dating Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo admits that because of the shape of his ears, like Dumbo, he can fly.
Sea over Den - Shanahan gets confused by his own running back by committee and unintentionally puts them all on the inactive list.
Phi over Car - Realizing that they only have one offensive option, the Eagles run all of their plays through Bryan Westbrook.
Please Dell, Don't Hurt Em
I LOVE the BAGLES over the BLACKBIRDS!
How sucky is it that NFL network owns this game? I can't watch it. This is gonna be a great game. Shouldn't somebody file suit against NFL network ala Microsoft for screwing everybody?
I LOVE the EWES over the CARDS!
I's hard to love anything about the Rams right now.
I LOVE the SKINS over the DIRTY BIRDS!
... and Michael Vick is the filthiest Bird of them all. We want SHAUB!
I LOVE THE PATES over the MOTORCITYKITYS!
Does this game even need to be played? Just imagine that you play for the Lions and get hurt in this game. Is there any honor in saying that you were giving your best effort against the Pats? Seriously, just take a kick to the nuts and the loss and start contemplating Brady Quinn or Troy Smith, or any number of slow overrated recievers.
I LOVE the CULTS over the TEETS!
Inside every decent human being is compasion for Albert Hainsworth. Admit it, we've all wanted to mercelously stomp with cleats on the face of our fellow man. Perhaps that "man" respresents our anger, bitterness, adiction, upbringing, and all that holds us back. Perhaps it also represents a Penis.
I LOVE the CHEFS over the POOPSTAINS
I LOVE the BERS over the PURP!
Where is all this "watch out, the Vikes might surprise em" talk coming from? Have these people been watching the Vikings at all? They can't score, and Grossman will pass for 800 yards if he sees the kind of pass rush the Purp have shown as of late.
I LOVE the J.E.T.S. over the PUCKERS!
Go Rotator Cuff!
I LOVE the BOLTS over BARFALO!
Bolts are dang good, and Lars, you said so from the beginning. You were right and we all doubted. Lars, a gotta know.... 5 years from now, who wins the superbowl? Please say the Texans or the Browns or the Lions. Please.
I LOVE the AINTS over the CRUSTY PROSPECTORS!
49ers are decent..... But Brees is dang good. How did he suck so bad for 3 years and thn just turn it on? Theres no way to explain it.
I LOVE the RAYDUHS over the COWSKULLS!
Can't believe I'm picking Art Shells Boobs for a win, but they havn't won in a while and the Texans suck butt on the road, even if the black hole has become about as scary as the ball pit at McDonalds.
I LOVE the PHINS over the JAGS!
The Jags are tanking just about as bad Michael Richards career right about now.
I LOVE the BROKEBACKS ove the GENTS!
Ditto for the Gents.
I LOVE the GAY TACONITE ORE PROCESSORS over the TAMPONS!
Why am I still optimistic about the steelers? They suck. No way a team can get so bad for no reason.
I LOVE the BACOS over the SHAWKS!
This might as well be do or die for the Broncos, and now Cutler has his chance. That D should be able to contain Shawn Alexander.
I LOVE the PANTS over the UGLIES!
I Love any team playing opposite Jeff Garcia! By the way, I think he bags groceries at the Rainbow off University.
Monday, November 27, 2006
PATRIOTS RULE!!!
I'll spare everyone else the impending rant from my kid brother after yesturday. Here goes:"You all doubted. None of you believed me when I said the Patriots would win. Take that all you Bear loosers with your crappy management and sub par QB. And how about Junior Seau? Playing the game and dominating your crappy offence with a broken arm... GO PATRIOTS! Even though they didn't play the Colts yesturday, take that Lemke! Eat it! Eat my poop! None of you believed! And hah, nobody believed me that the Chargers would beat the Raiders and they did. I have always loved the Chargers, the Patriots, the Celtics, the NHL, and ..... yeah. EAT IT!!! EAT MY POOP!"
sorry leg. It's way too much fun to steal your thunder, and don't even try to tell me that you weren't up all night wide-eyed looking at the cieling thinking about how you were going to gloat for that huge Patriots win.
i love you
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Turkey Day Post
bears
Dolphins
cowboys
chefs
saints
jags
rams
bengals
vikings
jets
panthers
ravens
chargers
giants
colts
packers
Dolphins
cowboys
chefs
saints
jags
rams
bengals
vikings
jets
panthers
ravens
chargers
giants
colts
packers
Not Fulfilling My Loving Duties
What is WDYL? Is it about football? Yes. Is it about guys? Yes. Is it about Teen Wolf? Yes. But mostly, it is about rants. WDYL without the rant is like deviled eggs without the red mystery dust that is sprinkled on top of them. I of all people know this.
However, every once in a while a guy needs a break. Take today for instance. My brother is in town from Colorado. Yes, I could spend an hour today typing up a kick-ass rant. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to write a quickie and go bond with my bro over ESPN Classic's World Strongest Man marathon. Life's about choices, my friends, and mine is made.
Lions over Fins
Boys over Pewters
Chefs over Bacos
Minny over Denny
Pants over Skins
Bungles over Poops
JETS over Skulls
Jacks over the Buff
Falsucks over Dr. No
Ravens over GTOP
Rams over Prospectors
Bolts over Davises
Pats over Bears
Gmen over Flaming Ts
Indy over Philly Lars eat my boogers
Shawks over Fighting Elbow Ligaments
However, every once in a while a guy needs a break. Take today for instance. My brother is in town from Colorado. Yes, I could spend an hour today typing up a kick-ass rant. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to write a quickie and go bond with my bro over ESPN Classic's World Strongest Man marathon. Life's about choices, my friends, and mine is made.
Lions over Fins
Boys over Pewters
Chefs over Bacos
Minny over Denny
Pants over Skins
Bungles over Poops
JETS over Skulls
Jacks over the Buff
Falsucks over Dr. No
Ravens over GTOP
Rams over Prospectors
Bolts over Davises
Pats over Bears
Gmen over Flaming Ts
Indy over Philly Lars eat my boogers
Shawks over Fighting Elbow Ligaments
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hawkwards Week something!!
Miami at Detroit
As an African Lullaby; Mufitunitoo the lion came into the briar, wherehe met a land dolphin. He tried to eat it, but couldn’t believe it, theland dolphin ate him instead, slowly and tail first, while the lion wasstill alive. Pleasant dreams children. I love the Wolphins.
Tampa Bay at Dallas
As from a cowboy’s leather bound journal; Upon the dusk light,shimmering the undergrowth to a cool dusty, yellow, my nose tasted ofsomething unpleasant, and of an unpleasantry unlike that of my comrade.A buccaneer hovered about the valley, so I shot it from afar, with mykeen eye looking westward still, in search of a redemption that smellslike rain. I love the cowboys.
Denver at Kansas City
As an Indian tale; A great chief couldn’t understand what his broncowas saying, the bronco became angry and threw the chief into a ravine.I love the broncos.
Arizona at Minnesota
As a Norse legend; Lars Quintin Forsberry was a Viking warrior whowasn’t too into blunt weaponry and instead would find himself chasinglemurs and eating wolliper berries in the wood. One day he wasfrolicking through the thicket when a cardinal sprite hopped about hisshoulder. Lars opted to eat the bird but for its legs, where upon hegave the bird legs to a gnome for some advice. I love Vikings.
Carolina at Washington
As a black panther rally chant; Power to the people. Power to thepeople. Let’s not let the redskins keep us down. I love the blackpanthers
Cincinnati at Cleveland
As an Ohioan; BUbgles or browns? Bungles or browns? I’ll ask thisquestion again, as I always to during this match up, How did ohio gettwo nfl teams? and it gets funnier every season. I love Bunglies
Houston at N.Y. Jets
As a Texan on a jet; "I love my jet. I bought it with the money I madein that war, and it has a hot tub and a Nintendo Wii, and a kareemabdul Jabaar is my pilot. I love the jets."
Jacksonville at Buffalo
As a conversation between me and someone named Jackson who lives in jacksonville;
Me: Wait, let me get this strait, so your name is Jackson and you live in Jacksonville?
Jackson: Uh, Yep.
Me: That’s awesome!! So did you plan it that way?
Jackson: Yes. Yes I did.
Me: That’s totally f’ed up, man. You’re crazy but I love Jackson.
New Orleans at Atlanta
As a biblical proverb; A Saint is hunched forward while reaching up for his olives. If a Falcon pecks at his hand, how is he to distinguish it from a thorn? I love the Falcon
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
As a hiku; A raven steals. Steel raves. and I steve. I love the ravens even though I don’t actually know what a Hiku is.
San Francisco at St. Louis
As a Ram herder; "I love the Rams"
Oakland at San Diego
As a cell phone salesman after someone has just asked him if he likes the cell phone chargers. " I love the Chargers"
Chicago at New England
As another lie we were told in elementary school about our country; Did you know that early patriots rode on bears instead of horses, because the bears could swipe at enemies while riding? They were precursors to modern day tanks. I love The bears.
N.Y. Giants at Tennessee
As a greek legend; A Titan was walking east under a ¾’s moon, slightly left of his shadow, when a Giant stepped on him. The titan than put on his golden ankle socks and slid out from under the giants foot. They conversed for a while, then parted ways. This is why the ¾’s moon never smiles. I love the Giants.
Philadelphia at Indianapolis
As a Justin Timberlake song; "Uh, I’ll be your colt when I ride your wings. Take me up, uh, into the heavens, uh, and I’ll be the colt riding on top of the eagle in the sky." I love Colts
Green Bay at Seattle
As someone from Green Bay; "Green bay will kick you." I love Seahawks.
As an African Lullaby; Mufitunitoo the lion came into the briar, wherehe met a land dolphin. He tried to eat it, but couldn’t believe it, theland dolphin ate him instead, slowly and tail first, while the lion wasstill alive. Pleasant dreams children. I love the Wolphins.
Tampa Bay at Dallas
As from a cowboy’s leather bound journal; Upon the dusk light,shimmering the undergrowth to a cool dusty, yellow, my nose tasted ofsomething unpleasant, and of an unpleasantry unlike that of my comrade.A buccaneer hovered about the valley, so I shot it from afar, with mykeen eye looking westward still, in search of a redemption that smellslike rain. I love the cowboys.
Denver at Kansas City
As an Indian tale; A great chief couldn’t understand what his broncowas saying, the bronco became angry and threw the chief into a ravine.I love the broncos.
Arizona at Minnesota
As a Norse legend; Lars Quintin Forsberry was a Viking warrior whowasn’t too into blunt weaponry and instead would find himself chasinglemurs and eating wolliper berries in the wood. One day he wasfrolicking through the thicket when a cardinal sprite hopped about hisshoulder. Lars opted to eat the bird but for its legs, where upon hegave the bird legs to a gnome for some advice. I love Vikings.
Carolina at Washington
As a black panther rally chant; Power to the people. Power to thepeople. Let’s not let the redskins keep us down. I love the blackpanthers
Cincinnati at Cleveland
As an Ohioan; BUbgles or browns? Bungles or browns? I’ll ask thisquestion again, as I always to during this match up, How did ohio gettwo nfl teams? and it gets funnier every season. I love Bunglies
Houston at N.Y. Jets
As a Texan on a jet; "I love my jet. I bought it with the money I madein that war, and it has a hot tub and a Nintendo Wii, and a kareemabdul Jabaar is my pilot. I love the jets."
Jacksonville at Buffalo
As a conversation between me and someone named Jackson who lives in jacksonville;
Me: Wait, let me get this strait, so your name is Jackson and you live in Jacksonville?
Jackson: Uh, Yep.
Me: That’s awesome!! So did you plan it that way?
Jackson: Yes. Yes I did.
Me: That’s totally f’ed up, man. You’re crazy but I love Jackson.
New Orleans at Atlanta
As a biblical proverb; A Saint is hunched forward while reaching up for his olives. If a Falcon pecks at his hand, how is he to distinguish it from a thorn? I love the Falcon
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
As a hiku; A raven steals. Steel raves. and I steve. I love the ravens even though I don’t actually know what a Hiku is.
San Francisco at St. Louis
As a Ram herder; "I love the Rams"
Oakland at San Diego
As a cell phone salesman after someone has just asked him if he likes the cell phone chargers. " I love the Chargers"
Chicago at New England
As another lie we were told in elementary school about our country; Did you know that early patriots rode on bears instead of horses, because the bears could swipe at enemies while riding? They were precursors to modern day tanks. I love The bears.
N.Y. Giants at Tennessee
As a greek legend; A Titan was walking east under a ¾’s moon, slightly left of his shadow, when a Giant stepped on him. The titan than put on his golden ankle socks and slid out from under the giants foot. They conversed for a while, then parted ways. This is why the ¾’s moon never smiles. I love the Giants.
Philadelphia at Indianapolis
As a Justin Timberlake song; "Uh, I’ll be your colt when I ride your wings. Take me up, uh, into the heavens, uh, and I’ll be the colt riding on top of the eagle in the sky." I love Colts
Green Bay at Seattle
As someone from Green Bay; "Green bay will kick you." I love Seahawks.
Week 12 - Legend signing in
I love D-town over Miamah!!!! We all know for damn well sure that Joey Harrington is a bad, bad QB when he plays in Ford field. Does anybody else think that the Lions playing on Thanksgiving day is a tradition that needs to stop. I mean, what a horribly meaningless game this is. Lions by 7!!!
I love Dallas over the Tampons!!! I’d love to see the TB throwbacks for thanksgiving. The orange, yellow, red, and orange again jerseys are classic. Is Gradkowski black? Dallas by 6!!!
I love KC over the B’cos!!! Alright, the Bcos are in freefall, everybody suddenly loves the Bolts who I’ve vouched for all year, and half the country doesn’t get to watch this game because the NFL network is unavailable. I swear that the NFLN is one step away from Al-Jezeera. KC by 7!!!
