Final Week, Finally

Bengals
Cowboys
Patriots
JAgs
Rams
Saints
Jets
Hawks
Texans
Bacos
Colts
Eagles
Chargers
Ravens
Bears

Down to the Wire: Week 17 picks

Once again- The last weeks kill me. Who still wants to bust themselves on the field when there is no incentive to win? Who wants to play too hard and get injured before the playoffs when a spot is already locked up? Anything can happen and it does, especially when coaches keep lineups a secret till the game. Dang, I hate this weeks picks. All I can do is play safe and get at least half right.

I Love the Aints over the Pants
The mighty pants are filled with chunky liquid diareah. Here's to next year Carolina.

I Love the Texans over the Browns
The Texans beat the Colts? Wha Happen???? The Poop faithful have to be saying, "here we go agian. Didn't we feel this way last year when the season ended, and the year before that? and the year before that? and come to think of it, since 1986?"

I Love the Brokebacks over the Kittys
The Cowboys could get it together and go far, or go Bears style and loose the first game, that is, unless they play the Bears. Does Brady Quinn look good in Baby Blue, or Black with blue and silver stripes?

I Love the Chefs over the Jags
Ooooooooo, oooo, o, o o....... Oooooooooooo, oooo, o, o, o- Thats the Atlanta Braves song dubbed for the Chefs in written form.

I Love the Titans over the Pats
Only 3 words to describe Vince Young and his remarkable plaay the last 8 weeks: Holy F*%#ing S*#t.

I Love the J.E.T.S. over the Rayduhs
17 weeks ago we all thought the Jets were with the Pack at the worst in the NFL. What a difference a rotator cuff can make.

I Love the Bagles over the Gay Taconite Processors
Is this the last game for Bill Cowher? I think everyone figured this last game would be a great rematch for last years playoff game.... instead, it a sad reminder of how crappy the Steelers have been all season for no reason whatsoever.

I Love the Tampons over the SHAWKS!
Just a hunch here.... A cross country roadtrip for a game that means nothing..... I like the home team, plus Seattle blows.

I Love the the Rams over the Purp!
Mark my words..... unless the Vikings get a real Offensive coordinator who actually takes chances instead of playing conservative, the Vikes will be 7-9 for the next 5 years. I think they really want to end on a good note, and they have 0 reason to not call crazy plays. Unfortunatly, niether do the Rams, and the Vikes pass defence is an open door. Expect Bruce and Holt to get 3 tds each. Heres to 8-12 more years of mediocrity.

I Love the Bolts over the Cards!
No Lienart, No problem. They get beat both ways.

I Love the Uglies over the Falcors!
I'm officially retiring the Atlanta Falcons to the firey pits of Hell. May they burn slowly. And the Eagles???? What? Even Jeff Garcia knew the season was over when McNabb went down, and he has done the impossible. You see? Even retards can make a difference. Note to Lars, lets create a scale from 1 to 10 calles "looks retarded scale" or LRS. I'm puttin Jeff Garcia at a 9, Jeff George at a 11.

I Love the Raveens over Barfelo!
Total toss up here.... the Ravens could seat everyone. Who knows. Buffalo wins at home in that swirly icey bowl and thats about it.

I Love the Cults over the Phins!
Why? The Colts have about as good a shot as the Bears. If only they could murge and make a team with the Bears D and the Colts O. They could call it Chicapolis or maybe Indiago. (wasn't that the horse move with Viggo Mortenson?) The team with the Bears O and the Colts D could be called the Detroit Lions.

I Love the Bacos over the Crusty Prospectors!
Does it matter that this game will be played in 4 feet of fresh snow? The Niners might have trouble. Gay poeple from San Fran just don't do well in snow.

I Love da Bers in one final win before they lose in the playoffs over the Pack!
No Brainer here. Go Bers.


Peace.

