Leg sniffs glue

Lars, don't even think about it. Yes, you're creative, and I appreciate that. Yes, you're passionate. But after two years of WDYL, we all know just where you'll end up in the standings. That's right, down with Berg and Hans.

But to the picks...

Steelers over Fins. Charlie Batch, blah blah blah. Let's talk about the Steelers D, Heinz Field, and Daunte Culpepper. I've got frickin' rehearsal tonight so I can't watch, but this one's not in doubt.

Carolinians over Falcons. Tougher to pick than it should be because of the Steve Smith factor. But Michael Vick keeps getting uglier and uglier. He looked somewhat normal, then he got that wispy looking goatee-thing, then he got cornrows, now he's using Michael Irvin's stylist.

Ravens over Bucs. Seriously, isn't Chris Simms nine years old? When Simms is walking home from school, Ray Lewis is going to open the door to his white van and offer him a lollipop and a ride. Simms will never be seen again.

Pats over Bills. I wish that the Bills still had the O.J. era uniforms. If not them, at least the Thurman Thomas-era ones. Both were supremely cool.

KC over Cincy. I'm telling you, don't overlook Arrowhead. And you're right Lars, these colors do not go together. I'm glad to see you eye for color has improved, unlike the time you tried to convince Paul and I that the white afghan over the coach at 297 Dayton was green. You know your mom only agreed with you out of pity.

Rams over B'cos. What Bill Simmons says goes.

Browns over Saints. The Saints away from home are like Lars without facial hair; a 6-foot-something 200-some pound 7 month-old complete with pacifier and enormous, poopy cloth diaper.

Titans over Jets. They're less bad, but only just.

S-hawks over Lions. How do you have (or had) three receivers who were top ten picks, and your most effective wideout is likely to be Corey Bradford?

Philly over Houston. Lars, what are you smoking? You called this a tough game to pick, which is in itself a dubious claim, and then proceeded to pick the Texans? WHAT????? Would these be the same Texans who will be starting Wali Lundy or Ron Dayne at RB?

Bears over Pack. The only way the Pack have a chance is if Lynn Dickey comes out of retirement, and that ain't happening. Yet another example of why Lars will be fighting for last place.

Jags over Dallas. Two words. LaBrandon Toefield. Great name, equally great player. From this point on, I will be known as LaBryan and will come to dominate the opera league.

Cards over Niners. Are the Cards for real? Who knows? I'd like to think so. One thing I do know; the Niners aren't.

Colts over Giants. Great matchup of Mannings. Colts win because they will sign often disrepected older brother DeAndre'na to return punts.

Skins over Vikes. I think that a Viking foreskin would be intimidating, and by that I refer both to Erik the Red and Bryant McKinnie the Large. (yes, i'm back)

Chargers over Raiders. Give me a T, give me a U, give me an I, give me an A, give me an S, give me an O, give me another S, give me...oh screw it. Tuiasosopo, is what I was spelling, Tuiasosopo. Just shut up.

Eat it.