I love the Purp!!! Am I silly for picking the Purp? Yes. Will the Cards win this game? Certainly. Have I been right about the Vikes yet this year? Only once. Did I almost jump in front of a train after last weeks loss? Yes. Will the Vikes let me down again this week? Without question. Here’s to dreaming. Vikes by 1!!!
I love the Pants over the Skins!!! Dangerous game here for the Pants, but against a first time QB, and wash-up veterans who have mailed it in, I’ll take the streaking teal cats. Pants by 10!!!
I love the Bengs over the Browns!!! In the rematch for the battle of Ohio, I like Eric Metcalf to return a punt, Anthony Munoz to do some sweet lead blocking, Dwayne Rudd to rip off his helmet mid-play, and Akili Smith to break some ankles. Bengs by 7!!!
I love the JETS over the Texmex!!! Anybody every had the Texmex at Louisiana Café? It’s fascinating. It’s larger than my torso, contains 1 pound of hashbrowns, contains a vegetable I can’t identify, and sit in you for over 10 days. It’s a trip man, and it’s only 9 dollars!!! JETS by 9!!!
I love Buffalo over the Jags!!! Buffalo is a tough place to place, and I suspect that Jags will be up and down all year. Losman by 3!!!
I love the Falcors to break the losing streak!!! See reasoning in the Vikings pick above. Falcons by 3!!!
I love the 9ers over the Rams!!! Man, the Rams are in quite a freefall. And I never thought I’d say it, but the 9ers could take this division from the Shawks if their not careful. You might as well contract that whole division if the 9ers win it. 9ers by 7!!!
I love the Bolts over the Raydahs!!! Remember week one? Enough said! Bolts by 17!!!
I love the Pats over the Bears!!! I expect the Pats to make the Bears look just as silly as they made the Vikes look, and I expect there to be tons of game film to mull over for Bears opponents in weeks to come. Hope you enjoy that LB core Rexy. Pats by 10!!
I love the Ravens over the Steelers!!! Billick should give himself a raise. Ravens by 7!!
I love the Gmen in a rebound game!!! Tits wore baby blue pants on Sunday. Speaking of baby blue, did anybody see the new Jazz jerseys? Did anybody else see that the Jazz are really good. I love the NBA. Gmen by 14!!!
I love the Colts over the Ugglies!!! The Ugglies are going to be a lot more ugly without Donovan and with semi-retard Jeff Garcia!! Colts by 14!!!
I love Seattle over Green Bay!!! Looks like Favre will play and that the NFC north doesn’t have to worry about Aaron Rodgers have a consecutive game streak like Favre’s for the next 15 years. Shawks by 7!!!
I love Dallas over the Tampons!!! I’d love to see the TB throwbacks for thanksgiving. The orange, yellow, red, and orange again jerseys are classic. Is Gradkowski black? Dallas by 6!!!
I love KC over the B’cos!!! Alright, the Bcos are in freefall, everybody suddenly loves the Bolts who I’ve vouched for all year, and half the country doesn’t get to watch this game because the NFL network is unavailable. I swear that the NFLN is one step away from Al-Jezeera. KC by 7!!!
I love the Purp!!! Am I silly for picking the Purp? Yes. Will the Cards win this game? Certainly. Have I been right about the Vikes yet this year? Only once. Did I almost jump in front of a train after last weeks loss? Yes. Will the Vikes let me down again this week? Without question. Here’s to dreaming. Vikes by 1!!!
I love the Pants over the Skins!!! Dangerous game here for the Pants, but against a first time QB, and wash-up veterans who have mailed it in, I’ll take the streaking teal cats. Pants by 10!!!
I love the Bengs over the Browns!!! In the rematch for the battle of Ohio, I like Eric Metcalf to return a punt, Anthony Munoz to do some sweet lead blocking, Dwayne Rudd to rip off his helmet mid-play, and Akili Smith to break some ankles. Bengs by 7!!!
I love the JETS over the Texmex!!! Anybody every had the Texmex at Louisiana Café? It’s fascinating. It’s larger than my torso, contains 1 pound of hashbrowns, contains a vegetable I can’t identify, and sit in you for over 10 days. It’s a trip man, and it’s only 9 dollars!!! JETS by 9!!!
I love Buffalo over the Jags!!! Buffalo is a tough place to place, and I suspect that Jags will be up and down all year. Losman by 3!!!
I love the Falcors to break the losing streak!!! See reasoning in the Vikings pick above. Falcons by 3!!!
I love the 9ers over the Rams!!! Man, the Rams are in quite a freefall. And I never thought I’d say it, but the 9ers could take this division from the Shawks if their not careful. You might as well contract that whole division if the 9ers win it. 9ers by 7!!!
I love the Bolts over the Raydahs!!! Remember week one? Enough said! Bolts by 17!!!
I love the Pats over the Bears!!! I expect the Pats to make the Bears look just as silly as they made the Vikes look, and I expect there to be tons of game film to mull over for Bears opponents in weeks to come. Hope you enjoy that LB core Rexy. Pats by 10!!
I love the Ravens over the Steelers!!! Billick should give himself a raise. Ravens by 7!!
I love the Gmen in a rebound game!!! Tits wore baby blue pants on Sunday. Speaking of baby blue, did anybody see the new Jazz jerseys? Did anybody else see that the Jazz are really good. I love the NBA. Gmen by 14!!!
I love the Colts over the Ugglies!!! The Ugglies are going to be a lot more ugly without Donovan and with semi-retard Jeff Garcia!! Colts by 14!!!
I love Seattle over Green Bay!!! Looks like Favre will play and that the NFC north doesn’t have to worry about Aaron Rodgers have a consecutive game streak like Favre’s for the next 15 years. Shawks by 7!!!
RANT POINT RIOT
What is a rant point anyway? Just so everyone knows, I'm awesome because I'm winning, and I also feel filthy for winning ties by virtue of rant point, which has happened both times I played freebone and art. I'll just say this: If both players take the time it takes to rant on blogger (which for me is hours during the time at work I'm being payed to educate youth) Lars shouldn't have the final say. If one rants and anther doesn't and they tye, the ranter should win. I don't know the final solution, but we need to refine this system. Right now I'm pumpin Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" on the iTunes. It seems to help, next up is "war", followed by some Rage Against the Machine.
Today I do have a life, so I deserve some quick pics. This week is in my opinion the hardest so far- There are almost no safe pics. I might win out, or I might get skunked. We'll see.
I LOVE the Phins over the MotorCityKities!
I LOVE the BROKEBACKS over the TAMPONS!
I LOve the CHEFS over the BACOS!
I LOve the PURP over the CARDS! Theres a feeling of urgency in the air. If they loose this week all hell might break loose.
I love the PANTS over the SKINS!
I Love the BAGLES over POOPSTAINS!
I LOVE the J.E.T.S. over the Cowskulls!
I LOVE BARFELLO over the Jag-oooo-wahs!
I LOVE the Falcors over the Aints!
I LOVE the RAVEENS over the GAY TACONITE ORE PROCESSORS!
I LOVE the EWES over the CRUSTY PROSPECTORS!
I LOVE the Bolts over the RAY-DUHS!
I LOVE da BERS over the PATS! Sorry Lars. I grew up in New England too.
I LOVE the GENTS over the Mighty TEETS!
I LOVE the CULTS to rebound over the quaterback-less UGLIES!
and
I LOVE THE SHAWKS over the PACK and Farve's bum elbow!
later
Sunday, November 19, 2006
In Memoriam NFC
I LOVE the Ravecors over the Falsucks - because they're not the Falsucks.
I LOVE the Texmex over the Large Furry Cowhunter - It says here J.P. Losman looks like a supersized, incompetent version of Doug Flutie.
I LOVE the Bears over the Jets - I think Grossman has an evil twin who occasionally kidnaps and takes his place in games.
I LOVE the Aints over the Bungles - Aints can't stop anyone, but neither can bungles, and Aints are America's team. It's unpatriotic to pick against them.
I LOVE the Phins over the Vikes - It's ironic that for all those years the Vikes offense was awesome but their defense sucked so bad they couldn't get over the hump. Now they've got a great defense and they've got Brad Johnson "managing" the offense.
I LOVE the Pats over the Pack - No way Brady loses three in a row.
I LOVE the Chefs over the Oaks - No way I'm ever picking the Oaks again.
I LOVE the Steelers over the Browns - W. Parker runs over 397 yards and Reuben Droughns has a lot of extra letters in his name.
I LOVE the Pants over the Rams - I've picked the Rams like 4 weeks in a row, and they've lost like 4 weeks in a row. Twice I've picked them over the S-hawks...and twice they've lost on last-second field goals. No more, Rams, no more.
I LOVE the Ugglies. Who are they playing?
I LOVE the Tampons over the Skins - Cadillac needs an oil change, though.
I LOVE Cards over Lions - I'm picking the Cards every week, cuz surely they have to win again sometime, right?
I LOVE the Shawks over the Fighting Stadium Deals - Where the frick is Santa Clara, anyway?
I LOVE the Indy 500 over the Sixth-Round QBs - I really feel like Lars is picking on me, and it hurts man. Is this still because of that thing with the pickled herring? It was totally an accident. How could I know that the brakes wouldn't work and your hands would swell up to the size of a normal persons?
I LOVE the Bolts over the Bcos - Can't wait for Merriman, can't wait for Merriman, can't wait...
I LOVE the Gs over the Jacks - I give up on picking either of these teams. Can I pick apathy?
I LOVE the Texmex over the Large Furry Cowhunter - It says here J.P. Losman looks like a supersized, incompetent version of Doug Flutie.
I LOVE the Bears over the Jets - I think Grossman has an evil twin who occasionally kidnaps and takes his place in games.
I LOVE the Aints over the Bungles - Aints can't stop anyone, but neither can bungles, and Aints are America's team. It's unpatriotic to pick against them.
I LOVE the Phins over the Vikes - It's ironic that for all those years the Vikes offense was awesome but their defense sucked so bad they couldn't get over the hump. Now they've got a great defense and they've got Brad Johnson "managing" the offense.
I LOVE the Pats over the Pack - No way Brady loses three in a row.
I LOVE the Chefs over the Oaks - No way I'm ever picking the Oaks again.
I LOVE the Steelers over the Browns - W. Parker runs over 397 yards and Reuben Droughns has a lot of extra letters in his name.
I LOVE the Pants over the Rams - I've picked the Rams like 4 weeks in a row, and they've lost like 4 weeks in a row. Twice I've picked them over the S-hawks...and twice they've lost on last-second field goals. No more, Rams, no more.
I LOVE the Ugglies. Who are they playing?
I LOVE the Tampons over the Skins - Cadillac needs an oil change, though.
I LOVE Cards over Lions - I'm picking the Cards every week, cuz surely they have to win again sometime, right?
I LOVE the Shawks over the Fighting Stadium Deals - Where the frick is Santa Clara, anyway?
I LOVE the Indy 500 over the Sixth-Round QBs - I really feel like Lars is picking on me, and it hurts man. Is this still because of that thing with the pickled herring? It was totally an accident. How could I know that the brakes wouldn't work and your hands would swell up to the size of a normal persons?
I LOVE the Bolts over the Bcos - Can't wait for Merriman, can't wait for Merriman, can't wait...
I LOVE the Gs over the Jacks - I give up on picking either of these teams. Can I pick apathy?
Saturday, November 18, 2006
I'm back
Last week I took my second bye week. Having won my first game the week before, I was not accustomed to responsibly celebrating a win. Unfortunately, this led to a week of debauchery, drunkenness, and even a little embezzlement. Under no circumstances was I in a state to make picks, and for that, I apologize. I'm embarrassed by these actions but seek to redeem myself with my next win. Here are my picks for this week:
Cin over NO
Buf over Hou
GB over NE
Oak over KC
Balt over Atl
Chi over NYJ
Pit over Clev
Car over StL
Phi over Ten
TB over Wash
Minn over Mia
Sea over SF
Det over Ariz
Dal over Ind
SD over Den
NYG over Jax
Cin over NO
Buf over Hou
GB over NE
Oak over KC
Balt over Atl
Chi over NYJ
Pit over Clev
Car over StL
Phi over Ten
TB over Wash
Minn over Mia
Sea over SF
Det over Ariz
Dal over Ind
SD over Den
NYG over Jax
Not Even a Title This Time
Pittsburgh
Pats
Colts
Bears
KC
Vikings
Bengals
Eagles
Bucs
Panthers
Ravens
Texans
Lions
Hawks
Chargers
Giants
Pats
Colts
Bears
KC
Vikings
Bengals
Eagles
Bucs
Panthers
Ravens
Texans
Lions
Hawks
Chargers
Giants
Hawnks in depth look at actual football.
tarvaris "put me in" jacksonI haven’t seen someone avoid a topic like hans has, since the last time I had a sty the size of an avocado stuck in my eye and proceeded to make fun of Tim’s somewhat smaller sty. Hooo-ah.. I’m not sure if I’ve had one rant all season that actually talked about football. Sure, I could take the Kasey “ooh I’m in Grad School” approach and blame it on my large number of projects, like for instance the ten page paper I just wrote about Kevin Costner’s the Postman. I’ll send it to anyone who wants it as proof of what grad school is teaching me. Don’t get me started on how many years I will be paying for G-school. I mean that Postman paper probably cost me $7,342 to write. Worth it, I might add. Anyway, I’d like to thank Lars for his Poppy and Luke Pepper tribute (give yourself a rant point soon, man) and also for coming to my art show last week. So I tried to actually mention at least a player, stat, or educated opinion within each game rant.