Picks

Wash over NYG
StL over Min
NO over Car
Hou over Clev
Det over Dal
Jax over KC
Ten over NE
NYJ over Oak
Cin over Pit
TB over Sea
Ind over Mia
Phi over Atl
Balt over Buf
Ariz over SD
Den over SF
Chi over GB

lazy rant that ended up taking a while

I love skins. Always a favorite
I love panthers. never a favorite
I love Cleveland. always an underdog
I kove Cboys. always all american
I lkove KC. classic team with style
I love Patty burgers. Always my least favorite team ever
I love jets. a new favorite for many
I love bungles. A favorite since the days of Boomer.
I love seattle. I love the town.
I love MN. You suck MN. All mn sports teams. What the hell man. You give MN a bad name. I wish Prince would buy the vikes. But I heard he moved away. Maybe Mason Jennings should buy the team. Someone cool.
I love eggles. I’m a big fan of the green and whie teams.
I love ravens. Should be a WNBA team name.
I love colts. Not sure about the horse shoe as a logo, but I want to be a cowboy cheerleader.
I love chargers. If you asked me 5 years ago if I would ever go to San Diego, I would have probably said time will tell.. I’ve been there 5 times in the last five years for various reasons. I mean, it’s an alright town, but holy crap man, five times in five years. And I never once went to sea world.
I love broncks. A surprisingly dirty and low altitude town.
I love Green Bay. (here I will begin with a focus on the grenBay game and quickly trail off into a Vikings Season Ender Rant.) Now I’m not saying that the vikes suckathon is pushing me over the border to Pabst country, but the packs Sure do have passion. And I love teams that suck with passion. I wouldn’t care if the vikes sucked, as long as they had passion, but they are seriously a bunch of made-up names and faces like some sega genesis football game where they couldn’t afford the NFL rights, so they made up names and teams. I think we can all agree that Favre is pure poop, but at least we maybe feel for him and his not ever winning. I don’t even know who I would feel for, on the vikes.
Again, I’m not advocating any Packer Love here, but I just use this slot to point out that our beloved Vikes/Packs riverlry is lacking.

I think we should trade all of our third string players for two or four really good all star players. Any position that fails through there second strings, simply plays injured, or subs a cheerleader, or puts the coach in. (Childrish or Chillrash? Again I don’t even know his name.) I would love to see that guy get his face smashed into his play card, and his mustache ripped clean off, by the turf. He looks like a middle school basketball coach. Calling lame plays like “L.A.” or “Kentucky” and wearing zubas, and his son is on the team, and he wears jeans when he plays, but he’s kind of good, yet so awkward. And when he runs through the halls for a water break he pretends he’s at war and carries an invisible machine gun and grenades and ducks and rolls around until he gets to the drinking fountain.
Hey Vikings. Kakkakaka Ratatatata. KaaahBlooooooaaaaahhhmmm! I just through a grenade into your locker room.
(wow, did I just turn into that kid. I blame you , Vikes. For reverting my adulthood, into an awkward middleschoolhood. Grow up, and put some slacks on.)

week 17: I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

I Lova da Gents ova da Skins- THe Gents have somethin to play for. The redskins only play to piss me off. Couldn't care less about this game.

17.1-Legend signing in

I love the Skins over the Gents - mostly because I'm tired of ESPN talking about the Giants. Did I mention that I have a man-crush on Jason Campbell. Skins by 1!!!

To the point

Let's be honest. I'm in AZ and I'm driving 1500 miles in the next three days. I'd really love to write a jaw-dropping, spectaculous rant, but it's not happeing. So here we go.

I LOVE all of the following.
G-men
Pants
Tex
Boys
Chefs
Tits
J-E-T-s
Bungles
Tampa 2
Vikes
Bolts
Iggles
Raves
Colts
Bacos
Bearss

Cheerful Re-Annus

No pizzaz, just picks

KC
Falcons
Buttalo
Browns
Bears
Giants
Rams
Ravens
Pats
Colts
9ers
Bacos
Bolts
'Boys
Moons over My hammys
Bulls
Chicago Machine (look it up)
Chicago Shamrox (look it up)
Sears Tower
Hiawatha Light Rail Line

With the fam: just picks

Don't know who won the GB/Min game, but here's the other picks as well.