Atlanta vs balti. Hi, I’m steve mcNair. I made 8 million dollars last year, and I wasn’t even that good. I now have 27 fishing poles in my garage, and a workout room in my basement with mirrors all around, so my wife can watch herself bounce on the big workout ball. I love Baltiless
Buff vs Houston Buff’s coach (Dick) Jauron said 'I love where we're going, not where we're at.' " and I’d respond with, what the hell are you talking about, where you at is terrible and where you going is horrible. I love buffalo anyway.
Chic vs NYJets Two road games back to back in the same stadium. I can just picture Rex in the locker room saying “hey, my whitey tighties are still here, and so are the skid marks. “ I love Chicago
Bungles vs Saints what happened in the Bingles locker room last week? I swear special teams was playing Bubla (bubble hockey), the offense was playing Golden Eye, and the Defense was playing Frolf. When they came back onto the field, they all had that, N64 look in their eyes, like hey, I just can’t function in the real world without my rocket launcher and hawk-eye mid-range disc. I love Bungles and frolf references.
Minn vs Miam I love Minn
I still can’t get over the fact that Brad J is still in the game. What
have we got to lose. Put Tarvaris Jackson in and let’s get interesting.
I love rookie QB’s and have a feeling he has got some flee flickers up his sleeves. The vikes, historically speaking, have only had winning seasons when flea flickers have been a common part of the playbook. We almost recovered an onside kick the other day. Not exactly a flea flicker, but definitely funner to watch than same old Brad “loss of 17 yrds” Johnson.
England vs green bay. Patriots exist as my least favorite team of all time. I love streaks, especially losing streaks. I love Greese Bay.
Oak vs Kansas city Trent green’s concussion has subsided, but he still isn’t allowed to play unless he wares yellow strips of fabric velcroed to his pants. and a helmet over his helmet. I love KC
Pitt vs Cleveland Definitely a rematch game. The browns are furious after last years Pitt game. and I love furious foutball. I love angry Brown.
Loius vs carol you got to love vomiting wide receivers. I hope steve smith was the player that they decided to attach a microphone to during the game. What a gag reel that would be. I love carol
tennis vs. philly Quarter back attack. I love mcNabble’s eggles
wash vs tB J. Campbell has never played in a single down. I love it. and wish the vikes would follow suit. I love skins
detriment vs cards I wonder how Denny got into futball in the first place? I love lions
seat vs franscicso Alexandrea is back baby. and ooh he looks so good in that dark uniform. I hope that putty he bought at the hardware store helps keep his foot together. love seaatle
indi vs dallas I love dallas
my vote for tough-call-game-of-the-week. They have to lose sooner or later right? Unless they are another ’98 vikings team. Undefeated all the way to the playoffs, then kablam, Denny forgets how good his team is and makes some horrible decisions.
diego vs Denver Another tough call-game. 7-2 for both teams. I think 3 in a row is enough for Diego. I love Denver
giants vs Jackson I love the injury proned giant.
Dell: This One goes to Eleven...
I can't believe its already week 11- the season is flying by and that makes me really sad. You know what else makes me sad? When I drop a piece of food on the floor just as I'm about to eat it and now I can't have it. That sucks. You know what else sucks? When I'm sleeping in and the sun is shining in the window and life couldn't be better and theres a crow outside my window going "AAAARRRRRRRAAAAHHHHHHHH! AAAAAARRRRRRAAAHHHHHH!" Hey, speaking of Crows and black colored scavenger birds in general,
I LOVE the BLACKBIRDS over the FALCORS. It gives me some confidence to see that basically everyone else has mispicked the Falcors all season too- I still havn't picked them correctly. As for the Ravens, isn't it great that Tony Saragusa has found a career as the lovable famous fat ugly guy? If you passed tony on the street you'd think to yourself, "call Jenny Craig and get a haircut dude." To me, he's right up there with Dom Deluise and Wayne Knight (before his gastrobypas). Hey, speaking of fat guys, I just watched Supersize Me and learned that Houston Texas is the fattest city in America. Hey, Speaking of Houston
I LOVE the COWSKULLS over BARFALO. Hey, do you ever wonder why in all those western movies, the cowboys are riding across the desert and then theres like a cactus and a tumbleweed and a cowskull... no cow body, but just a skull? I sure do. Do the rabid Coyotes eat the body and leave the head? Did a little runt drag off the head to the shade of a nearby cactus when all the others where gorging on the belly? Hey, Speaking of ripping open the belly of poor defenceless prey,
I LOVE da BERS over the J.E.T.S.. You know what's one thing I love about flying on airplanes? It's using the little bathroom in the back with the tiny little sink. The best part is flushing the toilet, because theres the rush of blue water, the startling sound of jet engines and sucking noise at 258 decibles, and the instant pain to the center of your skull as the air presure messes with your eardrums. Then suddenly, just like that, the little metal cap closes and all is back to normal. Then you step out of the closet doors and right into the flight attendants preparing some pre packaged salads and bagels. Hey, speaking of bagels,
I LOVE the BAGLES over the AINTS. I recently heard that eating a bagel is like eating a whole loaf of bread. Boy, I could go for a loaf of bread right about now. Maybe some mayonaise, some deli sliced turkey breast and some provalone, a pickle wedge. Either that or some tuna.... hay, speaking of tuna,
I LOVE the PHINS over the PURP. I have 0 confidence in any aspect of the Vikings offence, and I refuse to pick them until they can prove that they can score, because really, whoever has the most points on the board at the end of the game usually wins. But seriously, I havn't had so little faith in something since I saw that pop up add telling me to click on the turtle and get a free IPod. Well, I clicked on the damn turtle and pretty soon I was involved in a multi-level pyramid scheme and an illegal vietnamese prostitution ring. It was just to good to be true..... Hey, speaking of Vietnamese prostitutes,
I LOVE the PATS over the PUCKERS! Yes, the Packers picked apart the Vikes last week, and in hindsight I can honestly say I had that feeling after the Pats beat the purp that the vikes would drop the next 6. Belechic has a way of exposing weaknesses, and now every team has the film. Bill, I'm willing to help. All you have to do is take out Donald Driver. Thats it. I can't even name another Packers reciever. Just take out Driver and you'll see the Packers turn to crap. Hey, speaking of crap
I LOVE the CHEFS over the RAY-DUHS! Just picture an unnaturally large, silver and black turd with an eyepatch. Now give it breasts and a motorola headset. It's Art Shell. Now get rid of the breasts and the headset and give it an afro, a big doobie, a car with a trafic cop plastered to the grill, and a bad attitude. Seriously, everybody knew it was only a matter of time before Randy became Randy again. Hey speaking of Randy, whatever happen to Randy the macho-man Savage? I havn't seen him snapping into a slimjim for a while now. I'm willing to bet he has fallen on hard times after quitting the roids cold turkey. I picture him in a Las Vegas highrise hotel room completely decked out in zebra pattern, wearing hot pink and florecent yellow spandex watching the weather chanel all by himself at 3am. Hey, speaking of losers wearing spandex,
I LOVE the Gay Taconite ORE Processors over the Skidmarks! I remember biking across the UP in 8th grade on a summer camp bike trip. One afternoon on a 85 mile day I had to crap so bad and there was no stopping, also, no way to clench my butt with the bike seat sliver up my crack and my legs pumping. Eventually, I just gave up. I figured I couldn't have crapped myself any worse, so I just got to the back of the pack and stayed downwind. When we finally did stop an hour or 2 later, I rode right to an outhouse and was amazed to find that the bikeseat had actually pinched the crap off. All that was there was a sizable skid mark. For whatever reason, I ditched my whities into the hole and rode commando for another 5 hours. My rear was so chapped I couldn't wear pants for 2 weeks. Hey, speaking of pants,
I LOVE the PANTS over the EWES! One of my favorite things to do at the Minnesota state fair is to visit the Animal Barn and see all the prize winning sheep. What I find facinating is the size of the testicles. Unbelievable. I also really like to people watch. There are so many crazy looking people blowing tons of money. One time I saw a bunch of Red Neck guys killing time before Lynyrd Skynyrd at the grandstand. One of them was eating half of a Pronto Pup off the street. Another was eating a peice of fried dough and wiping the grease on his shirt. Come to think of it, those guys might have beeen Lynyrd Skynyrd. Hay, speaking of nasty red necks,
I LOVE the UGLIES over the TEETS! You know, I find it Ironical that we've dubbed the mighty Titans the Teets, basically because we think that niples are funny and man they are, but seriously, is there any image more fitting to the Titans than a small, undernourished runt struggling to get at one of the many teets for sweet milk? Hey, speaking of teets on the smooth skined underbelly of a sow,
I LOVE the SKINS over the TAMPONS! Hey, speaking of nasty used feminine products and vomit in my mouth,
I LOVE the CARDS over the MOTOCITYKITYS! Arizona is like few other places in the US, except for Florida and Fort Worth Texas. The entire population consists of drunk college students and lots of old people who need the heat to live. They wear mixed plads, watch Matlock and play shuffleboard. They also play lots of golf and suck the water in the colorado river dry. Hey, speaking of old people,
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the CRUSTY OLD PROSPECTORS! I hear that San Fransisco is a pretty far out place. There's lots of free love going on. Also lots of LSD, Jefferson Airplane, Robin WIlliams movies and sourdough bread. It is a place full of mind-freeing ideas, and I'll admit it. Theres a part of me that wants to move there, live among the many homeless wearing nothing but a single sock and begging for fish at the warf. We'd take lots of mind-bending drugs, sing hippy songs, and worship the great mother starship Sha-booboo Sham-ah-nah who prepares a glorious orgy filled space rainbow for us. Hey, speaking of crazy religions,
I LOVE the CULTS over the BROKEBACKS! Wow, having a broken back would really suck. All you can do is watch daytime TV and observe the people who feed and clean you. I've heard of parapalegics who have shock therapy. Hey, speaking of shocks,
I LOVE the BOLTS over the BACOS! I lit myself up 2 weeks ago. One of the electric Pottery wheels in the art room stopped working, and I discovered that the chord had been shaved down to the wires and partially severed because it was tangled around the spinning base of a kick wheel. I found this out only after I had connected the curcuit through my body. I squeeled, loudly, like a little girl, and held onto the thing for a few seconds until I could let go. Then I stood and starred at the wall motionless with metalic tasting drool coming out of my mouth for a few minutes. Hey speaking, of spit,
I LOVE the GENTS over the JAG-OOO-WAHS! Is anyone else scared to death by Tom Coughlin? For all the attention Bobby Knight gets for grabbing his players by their necks, why isn't anyone going after Coughlin? I am sure he bitch slaps, busts a few nuts with his knee, and goes 3 stooges on his players in the locker room. Hey, speaking of wasting 4 hours on a who do you love posting......
I LOVE the BLACKBIRDS over the FALCORS. It gives me some confidence to see that basically everyone else has mispicked the Falcors all season too- I still havn't picked them correctly. As for the Ravens, isn't it great that Tony Saragusa has found a career as the lovable famous fat ugly guy? If you passed tony on the street you'd think to yourself, "call Jenny Craig and get a haircut dude." To me, he's right up there with Dom Deluise and Wayne Knight (before his gastrobypas). Hey, speaking of fat guys, I just watched Supersize Me and learned that Houston Texas is the fattest city in America. Hey, Speaking of Houston
I LOVE the COWSKULLS over BARFALO. Hey, do you ever wonder why in all those western movies, the cowboys are riding across the desert and then theres like a cactus and a tumbleweed and a cowskull... no cow body, but just a skull? I sure do. Do the rabid Coyotes eat the body and leave the head? Did a little runt drag off the head to the shade of a nearby cactus when all the others where gorging on the belly? Hey, Speaking of ripping open the belly of poor defenceless prey,
I LOVE da BERS over the J.E.T.S.. You know what's one thing I love about flying on airplanes? It's using the little bathroom in the back with the tiny little sink. The best part is flushing the toilet, because theres the rush of blue water, the startling sound of jet engines and sucking noise at 258 decibles, and the instant pain to the center of your skull as the air presure messes with your eardrums. Then suddenly, just like that, the little metal cap closes and all is back to normal. Then you step out of the closet doors and right into the flight attendants preparing some pre packaged salads and bagels. Hey, speaking of bagels,
I LOVE the BAGLES over the AINTS. I recently heard that eating a bagel is like eating a whole loaf of bread. Boy, I could go for a loaf of bread right about now. Maybe some mayonaise, some deli sliced turkey breast and some provalone, a pickle wedge. Either that or some tuna.... hay, speaking of tuna,
I LOVE the PHINS over the PURP. I have 0 confidence in any aspect of the Vikings offence, and I refuse to pick them until they can prove that they can score, because really, whoever has the most points on the board at the end of the game usually wins. But seriously, I havn't had so little faith in something since I saw that pop up add telling me to click on the turtle and get a free IPod. Well, I clicked on the damn turtle and pretty soon I was involved in a multi-level pyramid scheme and an illegal vietnamese prostitution ring. It was just to good to be true..... Hey, speaking of Vietnamese prostitutes,
I LOVE the PATS over the PUCKERS! Yes, the Packers picked apart the Vikes last week, and in hindsight I can honestly say I had that feeling after the Pats beat the purp that the vikes would drop the next 6. Belechic has a way of exposing weaknesses, and now every team has the film. Bill, I'm willing to help. All you have to do is take out Donald Driver. Thats it. I can't even name another Packers reciever. Just take out Driver and you'll see the Packers turn to crap. Hey, speaking of crap
I LOVE the CHEFS over the RAY-DUHS! Just picture an unnaturally large, silver and black turd with an eyepatch. Now give it breasts and a motorola headset. It's Art Shell. Now get rid of the breasts and the headset and give it an afro, a big doobie, a car with a trafic cop plastered to the grill, and a bad attitude. Seriously, everybody knew it was only a matter of time before Randy became Randy again. Hey speaking of Randy, whatever happen to Randy the macho-man Savage? I havn't seen him snapping into a slimjim for a while now. I'm willing to bet he has fallen on hard times after quitting the roids cold turkey. I picture him in a Las Vegas highrise hotel room completely decked out in zebra pattern, wearing hot pink and florecent yellow spandex watching the weather chanel all by himself at 3am. Hey, speaking of losers wearing spandex,
I LOVE the Gay Taconite ORE Processors over the Skidmarks! I remember biking across the UP in 8th grade on a summer camp bike trip. One afternoon on a 85 mile day I had to crap so bad and there was no stopping, also, no way to clench my butt with the bike seat sliver up my crack and my legs pumping. Eventually, I just gave up. I figured I couldn't have crapped myself any worse, so I just got to the back of the pack and stayed downwind. When we finally did stop an hour or 2 later, I rode right to an outhouse and was amazed to find that the bikeseat had actually pinched the crap off. All that was there was a sizable skid mark. For whatever reason, I ditched my whities into the hole and rode commando for another 5 hours. My rear was so chapped I couldn't wear pants for 2 weeks. Hey, speaking of pants,
I LOVE the PANTS over the EWES! One of my favorite things to do at the Minnesota state fair is to visit the Animal Barn and see all the prize winning sheep. What I find facinating is the size of the testicles. Unbelievable. I also really like to people watch. There are so many crazy looking people blowing tons of money. One time I saw a bunch of Red Neck guys killing time before Lynyrd Skynyrd at the grandstand. One of them was eating half of a Pronto Pup off the street. Another was eating a peice of fried dough and wiping the grease on his shirt. Come to think of it, those guys might have beeen Lynyrd Skynyrd. Hay, speaking of nasty red necks,
I LOVE the UGLIES over the TEETS! You know, I find it Ironical that we've dubbed the mighty Titans the Teets, basically because we think that niples are funny and man they are, but seriously, is there any image more fitting to the Titans than a small, undernourished runt struggling to get at one of the many teets for sweet milk? Hey, speaking of teets on the smooth skined underbelly of a sow,
I LOVE the SKINS over the TAMPONS! Hey, speaking of nasty used feminine products and vomit in my mouth,
I LOVE the CARDS over the MOTOCITYKITYS! Arizona is like few other places in the US, except for Florida and Fort Worth Texas. The entire population consists of drunk college students and lots of old people who need the heat to live. They wear mixed plads, watch Matlock and play shuffleboard. They also play lots of golf and suck the water in the colorado river dry. Hey, speaking of old people,
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the CRUSTY OLD PROSPECTORS! I hear that San Fransisco is a pretty far out place. There's lots of free love going on. Also lots of LSD, Jefferson Airplane, Robin WIlliams movies and sourdough bread. It is a place full of mind-freeing ideas, and I'll admit it. Theres a part of me that wants to move there, live among the many homeless wearing nothing but a single sock and begging for fish at the warf. We'd take lots of mind-bending drugs, sing hippy songs, and worship the great mother starship Sha-booboo Sham-ah-nah who prepares a glorious orgy filled space rainbow for us. Hey, speaking of crazy religions,
I LOVE the CULTS over the BROKEBACKS! Wow, having a broken back would really suck. All you can do is watch daytime TV and observe the people who feed and clean you. I've heard of parapalegics who have shock therapy. Hey, speaking of shocks,
I LOVE the BOLTS over the BACOS! I lit myself up 2 weeks ago. One of the electric Pottery wheels in the art room stopped working, and I discovered that the chord had been shaved down to the wires and partially severed because it was tangled around the spinning base of a kick wheel. I found this out only after I had connected the curcuit through my body. I squeeled, loudly, like a little girl, and held onto the thing for a few seconds until I could let go. Then I stood and starred at the wall motionless with metalic tasting drool coming out of my mouth for a few minutes. Hey speaking, of spit,
I LOVE the GENTS over the JAG-OOO-WAHS! Is anyone else scared to death by Tom Coughlin? For all the attention Bobby Knight gets for grabbing his players by their necks, why isn't anyone going after Coughlin? I am sure he bitch slaps, busts a few nuts with his knee, and goes 3 stooges on his players in the locker room. Hey, speaking of wasting 4 hours on a who do you love posting......
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Legend - 11 signing in
I love the Faclors over the Raven!!! This pick has nothing to do with anything except that I know that the Falcons will lose, that's logically why I am picking them to win. I realized that there has been a Falcons each year. In the WDYL flagship season of 2004 it was the Jags, last year it was the Giants, and now the worst of them all, the Falcons. It makes me want to harm puppies. Falcons by 7!!!
I love Houston over Buffalo!!! How bad have the Texans made me look this year? I step out on a limb saying they'll win over the Skins and Brunell complete an NFL record 22 passes in the first half. Then I go out on a limb and say the Jags will slaughter them and the Texans smite me twice!!! It's infuriating. They might play in an airport hanger, but I'll pick them at home this week. Skulls by 6!!!
I love the Jets over the Bears!!! It's an upset special for me. The Jets have proved a lot this year. I get ManGINA can go back to being MANgini after his D really shut down the Pats in the second half of last week game. I think the road trip will take a toll on the Bears and this is a classic letdown game. Jets by 10!!!
I love the Bungels over the Holies!!!! After watching the Vikes for three straight weeks, the Cinci/SD game last week was like watching God himself play football. I guess recievers can catch balls, QB's can throw past 4 yards, and that the NFL can keep me awake. That said, I see Carson going on a tear and is it too early to add Phillip Rivers into the MVP discussion? Hate to say I told you so. Bungholes by 14!!!
I love the Vikes in Miamah!!! This one goes against conventional wisdom as well, but two factors sway me: 1) I've picked the Fins as winners twice this year. That's rare, and though I expect them to play well down the stretch, I don’t see them winning three in a row. and 2) Childress has to make adjustments, right? If the Vikes lose this one hopelessly, look for my body off the shore of Gary Indiana somewhere. Purple by Lars' very life!!!
I love the Pats in Lambeau!!! First the Pats have lost 2 games in arow in three years. Needless to say, I see a new streak starting onSunday. Pats by 10!!!
Hmmm, I guess I love the Cheifs in Arrowhead!! Speaking of LarryJohnson, Grandmama's hornets jersey was my 4th favorite NBA jersey ofthe 90s. the top three? 3) Brad Daughtery baby blue, orange and black Cavs jersey, 2) Mutombo royal blue Nugget jersey (I owned this one, imagine him crying on the ground and holding onto a ball with Laphonso Ellis hugging him, and 1) Arvydas Sabonis White Blazers jersey. He looked like the Stay-Puff marshmellow man in that jersey. Chefs by7!!!
I love the Brownies at home!!!! In the battle of MAC quartebacks, I expect Chris Kaman to be on the sidelines in a sheep-skin toga, eating goat meat off the bone, and beating random players with a club. Brownsby 7!!!
I love the Pants over the Rams!!! Pants looked good on monday night. Ilike Thomas Davis a lot, even though if he was a fake rookie on MaddenI wouldn't draft him due to a very pedestrian name. Pants by 3!!!
I love the Ugglies over the Tits!!! i'm not even ranting about this hellhole of a game. Hans, enjoyed the show last weekend. I liked when you smeared an infant in poop and feed it habanero peppers. It was powerful for me. Ugglies by 7!!!
I love the Skins over the Bucs!!! I expect a gross clash of colors in this game. Is too early to give the Skins the NY Knicks, "I guess we shouldn't overpay below average washed-up veteran afterall" award.I'll be rooting for Jason Campbell. Skins by 10!!
I love the Cards to get their first win in 9 weeks over the Lions!!! Let's talk draft strategy: the Cards gotta grab Joe Thomas from Wisconsin right? And the Lions should be looking a Brady Quinn right?Oh, the season is still going for these teams? Cards by 7!!!
I love the 9ers over the Shawks!!! The 9ers have quietly gotten better on defense, and by the time they are playing in Santa Clara they might be better than USC. 9ers by 3!!!
I love the Boys over the Colts!!! C'mon Lemke, even you are not impressed with the Colts these days. They are not a 9-0 team that scares anybody. This is a tough road game and I'll call the first Indyloss. Boys by 10!!!
I love the Bolts in the game of the week!!! Even after the Bolts win in a shoot out, a bunch of you saps will take Denver won't you. Even after the Bcos barely survived a game against the Raiders, half of you sap bags will pick the Bcos. Do your worst, but I think it's a special year for the Bolts and I'll be watching this game with much interest. Bolts by 10!!!
I love the Jags over the Gmen!!! Jags are frustrating but I'll hold to my theory that they will play well enough to make the playoffs and get bounced in the wild card round. Jag by 3!!!
I love Houston over Buffalo!!! How bad have the Texans made me look this year? I step out on a limb saying they'll win over the Skins and Brunell complete an NFL record 22 passes in the first half. Then I go out on a limb and say the Jags will slaughter them and the Texans smite me twice!!! It's infuriating. They might play in an airport hanger, but I'll pick them at home this week. Skulls by 6!!!
I love the Jets over the Bears!!! It's an upset special for me. The Jets have proved a lot this year. I get ManGINA can go back to being MANgini after his D really shut down the Pats in the second half of last week game. I think the road trip will take a toll on the Bears and this is a classic letdown game. Jets by 10!!!
I love the Bungels over the Holies!!!! After watching the Vikes for three straight weeks, the Cinci/SD game last week was like watching God himself play football. I guess recievers can catch balls, QB's can throw past 4 yards, and that the NFL can keep me awake. That said, I see Carson going on a tear and is it too early to add Phillip Rivers into the MVP discussion? Hate to say I told you so. Bungholes by 14!!!
I love the Vikes in Miamah!!! This one goes against conventional wisdom as well, but two factors sway me: 1) I've picked the Fins as winners twice this year. That's rare, and though I expect them to play well down the stretch, I don’t see them winning three in a row. and 2) Childress has to make adjustments, right? If the Vikes lose this one hopelessly, look for my body off the shore of Gary Indiana somewhere. Purple by Lars' very life!!!
I love the Pats in Lambeau!!! First the Pats have lost 2 games in arow in three years. Needless to say, I see a new streak starting onSunday. Pats by 10!!!
Hmmm, I guess I love the Cheifs in Arrowhead!! Speaking of LarryJohnson, Grandmama's hornets jersey was my 4th favorite NBA jersey ofthe 90s. the top three? 3) Brad Daughtery baby blue, orange and black Cavs jersey, 2) Mutombo royal blue Nugget jersey (I owned this one, imagine him crying on the ground and holding onto a ball with Laphonso Ellis hugging him, and 1) Arvydas Sabonis White Blazers jersey. He looked like the Stay-Puff marshmellow man in that jersey. Chefs by7!!!
I love the Brownies at home!!!! In the battle of MAC quartebacks, I expect Chris Kaman to be on the sidelines in a sheep-skin toga, eating goat meat off the bone, and beating random players with a club. Brownsby 7!!!
I love the Pants over the Rams!!! Pants looked good on monday night. Ilike Thomas Davis a lot, even though if he was a fake rookie on MaddenI wouldn't draft him due to a very pedestrian name. Pants by 3!!!
I love the Ugglies over the Tits!!! i'm not even ranting about this hellhole of a game. Hans, enjoyed the show last weekend. I liked when you smeared an infant in poop and feed it habanero peppers. It was powerful for me. Ugglies by 7!!!
I love the Skins over the Bucs!!! I expect a gross clash of colors in this game. Is too early to give the Skins the NY Knicks, "I guess we shouldn't overpay below average washed-up veteran afterall" award.I'll be rooting for Jason Campbell. Skins by 10!!
I love the Cards to get their first win in 9 weeks over the Lions!!! Let's talk draft strategy: the Cards gotta grab Joe Thomas from Wisconsin right? And the Lions should be looking a Brady Quinn right?Oh, the season is still going for these teams? Cards by 7!!!
I love the 9ers over the Shawks!!! The 9ers have quietly gotten better on defense, and by the time they are playing in Santa Clara they might be better than USC. 9ers by 3!!!
I love the Boys over the Colts!!! C'mon Lemke, even you are not impressed with the Colts these days. They are not a 9-0 team that scares anybody. This is a tough road game and I'll call the first Indyloss. Boys by 10!!!
I love the Bolts in the game of the week!!! Even after the Bolts win in a shoot out, a bunch of you saps will take Denver won't you. Even after the Bcos barely survived a game against the Raiders, half of you sap bags will pick the Bcos. Do your worst, but I think it's a special year for the Bolts and I'll be watching this game with much interest. Bolts by 10!!!
I love the Jags over the Gmen!!! Jags are frustrating but I'll hold to my theory that they will play well enough to make the playoffs and get bounced in the wild card round. Jag by 3!!!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
mascot wars
I’m gona set this week up as if the teems mascots were batteling it out. Example. The phoenix sunsquatch vs. the Double Dribble blue blob. The sunsquatch leeps upon a trampoleen to body slam the blue blob, but the blue blob is apparently just a lake, a shallow lake, and the sunsquatch lands head first resulting in a fractured spinal cord. The sunsquatch has to wear one of those head cages for a year. I love the Lakers mascot from double dribble.
A raven vs a titan. Alothough I loved that clash of the Titans movie we all watched numerous times through out our lower educational years, I believe that a raven would simply peck a titans eyes out. It sounds very mythological. I love the ravens.