GB over Min
KC over Oak
StL over Wash
Ind over Hou
Pit over Balt
Atl over Car
Chi over Det
NE over Jax
NYG over NO
TB over Clev
Ten over Buf
SF over Ariz
SD over Sea
Den over Cin
Dal over Phi
NYJ over Mia

another short christmas rant

I love the following teams. as well as the vikes who were phoned in to lars as i was at ohare sitting on the floor eating a 99 cent mcdonals sunday that cost $1.27 while waiting for my delayed flight to minnesota. all in all i should have driven. Also, lets all make a list of reasonable K. Garnett trades. If we loose KG, we better get Arvedus sabonis (Crisis in Nasteravich would be ok) as well as that one guy who played for the lakers, Kobie. I would love it if he had to live in the midwest.
Vikes (L)
KC
Pitt
Tlanta
Bears
Colts
Jackmen
Gniants
Tampela
Buff
Stloois
Xona
Brungeles
Chargiclas
Cowbats
Jets

Just takin' it one game at a time

I LOVE Chefs over Raiders. All I want for Christmas is to be able to watch the Raiders over and over and over again until my eyes bleed.

For Freeburg – an all-Bulls edition…

I love the Chiefs over the Radiers!!! The Raiders should sign Michael Sweetney for any spot on their beleaguered O-line. He’s the weakest link (maybe missing link) in a long line of Georgetown centers. He’s not a candidate for ass-fighting, due to the fact that his thunder is more blubber than legit action, but he could lead block with the best of them. Chiefs by 10!!

I love the Steelers at home for some unknown reason!!! How did Willie Parker get the moniker “fast”? Is he is the only fast guy in the league? How come we don’t say, “big thighs Maurice Jones-Drew”, or “it’s gotta be arthritis Troy Williamson”, or “down syndrome Jeff Garcia”? The Bulls equivalent is “defensive stopper Adrian Griffin”. Is he even good? Has he become a self-fulfilling prophesy? Steelers by 7!!!

I love the Pants over the Falcors!!! The Falcors are in total disarray and they are playing Julius Peppers. Is Ben Wallace an appropriate analogy here? Feared defender, a little crazy, maybe. And Julius Peppers did play basketball in college – coincidence? Surely. Pants by 10!!!

I love the Burrs over the Lejons!!! OK so you know how the Bulls have serious issues at the offensive power forward spot? Imagine having those serious issues for 16 of you 26 starting positions and you have the Lions. As for the Bears, I expect to see the equivalent of Marty Andriuskevicius (3rd string) in after a few series. Burrs by 10!!

I love the colts over the Texmex!!! Peyton is the consummate field general like Kirk Hinrich is court-general for the Bulls. They both have a southern drawl, that baby face that make you take them less serious, they both played in national title games, and Berg accuses both of them of being mildly autistic. Colts by 9!!!

I love the Jags over the Pats!!! I’ll pick against my squad for the first time this year. I just think that the Jags need it more this week. On the other hand, Rodney Harrison may be back this week and he has an identical moustache to that of Bulls PF P.J. Brown. Again, the stars are aligning. Still, Jags at home by 3!!!

I love the Saints over the Gmen!!! The wild storms off the gulf coast have given the Saints a reason to pay well. OK, follow me now…A notable storm off the gulf coast was in the movie Forrest Gump where Lt. Dan and his lack of legs screamed at God and met him. My nickname for Luol Deng (my favorite Bull) is Lt. Deng. Whenever he scores I turn to my wife and say, “Lt. Deng got new legs, new legs”. These connections are blowing my mind. Deng by 16!!!

I love the Browns over the Tampons!!! The Bulls play Derek Anderson and the bobcat tomorrow night and they shall be victorious. I have more faith in the Browns Derek Anderson, which doesn’t say a ton. Still, Browns by 10!!!

I love the Bills over the Tits!!! Doug Flutie had an illustrious career in Buffalo. He’s from Canada where not many NFLers are from. Ben Gordon and Luol Deng spent significant portions of their life in England, where not many NBAers are from. In fact I bet Lt. Dan could count the number of English NBAers on his feet before the titanium alloy legs and the hot Asian fiancé. Bills by 14!!!

I love the Skins over the Rams!!! I’m a Jason Campbell fan. He’s a balanced QB for a young fella. He can scramble but has a cannon for an arm and good patience. Of all the young Bulls I’m impressed most by Thabo Sefolosha. He’s a great defender, has a “drive to the bucket” mentality and can handle the ball well. If he can develop a jump shot, look out. Skins by 10!!!