A colt vs a Bill. Normally I would pick a buffalo over a colt anyday in a fight, however the added Bill at the end, leads me to believe that Buffalos mascot is just some guy named bill, who lives in buffalo new york. Dirty hippy. I love the colts
The color Brown vs a falcor. Need I say much here. I love the falcors
A Viking vs a packer. Again need I say much. This has to be one of the great futbal rivalries, although lately both teams mascots seem to be drunk and quiet awkward. Vikes need to put in their third string QB, I never understand why teams don’t take more chances, especially when they have nothing to lose. I love the Vikeries but please put in
G. Bush vs a jaguar. I would love to see this one. The epitome of giving Christianity a bad name vs. a rabid jaguar. I love the jaguars with rabies.
A chief vs a dolphin. This fight would go on for hours. Probably the hardest pic of the week. The wresteling match would take place in sea and on land, and mostly involve rolling around and grunting. I think I love the Chiefs.
Mel Gibsons patriot vs a Jet. Who has a jet as a mascot? I love the patty Burgers
A beangle vs a charher. I know the chargers were named by a board of elders, who were bribed by the power company in Diego. It reminds me of all these stadiums being named after public works companies. Lame. I love the bungries
A lion vs. a 49er. Just pitcher an old codge panning for gold, butt crack hanging out, mumbling to himself, no teeth, then picture a large lion flying in out of nowhere rolling a couple of times.. end of seen. Asland has rabies. I love the lionts
Eagle vs a redskin. The eagle as some sort of spirit bird kills any man any day. I love the eggles
I’m out of time. I love the bronries
I love the stellers
I love the cowhands
I love the S-Hawks
I love the Gianst
I love the black Pantehrs
A raven vs a titan. Alothough I loved that clash of the Titans movie we all watched numerous times through out our lower educational years, I believe that a raven would simply peck a titans eyes out. It sounds very mythological. I love the ravens.
A colt vs a Bill. Normally I would pick a buffalo over a colt anyday in a fight, however the added Bill at the end, leads me to believe that Buffalos mascot is just some guy named bill, who lives in buffalo new york. Dirty hippy. I love the colts
The color Brown vs a falcor. Need I say much here. I love the falcors
A Viking vs a packer. Again need I say much. This has to be one of the great futbal rivalries, although lately both teams mascots seem to be drunk and quiet awkward. Vikes need to put in their third string QB, I never understand why teams don’t take more chances, especially when they have nothing to lose. I love the Vikeries but please put in
G. Bush vs a jaguar. I would love to see this one. The epitome of giving Christianity a bad name vs. a rabid jaguar. I love the jaguars with rabies.
A chief vs a dolphin. This fight would go on for hours. Probably the hardest pic of the week. The wresteling match would take place in sea and on land, and mostly involve rolling around and grunting. I think I love the Chiefs.
Mel Gibsons patriot vs a Jet. Who has a jet as a mascot? I love the patty Burgers
A beangle vs a charher. I know the chargers were named by a board of elders, who were bribed by the power company in Diego. It reminds me of all these stadiums being named after public works companies. Lame. I love the bungries
A lion vs. a 49er. Just pitcher an old codge panning for gold, butt crack hanging out, mumbling to himself, no teeth, then picture a large lion flying in out of nowhere rolling a couple of times.. end of seen. Asland has rabies. I love the lionts
Eagle vs a redskin. The eagle as some sort of spirit bird kills any man any day. I love the eggles
I’m out of time. I love the bronries
I love the stellers
I love the cowhands
I love the S-Hawks
I love the Gianst
I love the black Pantehrs
Why twist an Oreo when you can dunk?
David, I pay homage to your picture of playing rugby at Mackinac High. Ah, when we were boys...
I LOVE Ravens. Total grudge match for McNair. After scoring a touchdown, he celebrates by pretending to open the training facility door, finding it locked, getting in his car, and driving to Baltimore.
I LOVE the Colts. I also LOVE how Lars rips on me for thinking that the Colts are pretty good even though THEY ARE 8-0. You're right Lars, they're actually really terrible and just pretending to be good.
I HATE Atlanta, but still think they will win even though they are the Falsucks.
I LOVE the Vikes, although not really after watching the ugliest offense this side of Oakland for a whole season.
I LOVE the Jags. Do they have the first all-black quarterback controversy in league history? No others are popping to mind.
I LOVE the Chefs. Grandmama will get 40 touches again this week. I'm thinking he's approaching Eddie George territory. Big, bruising runner who absolutely carries his team, loves to demolish defenders, and gets 993 carries a year. Then he's 29 and the wheels fall off.
I LOVE the Pats. Pats did their best Denny Green Vikes "what the hell were they thinking" impression. Still will probably be in the S-Bowl.
I LOVE the Chargers. I'm not sure that they'll win, but I love 'em so I'm picking them.
I LOVE the Lions. At least when they're home against the 9ers.
I LOVE the Eagles. Hank Baskett is a poor man's Eric Parker.
I LOVE the Bcos. Actually, I love the Raiders. I rejoice in how absolutely horrible they are with great glee. I love to watch them fail. I love the disorganization and chaos that occurs every time they step on the field. I love that they manage to make mistakes that you so rarely see, like Andrew Walter being sacked on three consecutive plays, or Randy Moss dropping third down passes when there's no one near him. I can honestly say they are my absolute favorite team to watch this year. Go silver and black! Yeah!
I LOVE the Cards. Upset alert! Upset alert! (Imagine me using a robot voice when you read that, it's much cooler.)
I LOVE the Steelers over the Aints. I'm hereby picking against the Aints every week. This can't be happening. There must be tear in the time-space continuum.
I LOVE the Rams. Seneca Wallace, formerly of the ISU Cyclones, I love you, but you're more Jarius Jackson than Steve Young.
I LOVE the G-men. Sorry, Bears fans, but you had to know that this team had some problems. They'll still win the division, but this game could cost them home field, and thus a S-bowl berth.
I LOVE the Pants. In a contest between Chucky, Jake Delhomme, and me, who would win the award for "Most strange candid facial expressions when something goes wrong?" It's a good thing none of us play poker.
All Sundquists poop their pants.
I LOVE Ravens. Total grudge match for McNair. After scoring a touchdown, he celebrates by pretending to open the training facility door, finding it locked, getting in his car, and driving to Baltimore.
I LOVE the Colts. I also LOVE how Lars rips on me for thinking that the Colts are pretty good even though THEY ARE 8-0. You're right Lars, they're actually really terrible and just pretending to be good.
I HATE Atlanta, but still think they will win even though they are the Falsucks.
I LOVE the Vikes, although not really after watching the ugliest offense this side of Oakland for a whole season.
I LOVE the Jags. Do they have the first all-black quarterback controversy in league history? No others are popping to mind.
I LOVE the Chefs. Grandmama will get 40 touches again this week. I'm thinking he's approaching Eddie George territory. Big, bruising runner who absolutely carries his team, loves to demolish defenders, and gets 993 carries a year. Then he's 29 and the wheels fall off.
I LOVE the Pats. Pats did their best Denny Green Vikes "what the hell were they thinking" impression. Still will probably be in the S-Bowl.
I LOVE the Chargers. I'm not sure that they'll win, but I love 'em so I'm picking them.
I LOVE the Lions. At least when they're home against the 9ers.
I LOVE the Eagles. Hank Baskett is a poor man's Eric Parker.
I LOVE the Bcos. Actually, I love the Raiders. I rejoice in how absolutely horrible they are with great glee. I love to watch them fail. I love the disorganization and chaos that occurs every time they step on the field. I love that they manage to make mistakes that you so rarely see, like Andrew Walter being sacked on three consecutive plays, or Randy Moss dropping third down passes when there's no one near him. I can honestly say they are my absolute favorite team to watch this year. Go silver and black! Yeah!
I LOVE the Cards. Upset alert! Upset alert! (Imagine me using a robot voice when you read that, it's much cooler.)
I LOVE the Steelers over the Aints. I'm hereby picking against the Aints every week. This can't be happening. There must be tear in the time-space continuum.
I LOVE the Rams. Seneca Wallace, formerly of the ISU Cyclones, I love you, but you're more Jarius Jackson than Steve Young.
I LOVE the G-men. Sorry, Bears fans, but you had to know that this team had some problems. They'll still win the division, but this game could cost them home field, and thus a S-bowl berth.
I LOVE the Pants. In a contest between Chucky, Jake Delhomme, and me, who would win the award for "Most strange candid facial expressions when something goes wrong?" It's a good thing none of us play poker.
All Sundquists poop their pants.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
skcip
Falcors
Bungles
Lions
Ravens
Colts
Chefs
Vikings
Pats
Eagles
Jags
Bacos
Cowboys
Stellers
Rams
Bears
Panters
Your Mom
Your Mom
Your Mom
Instead of a rant, here's a picture of me on my first day of school at Manistee High in August of 1998. I thought I was so cool in my soccer jersey (for the record, I was a captain). What a maroon.
Bungles
Lions
Ravens
Colts
Chefs
Vikings
Pats
Eagles
Jags
Bacos
Cowboys
Stellers
Rams
Bears
Panters
Your Mom
Your Mom
Your Mom
Instead of a rant, here's a picture of me on my first day of school at Manistee High in August of 1998. I thought I was so cool in my soccer jersey (for the record, I was a captain). What a maroon.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Dell Turns it on Again... Week 10
Perhaps you missed the single biggest news story of the past week- Bigger than the Democrats taking over Washington, bigger than Saddam sentenced to death by hanging, bigger in fact, than the NFL itself. May favorite 80’s band, Genesis, is reuniting with front man Phil Collins to mount a world tour!!!! I have disowned my family and moved out of my house and into a tent outside Target center for the eventual concert next year sometime.
I LOVE the Raveens over the Teets! “That’s All”
“It’s always the same, It’s just a shame, that’s all.” You know what you’re gonna get with the Ravens. That’s why they drive me crazy. Solid D play, at least 2 defensive scores and a mediocre offence. I don’t give the teets much of a chance, and yes Lars, Vince Young does have pudgy cheeks, but I was thinking more along the lines of the older brother from Family matters… what was his name, Eddie?
I LOVE the Cults over Barfalo. “Jesus He Knows Me”
Lars, its tough for me to outright Hate the colts, because Tony Dungy has the Jesus in him. He strikes me as the kind of coach who really cares- I bet he takes the colts out to Dairy Queen after every game, win or loss. Jesus, he knows Tony Dungy, and he knows he's right.
I SUPPOSE I LOVE to Falcors over the Skidmarks!
I’d like to completely forget about Genesis here and stick in “I Hate Everything About You” by Ugly Kid Joe. I have incorrectly picked the Falcons every single game this season, and I swear on my life, if they loose this game (which they probably will) I will personally dowse myself in Karosene and burn Buddhist monk style in protest.
I LOVE the PACK over the PURP! “In too Deep”
This pick is certainly a stretch, but I have zero confidence in the Vikes offence, and as long as the receivers can’t catch a damn ball, all the pack have to do is stop the run and not turn the ball over (a stretch with Favre I know). Still, I’m picking the pack in protest. To my beloved Vikes: “You know I love you but I just-can’t-take-this…”
I LOVE the Jag-ooo-ahs over the Cowskulls! “Follow You, Follow Me”
I’m not sold on either team right now. 9 weeks ago I figured Jax to make big waves this year, but they’ve come back down and the Texans, resembling a pile of crap, are always a good O Line block from the long ball. I think this game will be high scoring and back and forth, thus “follow you follow me”.
I LOVE the Chefs over the Phins! “ Hold on my Heart”
This song still dominates lite FM, and would be perfect for the 2006 Dolphins video soundtrack. Sure, they beat up on the cocky Bears last week, but inside, the hurt is deep and real. I have to believe there’s some real emotion underneith the surface. Right now, Joey Harrington pines for victory while singing to himself “If I can recall this feeling, I know there’s a chance, I WILL BE THERE!!!”
I LOVE the Pats over the J.E.T.S.!
I’m sticking in a Phil Collins solo track here: “Billy Don’t You Loose That Number”. Bill Belechic, don’t forget that number 12 has single handedly led your teem like a zen master. By the way, has there ever been a dumber song title? The lyrics are basically a conversation about nothing between 2 dudes. I should write a song called, “No Thank You and Please Take Me Off Your Calling List” or “I’ll Get Up And Change Ben’s Poopy Diaper at 3am”.
I LOVE the Bagles over the Bolts! “Misunderstanding”
Wow- here’s another stretch… What happened to the Bangles? Weren’t they supposed to be good? Weren’t they supposed to continue upward? Don’t they basically have the same team but with a lot more distractions? “There must be, there must be, Oh-whoa-ooo-whoa, a mis-und-erstanding….” As for the bolts, in recent weeks they haven’t looked so good on cross country road trips-
I LOVE the Motorcitykittys over the Crusty Gold Prospectors! “Land of Confusion”
Forget that this is the dullest match of the week…. These teams, dispite spots of success, are both totally confused and lost. In fact, you could say of these teams “there’s too many men, too many people, making too many problems, and not much love to go round.” Perhaps Phil Collins is right. Maybe they just need to spread more love. Great song.
I LOVE the Baco’s over the Ray-duhs! “Invisible Touch”
This song is a shout out to the Raiders Defence and thier Offensive line, who basically have been invisibly touching opposing teams all season. They can’t stop anyone. Listen to this assessment: “She don’t like loosing, but her it’s just a game… And she will mess up your life, you’re never quite the same.” Who is the “She” in that sentence? Because he’s the only one aside from Bill Parcells with breasts, my bet is Art Shell.
I LOVE the Uglies over the Skins! “I Can’t Dance”
For as up and down as these teams are, is there anyone anywhere that actually believes they can go places in the playoffs? Of course not… These are 2 mediocre teams who think they rule. Trust me, they can’t dance…..
I LOVE the Brokebacks over the Old Catholic Leaders! “No Son of Mine”
If there’s any team that fits the mold of a poor neglected son who was thrown under the bus and kicked out of the house by his dad, it’s Arizona. They really suck, and it has everything to do with coaching. How could they fire Denny mid season when every single assistant coach down to the trainers are his peeps? It seems for this season that the country points and laughs, and feels a little better to not be the cards. My brother is the lone exception.
I LOVE the Gay Taconite Ore Processors over the Aints! “Throwing it All Away”
One of the greatest songs ever, and totally fitting. How has Pittsburgh turned so sour? These last few weeks its been all Big Ben and the obvious effects of his concussion. I don’t think they can loose this week again, especially at home. They “watch the world go round and round, and see theirs turning upside down”.
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the EWES! “ABACAB”
Lars is right- This division sucks. I couldn’t care less about this game, even though these teams have a rivalry. I have no idea what to expect and don’t really care. Who has any clue what Abacab means? Listen to the lyrics: “Abacab! Is it anywhere? Abacab! I don’t really care… Abacab!” What the Hell?
I LOVE da Bers to bounce back over the Gents! “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight”
Wow, what a great matchup- This will be a real test for the Bears… If any team is “Comin’ down, Comin’ down like a monkey” it’s the Bears, and don’t you know its alright. They’re gonna make it right and punish the Giants like they’re the lowly dolphins. To Rex Grossman: “You keep telling me you’ve got everything, you‘ve got everything I want… and you keep telling me youre gonna help me, you’re gonna help me, but you don’t.” He better make a big comeback and not look like a 3rd stringer again this week.
I'm saying right now that "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" should replace "Are you ready for some football?" as the official MNF song- just think about all the team lyrics you could write into that one...
I LOVE the Pants over the Tampons! "Congo"
There was a brief year or 2 in there ater Phil Collins left the band where Genesis found a totally random new singer who sounded nothing like him. They tried to release a single called Congo and it remains one of the worst songs of all time. I actually feel embarassed for the band listening to it. This game is a really sucky MNF game. will have nothing to do with it.
Dell out.
Legend 10- signing in
I love the Patsies over the Green Machine!!! Love the Pats in a rebound game. Classic Pats, they'll run off 5 or 6 wins and storm into the p-offs. I'm over the Colts loss. Can you tell? Pats by 10!!
I love the Eagles over the Skins!!! Reggie Brown just got an extension for five years over ten million dollars. That's like an NBA contract to a washed up former allstar (ala Vin Baker or Penny Hardaway), or a highschool bust (ala Kwame Brown or Tyson Chandler). Eagles by 3!!!
I love the Falcors over the Browns!!! Brown is a very chic color these days. I'm surprised that some lispy, makeup adorner, wearing a designer torn jean jacket isn't redesigning Paul Brown stadium. Falcors by 17!!!
I love the Dolphs over the Chiefs!!! Can't explain why I have trouble buying into the Chiefs, but the Dolphins seem like a team that could play above 500 the rest of the way. I mean ESPN tells me that Saban is a genius! Dolphs by 6!!
I love the Vikes at home!!! It's scary to think that the Vikes are only a game better than the Pack, but after last weeks unwatchable game I shouldn't complain. How the hell is Troy Williamson a first round pick right now? If the Vikes wanted to draft a speedy receiver who can't catch passes they could've drafted Todd Holmberg for way cheaper. Vikes by 10!
I love the Lions to win two in a row! The 9ers are the type of team that never looks the same from week to week. They're sort of like Teen Wolf but less predictable and w/out sweet editing. Lions by 7!
I love the Colts to keep the dream alive!!! Anybody read Simmon's article on why he hates the Colts? Yeah, ditto. Loved the article. Loved the truth-telling therein. And yes, if not before, the streak will end in week 14 @ JAX. For today, Colts by 17!!!
I love the Ravens in Titsville! I'd love to pick the upset but can't do it. Does anybody think that Vince Youngs pudgy cheeks somewhat resemble Fats Domino? Raves by 7!!
I love the Jags over the Tex!! Revenge for a road loss shall be the Jaxs. If I could pick any NFLers legs to tear off and club another person with, I'd choose Maurice Jones-Drew. When I watch him run I gethungry for lamb. JAX by 15!!
I love the Bolts in Cinci!!! I'll probably get burned here, but I think Rivers should pull this one out. Drew who? Bolts by 6!
I love the Bacos in Poison Oak!! In honor of Randy’s Monday night gabbing on the sidelines, I added Hans’ photoshop with modern “artist” Matthew Barney growing out of his head. I love when he puts his pig makeup on. I thought about showing one of those videos in youth group this week. B’cos by 10!
I love Zona after the bye-week!!! Am I crazy for picking the Cards? Maybe. Would it be crazier to put any sort of faith in a Dallas based anything? Seriously, if I lived down there I think I’d be ready to punch anyone at a seconds notice. That southern swagger offsets me. Yeah, I picked the Boys to win the division, but I didn’t know that sir-boobs-a lot would have to deal with diamonds-on-the-soles-of-her-shoes and I-always-get-pulled-for low-round-draft-picks. What a mess. Cards by 7!
I love the S’hawks over the Rams!!! Weakest division! Weakest division! Don’t watch this game, it will have no bearing on who plays after the wild card week. S’hawks by 10!!!
I love the Steelers over the Saints!!! The Steelers have looked awesome this year, and the Saints stink as usual. That’s why I’m quite logically picking this game. Ketchup by 3!!
I love the Bears in a rebound game!! Hope I’m wrong here, but I think the Bears will bounce back. But Bears fans, hang on to those ticket to Miami. The Pats and G-men should be a pretty good game. Bears by 6!!
I love the Pants over the Bucs!!! With Julius Peppers on my mind, I wanted to congratulate Poppy Sundquist on her wedding. She is now Poppy Pepper, one of the greatest names ever. I thought I would share my top five memories of Luke and/or Poppy Pepper: 5) Standing at the top of the stairs in the Sundquist residence talking to Poppy. Bob Sundquist was sleeping next door with his shirt off and Poppy was whispering to me about how mad Bob would be if he knew what kind of music she listened to. I asked what her favorite band was and she replied, “Third eye Blind.” 4) When Luke almost ran me over twice in the Sundquist driveway. I’m not kidding. He pulled into the driveway (mind you he should never be driving) as I was walking from my car to the house. I had to slap the hood of his car to make him aware of my presence in broad daylight. He got startled, looked at me and laughed and signaled me across. Then he started driving again and actually bumped me. I’ve been scared of cutlass supremes ever since. 3) Having Poppy violently argue that Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore was played by Ben Stiller. She said with tears coming to her eyes, “Like I don’t know Ben Stiller. He’s my favorite actor ever.” Classic. 2) I have a distinct memory of Jessie (the 120 pound black bear of a dog) aggressively sniffing Luke’s crotch as he ate a steak that Bob had grilled. Luke simply sat there and took it. This one during one of the many times when Jesse was in heat and kept a collection of stuffed animals at the bottom of the stairs pretending that they were her babies. 1) The first time I ever saw Poppy was on a sleep over freshman year of high school. Dave and I had fallen asleep to a movie and at three in the morning a mysterious figure emerged from the kitchen. I had never seen Poppy, nor did I know that Dave had an Asian sister with physical/mental disabilities, so I was confounded. I watched Poppy enter our living room unaware of our presence. She started walking towards me and walked straight into the coffee table shin first. She made a chicken like noise (if you know Poppy, you know the noise). Then she turned around and left at which point Dave said, “Oh yeah, that’s my sister Poppy.” Anyways, congrats Poppy, you know I love you.
Ciao
I love the Eagles over the Skins!!! Reggie Brown just got an extension for five years over ten million dollars. That's like an NBA contract to a washed up former allstar (ala Vin Baker or Penny Hardaway), or a highschool bust (ala Kwame Brown or Tyson Chandler). Eagles by 3!!!
I love the Falcors over the Browns!!! Brown is a very chic color these days. I'm surprised that some lispy, makeup adorner, wearing a designer torn jean jacket isn't redesigning Paul Brown stadium. Falcors by 17!!!
I love the Dolphs over the Chiefs!!! Can't explain why I have trouble buying into the Chiefs, but the Dolphins seem like a team that could play above 500 the rest of the way. I mean ESPN tells me that Saban is a genius! Dolphs by 6!!
I love the Vikes at home!!! It's scary to think that the Vikes are only a game better than the Pack, but after last weeks unwatchable game I shouldn't complain. How the hell is Troy Williamson a first round pick right now? If the Vikes wanted to draft a speedy receiver who can't catch passes they could've drafted Todd Holmberg for way cheaper. Vikes by 10!
I love the Lions to win two in a row! The 9ers are the type of team that never looks the same from week to week. They're sort of like Teen Wolf but less predictable and w/out sweet editing. Lions by 7!
I love the Colts to keep the dream alive!!! Anybody read Simmon's article on why he hates the Colts? Yeah, ditto. Loved the article. Loved the truth-telling therein. And yes, if not before, the streak will end in week 14 @ JAX. For today, Colts by 17!!!
I love the Ravens in Titsville! I'd love to pick the upset but can't do it. Does anybody think that Vince Youngs pudgy cheeks somewhat resemble Fats Domino? Raves by 7!!
I love the Jags over the Tex!! Revenge for a road loss shall be the Jaxs. If I could pick any NFLers legs to tear off and club another person with, I'd choose Maurice Jones-Drew. When I watch him run I gethungry for lamb. JAX by 15!!
I love the Bolts in Cinci!!! I'll probably get burned here, but I think Rivers should pull this one out. Drew who? Bolts by 6!
I love the Bacos in Poison Oak!! In honor of Randy’s Monday night gabbing on the sidelines, I added Hans’ photoshop with modern “artist” Matthew Barney growing out of his head. I love when he puts his pig makeup on. I thought about showing one of those videos in youth group this week. B’cos by 10!
I love Zona after the bye-week!!! Am I crazy for picking the Cards? Maybe. Would it be crazier to put any sort of faith in a Dallas based anything? Seriously, if I lived down there I think I’d be ready to punch anyone at a seconds notice. That southern swagger offsets me. Yeah, I picked the Boys to win the division, but I didn’t know that sir-boobs-a lot would have to deal with diamonds-on-the-soles-of-her-shoes and I-always-get-pulled-for low-round-draft-picks. What a mess. Cards by 7!
I love the S’hawks over the Rams!!! Weakest division! Weakest division! Don’t watch this game, it will have no bearing on who plays after the wild card week. S’hawks by 10!!!
I love the Steelers over the Saints!!! The Steelers have looked awesome this year, and the Saints stink as usual. That’s why I’m quite logically picking this game. Ketchup by 3!!
I love the Bears in a rebound game!! Hope I’m wrong here, but I think the Bears will bounce back. But Bears fans, hang on to those ticket to Miami. The Pats and G-men should be a pretty good game. Bears by 6!!
I love the Pants over the Bucs!!! With Julius Peppers on my mind, I wanted to congratulate Poppy Sundquist on her wedding. She is now Poppy Pepper, one of the greatest names ever. I thought I would share my top five memories of Luke and/or Poppy Pepper: 5) Standing at the top of the stairs in the Sundquist residence talking to Poppy. Bob Sundquist was sleeping next door with his shirt off and Poppy was whispering to me about how mad Bob would be if he knew what kind of music she listened to. I asked what her favorite band was and she replied, “Third eye Blind.” 4) When Luke almost ran me over twice in the Sundquist driveway. I’m not kidding. He pulled into the driveway (mind you he should never be driving) as I was walking from my car to the house. I had to slap the hood of his car to make him aware of my presence in broad daylight. He got startled, looked at me and laughed and signaled me across. Then he started driving again and actually bumped me. I’ve been scared of cutlass supremes ever since. 3) Having Poppy violently argue that Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore was played by Ben Stiller. She said with tears coming to her eyes, “Like I don’t know Ben Stiller. He’s my favorite actor ever.” Classic. 2) I have a distinct memory of Jessie (the 120 pound black bear of a dog) aggressively sniffing Luke’s crotch as he ate a steak that Bob had grilled. Luke simply sat there and took it. This one during one of the many times when Jesse was in heat and kept a collection of stuffed animals at the bottom of the stairs pretending that they were her babies. 1) The first time I ever saw Poppy was on a sleep over freshman year of high school. Dave and I had fallen asleep to a movie and at three in the morning a mysterious figure emerged from the kitchen. I had never seen Poppy, nor did I know that Dave had an Asian sister with physical/mental disabilities, so I was confounded. I watched Poppy enter our living room unaware of our presence. She started walking towards me and walked straight into the coffee table shin first. She made a chicken like noise (if you know Poppy, you know the noise). Then she turned around and left at which point Dave said, “Oh yeah, that’s my sister Poppy.” Anyways, congrats Poppy, you know I love you.
Ciao
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Quick Picks
I LOVE...
Falcors over Detroit
Ravens over Bungles
Skins over Boys
Bills over Pack
G-men over Texans
Rams over Chiefs
Bears over Culpeppers
Bucs over Aints
Jags over Tits
Vikes over Niners
Chargers over Browns
Steelers over Bcos
Pats over Dungys
Wallaces over Walters
Williams' knee over Tim's Penis
Falcors over Detroit
Ravens over Bungles
Skins over Boys
Bills over Pack
G-men over Texans
Rams over Chiefs
Bears over Culpeppers
Bucs over Aints
Jags over Tits
Vikes over Niners
Chargers over Browns
Steelers over Bcos
Pats over Dungys
Wallaces over Walters
Williams' knee over Tim's Penis
hurry up offense
....it's the final countdown-down-own-wn-n......
Twolves 2 and 0. i'm lovin it.
Vikes make-up with fans week. yeah!!
Winter nippin at my nips.
hooray for one and all.
I love......