I love the 9ers over the Cards to inch closer to a division title!!! Can only hope that Tyrus Thomas shows the development in his second year that Alex Smith has shown in his. I can also only hope that Thomas always wears the broken nose mask. I’ve loved that ever since Carl Herrera and Will Perdue had matching silver ones for the Spurs. 9ers by 9er!!!

I love the Bengals over the B’cos!!! I love TJ. He’s a great second option, and he’s scrappy and firey without ticking me off. This also describes Andres Nocioni to a tea. Bengs by 10!!!

I love the Bolts in Seattle!! BTW, the Qwest field mystique is gone! Bolts should roll. The big question: Who has less hair Skiles or Hasselbeck? Bolts by 17!!!

I love the Boys over the Ugglies!!! I like the Tony Romo story. Not a high draft pick, comes in and leads a team to Ws. How come more hasn’t been made of Chris Duhon for the Bulls. Can we just say between Brand, Duhon, and Deng that the Duke draft bust curse is officially over? I love Duhon and how cheap the Bulls got him too. Boys by 3!!!

I love the Dolphs over the JETS!!!! Zach Thomas is part of the wispy hair club. So is Nick Mangold, So is enforcer Chris Simon, So is center/neandrothol Chris Kaman, so is Cardinals pitcher Jeff Weaver. But the king, Bulls GM John Paxson. Dolphs by 10!!

A couple Pack/Vikes thoughts:

1) Tarvaris wasn’t great, but it’s the first time in 9 years I saw a Vikes QB hit a guy in the flat without hitting his ankles or throwing it 12 feet over his head.
2) Why was Nick Barnett allowed to wear a club on the end of his arm? He looked like that one comic hero who’s limbs turn into hammers – is it shapeshifter?
3) MOD can make fun of Winfield, but he was amazing last night.
4) How many times can Bryant Gumbel get his downs and yardage wrong, how about players, how about stats? He’s horrible. Sure Tirico is dry, but he never gets that stuff wrong.
5) I though Bubba Franks was good. What happened?
6) How in the world does Kenechi Udeze not have a sack this year? That’s embarrassing. I wish we could’ve landed Kampman and his 14 sacks.
7) Mike McCarthy barely has a face. I couldn’t pick his out of a crowd if he was my twin brother. I’ve never seen a more forgettable face than his.
8) Are they trashy? Yup. But the Pack have the best fans, way better than the Vikes or Bears. It’s just the truth.
9) The Packers D is going to be a force for the next 10 years. They are young and fast and getting better quickly. I was really impressed.
10) OK, I guess Chester isn’t a 16 week back. It’s just too much for his body to take.

sucka the butt bigtibe

I'll be honest with you- I dread these last weeks of the season for the unpredictability factor.... Last week every team still had something to play for, but now playoff pictures are shaping up and its inevitable that I will blow 6-7 games on teams who decide to rest players last minute or (ala the 1916 Chicago Sox) throw the game with posers in at QB and defence just so they can get a better draft pic. This perplexing situation shrouds me in negetivity.

I LOVE the CHEFS over the Raydahs!
The 2006 Oakland Raiders will go down in history along side the Lucitania, the LA Riots, and the career of Joey Lawrence. Art Shells boobs will also crack Maxim magazines top 50.

I LOVE the Raves over the Gay Taconite Ore Processors!
Speaking of Taconite Ore processors, the wifey recently rented "North Country". For 2 hours these slimeball Steel workers sexually Harass Charlize Theron, so she takes them to court. Then the music swells, she smiles and she wins the lawsuit. Then the credits roll. I was like, "what the Hell? Wasn't that a little bit of an easy ending? What about the deep emotional scars? 2 hours of my life wasted.... sort of like this game.

I LOVE the Falcors over the Pants!
Remember back in August where everyone was jumping on the posh Panther bandwagon, throwing out meaningless nothings like "Dude, watch out for the Panthers.... They just might go undefeated." How stupid were we? In hindsight their season has been not unlike all those poor souls who went Beta in the 1980s, or Laserdisc in the 1990s. Remember Laserdiscs? The where CDs as big as LPs. What were they thinking? As for the Falcors, remember Michael Vick's parents concieving him? What were they thinking?