Tlanta
Bunglies
Cowpies
Packles
Ginants
Cheefves
Bers
St.s
Jackts
Vikeries
chargicles
broncticles
colths
seeatts
p.s. for all who will be in chicago this weekend, i have some work in a show at the fifty50 gallery on lake street. including a large painting of three fighting ponies, and a video with bette Midler's "from a distance" as the soundtrack. Sat the 11th 6ish to 9ish. rootbeer will be served up warm.
Twolves 2 and 0. i'm lovin it.
Vikes make-up with fans week. yeah!!
Winter nippin at my nips.
hooray for one and all.
I love......
Tlanta
Bunglies
Cowpies
Packles
Ginants
Cheefves
Bers
St.s
Jackts
Vikeries
chargicles
broncticles
colths
seeatts
p.s. for all who will be in chicago this weekend, i have some work in a show at the fifty50 gallery on lake street. including a large painting of three fighting ponies, and a video with bette Midler's "from a distance" as the soundtrack. Sat the 11th 6ish to 9ish. rootbeer will be served up warm.
Still going for the win
I'll take a win by forfeit.
KC over StL
Chi over Mia
NO over TB
Tenn over Jax
Atl over Det
Balt over Cin
Dal over Wash
GB over Buf
Hou over NYG
SF over Min
SD over Clev
Den over Pit
Ind over NE
Sea over Oak
KC over StL
Chi over Mia
NO over TB
Tenn over Jax
Atl over Det
Balt over Cin
Dal over Wash
GB over Buf
Hou over NYG
SF over Min
SD over Clev
Den over Pit
Ind over NE
Sea over Oak
Saturday, November 04, 2006
I seem to have picked it up the last two weeks. Since I'm a superstitious person like all the rest of proffesional athletes (I'm not, but it feels good to belong to something), I'm going to go another week without making a long rant. They're so passe anyway.
Packers
Bears
Falcors
Rams
Giants
Saints
Skins
Jags
Ravens
Vikings
Bacos
Chargers
Pats
Raiders
Packers
Bears
Falcors
Rams
Giants
Saints
Skins
Jags
Ravens
Vikings
Bacos
Chargers
Pats
Raiders
Friday, November 03, 2006
Dell week Niner- NBA edition
It’s time ya’ll- break out your doorags, bicep arm bands, reebok pumps and those baggy shorts that almost qualify as pants….show off all the tats (especially the Chinese characters on your neck) and push that wristband up to mid-forearm. Crank the Dr. Dre and make sure your entourage is ready to paint the town after the game…. Yes, the NBA tips off this week. Hang on to your grills…
I LOVE the Falcors over the MotorCityKittys
Remember those jerseys that the hawks wore for half a season circa 1998 or so? They had a big hawk with out-stretched wings that wrapped all the way around the back of the jersey- The result looked sort of like a big cartoon bird giving a bear hug to these thugs. I’ve never seen anyone look more stupid and humiliated in a uniform-
I LOVE the Raaveens over the Bagles.
Now here’s a matchup worthy of NBA comparison. No other sport has so many thugs and unforgettable characters than the NBA, accept maybe the Ravens and the Bangles in the NFL this year. Think about it. Who else but Eddie Griffin could get busted for crashing his car, piss drunk, into another parked car at 3am because he was masturbating and watching porn on the DVD while driving? Who else but Carmelo Anthony could get caught multiple times with marijuana (that wasn’t his) at airport security? I could go on. And on.
I LOVE the Cowboys over the Skins
I remember the good old days in Dallas before Dirk Novitski, Mark Cuban and the flashy new logo with the horse on it. To me, the Mavs will always be the team that won only 6 games for a few years in row under Don Nelson with Jason Kid and his flattop, Renaldo Blackman and 8’9” center Sean Bradley, who basically did nothing but struggle to move his legs in coordinated fashion. On an unrelated note, the Redskins are basically the Knicks of the NFL with this philosophy- “Throw tons of money at crappy over-hyped players and sooner or later there has to be a championship”. Isn’t it sad these people run a business? Isiah Thomas will last this year and then get a job at Chic-Fillet.
I LOVE Barfallo over the Puckers
Some of you may not know this, but the great city of Buffalo New York used to have the Buffalo Braves, which subsequently moved to Atlanta where they started playing baseball and thus became the Atlanta Braves. It was an awkward transition. You’d never see anything like that today- those were the days.
I LOVE the Gents over the Cowskulls
Poor Texans. In 1984 the Blazers selected Sam Bowie #1 over Michael Jordan. We all know how that panned out. Lets just say the Texans passing on Reggie Bush is every bit as incredible and infamous. Mario Williams (or as Nat. Tres. Calls him “Bitch” Williams) has a lot of catching up to do in the realm of game turning TD’s, clutch catches, and kick returns.
I LOVE the EWES over the CHEFS!
Wowee- This should be a great game- Both of these teams have failed to convince me, but both could and should be lower level playoff teams barring a drop off- Give Damon Huard credit… Remember when Kenny Walker won the dunk contest in 1991 with that crazy windmill power jam? That has nothing to do with this game.
I LOVE da Bers over the Fins!
Bears fans, please don’t get too jazzed up on your team this week as they absolutely crush the Dolphins…. Does this game really even need to be played? I’m sure the Dolphins wouldn’t mind. The Bears just have that mean-streak don’t mess with me or I’ll bash your face in demeanor about them, kind of like KG after he hits a clutch shot (or any shot for that matter) and the TV camera follows him down the floor screaming “Mother F%@*er!!!!!”
I LOVE the TAMPONS over the AINTS!
The last weeks the Bucs have looked a lot like the Golden State Warriors in mid-season. They basically havn’t looked conistant or impressive at all, then they pull off a huge come from behind win and celebrate like they won the superbowl. Nobody is convinced.
Here’s to hopin they can continue the good vibes.
I LOVE the Jag-uwahs over the Teets!
Boy has Byron Leftwich tanked or what? Sort of like Grant Hill every single season when he touts his comeback and then has a season ending injury. I also see that he’s back with the Magic now- just like the good old days with skinny Shaq and Anfernee Hardaway when he was good.
I LOVE the Purp over the Crusty Old Prospectors!
Here’s to hoping that Mondays thrashin was just a brilliant stroke of Genious by Bill Belechic. Remember when Phil Jackson stuck Scotty Pippen on Magic during game 2 of the ‘91 finals and Magic basically didn’t score again? Nothing beats a great D and great coaching.
I LOVE the Bolts over the Poopstains!
Till recently Ladanian Tomlinson has been the Allen Iverson of the NFL, a ridiculously talented and unstoppable player on a team that was otherwise putrid. Fortunatly for LT things have turned around for the best. As for AI, we’ll see how much more he can take in the filthy latrine that is Philly.
I LOVE tha Bacos over the Gay Taconite Ore Prosessors!
Has there ever been a reigning world champion so bad as the Steelers about now? Maybe the Bulls after the whole team jumped ship with ring #6.
I LOVE the Pats over the Cults!
OK, I’m convinced. The Patriots are the Jordan to Payton Manning’s Craig Ehlo.
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the Ray-duhs!
What a terrible matchup on Monday night. I’d rather eat a bowl of speghettio’s, puke them up, and spend those 3 hours counting to see how many O’s survived in tact. Randy Moss is Chris Webber, 2 past-their prime stars who can’t run anymore being over paid to be shadows of their former selves- Seneca Wallace is Marty Conlan, the great Albino robot small-forward for the Celtics who was easily the most entertainingly awful player I’ve ever seen.
A-IGHT. Peace out homey.
I LOVE the Falcors over the MotorCityKittys
Remember those jerseys that the hawks wore for half a season circa 1998 or so? They had a big hawk with out-stretched wings that wrapped all the way around the back of the jersey- The result looked sort of like a big cartoon bird giving a bear hug to these thugs. I’ve never seen anyone look more stupid and humiliated in a uniform-
I LOVE the Raaveens over the Bagles.
Now here’s a matchup worthy of NBA comparison. No other sport has so many thugs and unforgettable characters than the NBA, accept maybe the Ravens and the Bangles in the NFL this year. Think about it. Who else but Eddie Griffin could get busted for crashing his car, piss drunk, into another parked car at 3am because he was masturbating and watching porn on the DVD while driving? Who else but Carmelo Anthony could get caught multiple times with marijuana (that wasn’t his) at airport security? I could go on. And on.
I LOVE the Cowboys over the Skins
I remember the good old days in Dallas before Dirk Novitski, Mark Cuban and the flashy new logo with the horse on it. To me, the Mavs will always be the team that won only 6 games for a few years in row under Don Nelson with Jason Kid and his flattop, Renaldo Blackman and 8’9” center Sean Bradley, who basically did nothing but struggle to move his legs in coordinated fashion. On an unrelated note, the Redskins are basically the Knicks of the NFL with this philosophy- “Throw tons of money at crappy over-hyped players and sooner or later there has to be a championship”. Isn’t it sad these people run a business? Isiah Thomas will last this year and then get a job at Chic-Fillet.
I LOVE Barfallo over the Puckers
Some of you may not know this, but the great city of Buffalo New York used to have the Buffalo Braves, which subsequently moved to Atlanta where they started playing baseball and thus became the Atlanta Braves. It was an awkward transition. You’d never see anything like that today- those were the days.
I LOVE the Gents over the Cowskulls
Poor Texans. In 1984 the Blazers selected Sam Bowie #1 over Michael Jordan. We all know how that panned out. Lets just say the Texans passing on Reggie Bush is every bit as incredible and infamous. Mario Williams (or as Nat. Tres. Calls him “Bitch” Williams) has a lot of catching up to do in the realm of game turning TD’s, clutch catches, and kick returns.
I LOVE the EWES over the CHEFS!
Wowee- This should be a great game- Both of these teams have failed to convince me, but both could and should be lower level playoff teams barring a drop off- Give Damon Huard credit… Remember when Kenny Walker won the dunk contest in 1991 with that crazy windmill power jam? That has nothing to do with this game.
I LOVE da Bers over the Fins!
Bears fans, please don’t get too jazzed up on your team this week as they absolutely crush the Dolphins…. Does this game really even need to be played? I’m sure the Dolphins wouldn’t mind. The Bears just have that mean-streak don’t mess with me or I’ll bash your face in demeanor about them, kind of like KG after he hits a clutch shot (or any shot for that matter) and the TV camera follows him down the floor screaming “Mother F%@*er!!!!!”
I LOVE the TAMPONS over the AINTS!
The last weeks the Bucs have looked a lot like the Golden State Warriors in mid-season. They basically havn’t looked conistant or impressive at all, then they pull off a huge come from behind win and celebrate like they won the superbowl. Nobody is convinced.
Here’s to hopin they can continue the good vibes.
I LOVE the Jag-uwahs over the Teets!
Boy has Byron Leftwich tanked or what? Sort of like Grant Hill every single season when he touts his comeback and then has a season ending injury. I also see that he’s back with the Magic now- just like the good old days with skinny Shaq and Anfernee Hardaway when he was good.
I LOVE the Purp over the Crusty Old Prospectors!
Here’s to hoping that Mondays thrashin was just a brilliant stroke of Genious by Bill Belechic. Remember when Phil Jackson stuck Scotty Pippen on Magic during game 2 of the ‘91 finals and Magic basically didn’t score again? Nothing beats a great D and great coaching.
I LOVE the Bolts over the Poopstains!
Till recently Ladanian Tomlinson has been the Allen Iverson of the NFL, a ridiculously talented and unstoppable player on a team that was otherwise putrid. Fortunatly for LT things have turned around for the best. As for AI, we’ll see how much more he can take in the filthy latrine that is Philly.
I LOVE tha Bacos over the Gay Taconite Ore Prosessors!
Has there ever been a reigning world champion so bad as the Steelers about now? Maybe the Bulls after the whole team jumped ship with ring #6.
I LOVE the Pats over the Cults!
OK, I’m convinced. The Patriots are the Jordan to Payton Manning’s Craig Ehlo.
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the Ray-duhs!
What a terrible matchup on Monday night. I’d rather eat a bowl of speghettio’s, puke them up, and spend those 3 hours counting to see how many O’s survived in tact. Randy Moss is Chris Webber, 2 past-their prime stars who can’t run anymore being over paid to be shadows of their former selves- Seneca Wallace is Marty Conlan, the great Albino robot small-forward for the Celtics who was easily the most entertainingly awful player I’ve ever seen.
A-IGHT. Peace out homey.
week 9- Legend signing in
I love the Rams in the battle for Missouri!!! Sweet, first pick and there are no NBA teams in Missouri. I love how this is going. On the other hand, there are a few in-state rivalries that mean something in the NBA. Mavs-Spurs, Lakers/Clips, no forget it, the NBA doesn’t have rivalries. I hate the way this is going. Rams by Trent Green still talking to his garbage disposal!!!
I love the G-men over the Texans!!! Two interesting stories in this NBA season: 1) How long until Isaiah Thomas get fired and sued for 268 millions dollars for all the bad contracts he took on. It’s great to know that when my grandchildren are watching the NBA, the Knicks will still be paying 15 million dollars a year to Jerome “Junk Yard Dog” Williams, Jared “I can’t believe I’m still riding a lucky final four berth” Jeffries, and Stephon “Holy s*%*#*%, I could be playing with Garnett right now” Marbury. 2) Will Jeff Van Gundy look more like a chemotherapy patient each game that McGrady misses games due to a sore tummy, light headache, or morning sickness? Seriously, I’ve said it for years, no guy gets paid more money to disappear when needed. I think while most coaches heads would explode, Van Gundy’s actually shrinks under pressure. G-men by 14!!!