I LOVE da Bers over the Kittys!
Congrats Bears fans! You have hope, and you should. Your beloved team is 4 games up on everyone else in the NFC, which means that they will loose thier first playoff game at soldier. Sorry if that wrecks the early celebration, but you QB woes have been significant. Remember when Mod and Mophats prematurly posted those Bears 1985 redux posters? That was funny. For now, lets relive better days.

I LOVE the CULTS over the Cowskulls!
Every time I ask myself why I'm a Vikings fan, I can take solice in the fact that I'm not a Texans fan- Missing out on Bush and Vince Young is as big a blunder as Tom Selleck turning down "Raiders of the Lost Ark" for Magnum PI. Somewhere at a McDonald's in Alabama Sam Bowie is salting fries in a purple polo shirt and matching visor, crying a single tear for all the times his name comes up every sunday. You can't help but feeling Bad for the guy. His own name has become one with the very meaning of the words "complete bust". And what did he ever do besides suck?

I LOVE the JAGS over the PATS!
The Jags just want it more, and this is a classic Pats bust game.

I LOVE the Gents over the Aints!
Wow- tough one here. It's do or die for the Gents, and thier at home, so give them the win. The Giants are without a doubt my least favorite team in professional football. To me, even mention that someones a Giant fan and I'm picturing a fat sweaty irritable New Yorker who thinks the world revolves around him wearing an LT jersey and a blue hardhat.
Remember when Jeremy Shockey said his dream in life was to have a threesome with 3 identical triplets? My dream in life is for Jeremy Shockey to learn how to add.

I LOVE the TAMPONS over the SKIDMARKS!
Here's me after watching this game:



I LOVE Barfelo over the Teets!
It's hard to win in Barfelo in December....

I LOVE the Ewes over the SKINS!
I hate the Redskins too. Wow, please don't quote me out of context on that last statement. What I really meant to say is that I hate Native Americans.... as racist namesfor football franchises.

I LOVE the Crusty Prospectors over the High Ranking Red Dressed Catholic Priests!
Yesturday on the Radio they played a game called "Who's the tiny elf" where they spead up soundbites to high pitched chipmonk vioces, and they played Denny Green's post-Bears loss rant... Funniest soundbite ever.
THE BEARS ARE WHO THEY THOUGHT WE WERE! THATS WHY WE TOOK THE DAMN FIELD! (Pounding Podium) AND WE #?@%!!!!

I LOVE the SINNERS over the BACOs!
I think if I was a diehard Bagles fan, I'd have developed super hero vision by means of mutation by this point. I cannot watch the Bagles uniforms without getting a splittling headache.... way too much contrast between the dark and light stripes... Very similar to watching Japenese cartoons-

I LOVE the BOLTS over the SHAWKS!
The Chargers are so dang good- I really hope they have what it takes to go far. Is there anything Ladanian Tomlinson can't do? He can pass, rush, block, kick fieldgoals, open cans of Chunky soup with his front tooth, and fart the alphabet.... underwater.(?)

I LOVE the BROKEBACKS over the UGLIES!
Wow.... game of the week. Did you see the plans for the new Texas Stadium to open in 2010? 1 Billion Dollars, seating 100 thou with a video scorboard 60 yars long and 60 feet high suspended above the field.... Crazy. Eveything is bigger in Texas. Also, did you hear about genecide in the Sudan and people starving around the world? God Bless America. Isn't it great to live in a nation that makes us all into greedy bastards?

I LOVE the J.E.T.S. over the Phins!
Remember way back last summer when the Dolphins were the early AFC favorite? Daunte was on all the TV comercials and everything. (I'm chuckling).


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL- Travel safe if you're on the road!

Eat my Poop Timmb.

Thursday Night Football Yeah!!!

I LOVE the Green Bay Crappers over the Purple Turds. Let's see if they had freezing rain at Alabama State.

Bring It Lars

Don't call me out Lars, it'll be like the day after your eat off at Famous Dave's. You'll be sore and embarassed the next morning. Eat my poop.

Pack over Vikes...more to come.

Leggie 16.1- signing in

I love when my computer crashes while my picks are being uploaded and then I lose a good rant. Stupid compy. I also love the rookie in Lambeau, because I'm foolish and immature. Vikes by 3!! Skol Vikings let's win the game...