I love the Jags over the Ta-tas!!! I just read the Memphis Grizzles lineup on opening night, yes those Grizzlies that lost in triple overtime to the Knicks. You talk about NCAA scrubs (Dahntay Jones, Brain Cardinal, Lawrence Roberts), strange white men (Mike Miller, Jake Tsakalidis), and guys who were washed up ten years ago (Eddie Jones, Stoudimire). Look at that roster and tell me that’s a playoff team. On the bright side, Gasol looks like a uni-bomber. Jags by 6!!!
I love the Tampons over the Pietists!!! I just figured out, after what, 6 years, who Tyson Chandler reminds me of. Now, I like him of defense – good shot blocker, good rebounder, but on offense he is basically a darker skinned Rob Anderson. When Rob played in highschool, he missed the jersey hand out day Sophomore year and was given number 19 (a classic hack number) and shorts from 1988. You could almost see his leg pubes when he was running and trying to pull his shorts down to hide his thunder. It was hilarious. That’s pretty much Tyson. I love the tampons at home by 7!!!
I love the Skins over the Boys!!! Wizards jerseys are my fourth least favorite logo/jersey combo (behind NO, PHX, NJ). As Timmb once put it, the Wizards blue jersey is the kind of jersey you expect to see on a female keyboard player in a Contemporary Christian rock band. She would also be wearing a Dr. Suess Mad hatter hat. As far as Dallas goes, can we officially mock Hubie Brown. He doesn’t get mocked real often b/c he’s usually right, but I remember him saying numerous times that Dirk plays a lot like Larry Bird. Put it to rest, there will never be another Larry. God bless the true Legend. Skins in the upset!!
I love the Bears over Miamah!!! Pretty much should look like Bulls/Heat game on Tuesday. Three questions for the Bulls (who I am excitedly cheering for this year): 1) can you really win without a set rotation? I love Skiles going twelve deep on a nightly basis, I think it’s genius. The only problem is that the last champ to go 12 deep was the Pistons in 89. From 1-8, there is no way that the Bulls are as good as that team. 2) If Wallace and Brown can only give you a combined 10 points a game in the front court, can the bulls win a game if they shoot under 40% from the field? Are you listening Ben Gordon? And 3) What the hell happened to Rusty Larue? Loved that guy. Bears by 7!!!
I love the Bills over the Pack!!! I was thinking about the Villenueva/T.J. Ford trade in the off season. Has there ever been a trade with such high-picks that received so little hype and accomplished so little for either team? It’s the strangest trade to figure out. Won’t put extra wins on the board for either team, doesn’t seem to address gaping holes. It’s just weird. Has anybody noticed that you put dreadlocks on Charlie Villenueva and he is whoppi Goldberg. I’m not kidding. Bills by 3!!!!
I love the Bengs over the Ravens!!! I’ll take the Orange over the Purple. Speaking of orange and purple, is it just me, or is Steve Nash the Dan Marino/Peyton Manning of the NBA? Great player, MVP, makes everyone better, gets to the big games and his team looks like Mophats in a Grandmahs intramural b-ball game with his hands on his knees at half-court saying “No I’m good, I don’t need a sub”? I know the Suns are a trendy pick, but I’ll go with the Mavs in the west. Bengs by 10!!1
I love the Lions over the Falcors!!! Why can’t the Hawks be more like the Falcons? We know for a fact that the Hawks are a horrible team. When they say that they should blow up that franchise, I think that they actually want someone to literally blow that team up. Seriously, for my part, I’d stick the Falcors in there with them. Just put all of Atlanta sports team in the Georgia dome (but leave out Ilya Kovalchuk, guy’s a beast and the Wild could use him) and blow it up. Lions by reverse psychology!!!
I love the Purp in a rebound game!!! Wow, tons to cheer for in MN basketball this year huh? Garnett will be gone by February, our multi-million point guard might as well cherry pick all game with his defense, and the Gophers will be lucky to make the NIT. At least Minnesotans can go to the Barn for a basketball experience unlike any other. I miss Ernest Nzigamazabo. Purp by 11!!!
I love the B’cos in Steel town!!! Yeah, the Nuggets should be fun to watch. Nobody on the team can shoot, Kenyon Martin dunks and loses his mouth guard every 5 seconds, their power forward is a nut grabber, and they’ve got 5 below average front court brutes who can’t stay healthy. We can only hope that George Karl wears a retro Nuggets jersey over an XXXL white turtle neck again. I loved that look. Bcos by 10!!!
I love the Bolts over the Poop!!! If I have to watch the “Lebrons” commercial one more time I’m going to scratch my cornea with a Tortilla chip. That commercial series is now number 5 in the top five “shoot me in the head” sports commercial series of all time: 4) the Dennis Hopper NFL ones where he likened Hardy Nickerson to a locomotive, man those were horrible, 3) Yao Ming’s “Cenn Ah whiite ah tek”/ Yo-Yao-Yogi Visa commericials. Just kill me now. 2) The current “4 days till Monday” ESPN commericials. My gosh, I didn’t know they were going to do this campaign all year. I guess ESPN is better at self-promotion than anyone. And 1) Gatorade commercial where Peyton Manning is born out of a football. It’s cool when it’s Garnett but I keep expecting Peyton to be born and say, “D-Caf, D-Caf”. Three days till Monday. Bolts by 10!!!
You know I love the Pats over the Colts!!! 5 questions for the Celtics: 1) can Bassy Telfair leave his pot, firearms, and cockfights at home long enough to run and offense? 50 bucks that Rajon Rondo will be starting in 2 months. Mark my words. Which leads me to 2) How long can Ainge keep his job after everyone realizes that he essentially traded the rights to Brandon Roy or Randy Foye for Bassy? 3) How long will Doc Rivers keep his job when people realize that he’s playing Ryan Gomes (a 6-6 wing player) at power forward? 4) How long until Kevin Pittsnogle gets angry and rips off his face to reveal that his is an alien? 5) What can the Celts get for a certain Mr. Pierce in February? That’s right, I’m ready to turn the page here and make a run at a few high draft picks. I love you Paul. Pats by 9!!!
I love the Shawks over the Ray-dars!!! I think the Sonics could get back into the play-offs this year. I love Ridnour and Allen. I also love the front court of Lewis and Wilcox (what a steal Wilcox was, my gosh). They could sneak up on some of the week Western squads. I expect the Warriors however to look like the Raiders and rely too heavily on Chris Mullins perfect flattop. Hawks by 14!!!
Predictions:
MVP: Lebron
Most Improved: Leandro Barbosa
ROY: Morrison
Sixth Man: Nocioni
Champs: Cavs over Mavs in 6
I love the G-men over the Texans!!! Two interesting stories in this NBA season: 1) How long until Isaiah Thomas get fired and sued for 268 millions dollars for all the bad contracts he took on. It’s great to know that when my grandchildren are watching the NBA, the Knicks will still be paying 15 million dollars a year to Jerome “Junk Yard Dog” Williams, Jared “I can’t believe I’m still riding a lucky final four berth” Jeffries, and Stephon “Holy s*%*#*%, I could be playing with Garnett right now” Marbury. 2) Will Jeff Van Gundy look more like a chemotherapy patient each game that McGrady misses games due to a sore tummy, light headache, or morning sickness? Seriously, I’ve said it for years, no guy gets paid more money to disappear when needed. I think while most coaches heads would explode, Van Gundy’s actually shrinks under pressure. G-men by 14!!!
I love the Jags over the Ta-tas!!! I just read the Memphis Grizzles lineup on opening night, yes those Grizzlies that lost in triple overtime to the Knicks. You talk about NCAA scrubs (Dahntay Jones, Brain Cardinal, Lawrence Roberts), strange white men (Mike Miller, Jake Tsakalidis), and guys who were washed up ten years ago (Eddie Jones, Stoudimire). Look at that roster and tell me that’s a playoff team. On the bright side, Gasol looks like a uni-bomber. Jags by 6!!!
I love the Tampons over the Pietists!!! I just figured out, after what, 6 years, who Tyson Chandler reminds me of. Now, I like him of defense – good shot blocker, good rebounder, but on offense he is basically a darker skinned Rob Anderson. When Rob played in highschool, he missed the jersey hand out day Sophomore year and was given number 19 (a classic hack number) and shorts from 1988. You could almost see his leg pubes when he was running and trying to pull his shorts down to hide his thunder. It was hilarious. That’s pretty much Tyson. I love the tampons at home by 7!!!
I love the Skins over the Boys!!! Wizards jerseys are my fourth least favorite logo/jersey combo (behind NO, PHX, NJ). As Timmb once put it, the Wizards blue jersey is the kind of jersey you expect to see on a female keyboard player in a Contemporary Christian rock band. She would also be wearing a Dr. Suess Mad hatter hat. As far as Dallas goes, can we officially mock Hubie Brown. He doesn’t get mocked real often b/c he’s usually right, but I remember him saying numerous times that Dirk plays a lot like Larry Bird. Put it to rest, there will never be another Larry. God bless the true Legend. Skins in the upset!!
I love the Bears over Miamah!!! Pretty much should look like Bulls/Heat game on Tuesday. Three questions for the Bulls (who I am excitedly cheering for this year): 1) can you really win without a set rotation? I love Skiles going twelve deep on a nightly basis, I think it’s genius. The only problem is that the last champ to go 12 deep was the Pistons in 89. From 1-8, there is no way that the Bulls are as good as that team. 2) If Wallace and Brown can only give you a combined 10 points a game in the front court, can the bulls win a game if they shoot under 40% from the field? Are you listening Ben Gordon? And 3) What the hell happened to Rusty Larue? Loved that guy. Bears by 7!!!
I love the Bills over the Pack!!! I was thinking about the Villenueva/T.J. Ford trade in the off season. Has there ever been a trade with such high-picks that received so little hype and accomplished so little for either team? It’s the strangest trade to figure out. Won’t put extra wins on the board for either team, doesn’t seem to address gaping holes. It’s just weird. Has anybody noticed that you put dreadlocks on Charlie Villenueva and he is whoppi Goldberg. I’m not kidding. Bills by 3!!!!
I love the Bengs over the Ravens!!! I’ll take the Orange over the Purple. Speaking of orange and purple, is it just me, or is Steve Nash the Dan Marino/Peyton Manning of the NBA? Great player, MVP, makes everyone better, gets to the big games and his team looks like Mophats in a Grandmahs intramural b-ball game with his hands on his knees at half-court saying “No I’m good, I don’t need a sub”? I know the Suns are a trendy pick, but I’ll go with the Mavs in the west. Bengs by 10!!1
I love the Lions over the Falcors!!! Why can’t the Hawks be more like the Falcons? We know for a fact that the Hawks are a horrible team. When they say that they should blow up that franchise, I think that they actually want someone to literally blow that team up. Seriously, for my part, I’d stick the Falcors in there with them. Just put all of Atlanta sports team in the Georgia dome (but leave out Ilya Kovalchuk, guy’s a beast and the Wild could use him) and blow it up. Lions by reverse psychology!!!
I love the Purp in a rebound game!!! Wow, tons to cheer for in MN basketball this year huh? Garnett will be gone by February, our multi-million point guard might as well cherry pick all game with his defense, and the Gophers will be lucky to make the NIT. At least Minnesotans can go to the Barn for a basketball experience unlike any other. I miss Ernest Nzigamazabo. Purp by 11!!!
I love the B’cos in Steel town!!! Yeah, the Nuggets should be fun to watch. Nobody on the team can shoot, Kenyon Martin dunks and loses his mouth guard every 5 seconds, their power forward is a nut grabber, and they’ve got 5 below average front court brutes who can’t stay healthy. We can only hope that George Karl wears a retro Nuggets jersey over an XXXL white turtle neck again. I loved that look. Bcos by 10!!!
I love the Bolts over the Poop!!! If I have to watch the “Lebrons” commercial one more time I’m going to scratch my cornea with a Tortilla chip. That commercial series is now number 5 in the top five “shoot me in the head” sports commercial series of all time: 4) the Dennis Hopper NFL ones where he likened Hardy Nickerson to a locomotive, man those were horrible, 3) Yao Ming’s “Cenn Ah whiite ah tek”/ Yo-Yao-Yogi Visa commericials. Just kill me now. 2) The current “4 days till Monday” ESPN commericials. My gosh, I didn’t know they were going to do this campaign all year. I guess ESPN is better at self-promotion than anyone. And 1) Gatorade commercial where Peyton Manning is born out of a football. It’s cool when it’s Garnett but I keep expecting Peyton to be born and say, “D-Caf, D-Caf”. Three days till Monday. Bolts by 10!!!
You know I love the Pats over the Colts!!! 5 questions for the Celtics: 1) can Bassy Telfair leave his pot, firearms, and cockfights at home long enough to run and offense? 50 bucks that Rajon Rondo will be starting in 2 months. Mark my words. Which leads me to 2) How long can Ainge keep his job after everyone realizes that he essentially traded the rights to Brandon Roy or Randy Foye for Bassy? 3) How long will Doc Rivers keep his job when people realize that he’s playing Ryan Gomes (a 6-6 wing player) at power forward? 4) How long until Kevin Pittsnogle gets angry and rips off his face to reveal that his is an alien? 5) What can the Celts get for a certain Mr. Pierce in February? That’s right, I’m ready to turn the page here and make a run at a few high draft picks. I love you Paul. Pats by 9!!!
I love the Shawks over the Ray-dars!!! I think the Sonics could get back into the play-offs this year. I love Ridnour and Allen. I also love the front court of Lewis and Wilcox (what a steal Wilcox was, my gosh). They could sneak up on some of the week Western squads. I expect the Warriors however to look like the Raiders and rely too heavily on Chris Mullins perfect flattop. Hawks by 14!!!
Predictions:
MVP: Lebron
Most Improved: Leandro Barbosa
ROY: Morrison
Sixth Man: Nocioni
Champs: Cavs over Mavs in 6
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