Timmb- I'm callin' you out.

Timmb, no more of this calling other people out- I'm calling you out, yah you. I know you're afraid to behold my radiant face and flaming hot ass (reference Lars' posting), and I understand. I only missed 2 games last week Timmb. Even you would say that that's "Really good job Nate". I also know that you've been busy all weekend preparing for your Chippendales audition....Take it from me Timmb, just pay for a body wax. We'll all be happier. I'm not a chick, but I'd say that the glasses are definatly a turn on-

I LOVE the PURP over the PUCKERS in a completely boring snorefest! Oh, if only John Madden was calling the game with his Favre love.... Don't know about you but I'm planning on watching the Tavis Smiley show on TPT 17 instead.

more pics when I have my life back this weekend.

Lem - Lame-o Edition

I LOVE the...
Raves
Pack
Pats
Titties
Buffs
J-E-T-S
Stillers
Bearss
Aints
Bcos
G-men
Rams
Bolts
C-O-L-T-S

Leg signing in 15.2

Bro, I love you…

I love the Falcors over the Boys!!! One reason for this pick, Alge Crumplers ass. I haven’t seen someone use his butt this well since watching Nate at RCC men’s basketball. God forbid he ever make a wide open layup or jump shot, but one the low post, he gets more out his ass pound for pound than anyone. Falcors by 7!!!

I love the Vikes over the Jets!!! Speaking of purple, my memory of my brothers broken leg months was that after getting Mom’s sponge bath, he would put on the same purple and green sweater every day. I lost the TV for 4 months but I kicked his ass in Madden. Vikes by 10!!

I love the Saints over the Skins!!! Speaking of Nate’s broken leg, he failed to note that this occurred on the first run of a Winter ski trip in Montana, where he went uncontrollably into the woods and straight into a tree, after which he was airlifted to Billings for treatment ruining his friends trip. This begins a very long list of injuries – buckle up, Saints by 13!!!

I love the Pats over the TexMex!! Much like the Pats receivers, Nate was always known to be a butterfinger. I once watch dad toss him a lightly lobbed football and Nate awkwardly reached up to grab it (not unlike Treebeard would look doing so) and he jammed two fingers on different hands. They swelled up like potato sausage. Loved it. Pats by 10!!!

I love the Cats over the Steel crew!!! Much like former Cat Todd Stuessie complaining of swollen breasts before the Sbowl after shooting up, Nate had swollen titties in his middle school years when he was basically a medicine ball. I would long for slick ice, muddy inclines, or rocky roads to watch him tumble and roll along. Cats by 3!!!

I love the Bears over the Tampons!!! Nate actually got more injured than safety mike Brown (though Nate heals quicker and is less predictable). My Dad and I once watched Nate run after an errant ball and fall down a hill, he sprained both ankles and his imp wrists went behind his back like a ghost was beating him up. Fell on his chin and skidded into a small bush. Classic moment. He still gets flustered when Dad and I laugh about it. Bears by 10!!

I love the Raves over the Brownies!!! Nate broke his collarbone going down a steep hill at our cabin on a 3 dollar plastic skateboard with a crack down the middle. Never saw the accident but would pay hundreds of dollars for the footage. Raves by 19!!!

I love the Bills over the Dolphs!!! Another story in which Nate still gets flustered, when after at dinner after a Human Fitness class at Bethel, Nate told his beloved family that Smoking has nothing to do with lung cancer – the two couldn’t be linked. He’ll tell you that he never said it, but I’ve get two other witness that pee their pants when you start to mention that incident. Bills by 10!!

I love the Lions over the Pack!!! I spent 8 years of life, maybe more, sharing a room with Nate, and even as a little medicine ball he could snore with the best of them. I think he’s grown out of it, but I’ll never forget the hours wasted laying in bed. Lions by 10!!

Sorry brother got a dinner party, I hope to meet you in the p-offs to finish this…

I love JAX over the Tits!!!
I love AZ over Denver!!!
I love the Gents over the Gulls!!!
I love the Raydars over the Rams!!!!
I love the Bolts over the Chiefs!!!
I love the Bungels over the Colts!!!!

album coverage (crash the system)

These are all real record covers. no photoshopping whatso ever. Also mark me down for a loss on thursday. i didnt realize it was thursay and like everyone else would have chosen seatt anywhoo.

i love green bay

i love the skins

our father who is about to murder us with his axe loves the vikes (notice the album name. "understand your'e swede". Either the apostraphy is in the wrong spot and it means "understand you are swede" or they spelled "your" wrong. complex mistake jimmy)

a lot of these songs are in House of Mercy's hymnal. actually good stuff. they love St loius

Ken loves Cincibangsle (tim brown in 17 years)

this guy loves chicago (Kjell, your sense of design is the tops)

these hotties love jacksonville

this freak loves balti (i swear this lady can fly)

mike adkins loves ne england (he's saying to the photographer, "it just reahed in my hands")

we love dallas

my drunk grandpa loves miami (this kid looks eerily similar to one of the two brothers by the pool in an earlier post. scroll down and compare)

our mother loves denver

and ours loves pitts (both the dad and the son seem to be pushing their hump pads out for some reason)

our abusive parents love diego

we love giants

Lem - Saturday edition

I'm taking Dallas tonight.

Lem - Thursday Night Edition

Lars, I can't believe you were wondering about me seeing your no-no spot. Don't you remember the dream I had about your erect little man speaking to me, telling me to go to the doctor, and looking like a parrot beak? One of the more entertaining nights of my life.

Actually, speaking of the mighty Stromberg jungle gym, I like the Shawks. Combine Matt Hasselback's round, bald head with Mike Holmgren's elongated face and tiny mouth and you basically have Lars' penis.

Don't worry Lars, it could be worse. I could have said it looks lie Michael Strahan.

Only picks

Sea over SF
Atl over Dal
Balt over Clev
GB over Det
Hou over NE
Jax over Ten
Buf over Mia
Min over NYJ
Pit over Car
Chi over TB
NO over Wash
Ariz over Den
NYG over Phi
StL over Oak
SD over KC
Cin over Ind

Dell does the Battle of the Bros

Battle of the Brothers part Duex. The above picture (circa 1984) pretty much says it all. I love you baby brother, but as you would say, eat my poop.

I Love the SAWKS over the Crusty Prospectors!
Lars and I went to San Fransisco when we were in high school. I remember going to Alcatraz, the Fisherman’s Warf, and eating lots of Sourdough Bread. Mainly I remember how we drove all over the place trying to find a hard rock café’ so we could lay down $25 for a t-shirt. Brother, how retarded were we?

I Love the Brokebacks over the Falcors!
I broke my leg pretty bad my freshman year of college and I had to move home so Mom could help me get dressed and sponge bathe me. It was the most humiliating time of my life. Basically the only part of those 2 months I enjoyed was playing Madden 96’on Nintendo 64 everyday with Lars. He was often Keenan McCardell, who could not drop a pass on that stupid game. Unbelievable. He also was Jamal Anderson on the Dirty Birds and he would just keep pressing the trigger button and doing the spin/juke move over and over. He also beat me a lot. Bastard.

I Love the Raveens over the Poopstains!
Speaking of poop, lets just say that wherever Lars drops the duce there had better be good plumbing. He would spend 20 minutes in the can every time. I remember Mom seriously and with all earnestness saying to me one time, “I just think he has big poops.”

I Love the Puckers over the Kittys!
Lars and I have spent much time in the Dairy State over the years. We used to spend all day down on the dock rough housing. One time we started choreographing this elaborate fight that involved a lot of fake punches and body slams in the water. It all escalated into a climax where I nailed him in the face and he fell into the water off the end of the dock. After we practiced it for a long time we went full speed and it was awesome. The only mistake was at the end when my punch accedently connected really hard and instead of falling back into the water he just crumbled onto the dock.

I Love the Pates over the Cowskuls!
I do understand Lars’s devotion to the Patriots, being that we are born/raised New Englanders, but come on…. I honestly can’t remember any devotion to the Patriots. I remember routing heavy for the Bears over the Pats in 1985. I also remember thinking the super bowl shuffle was the raddest thing ever. Lars was already more into Basketball at that young age than anything else. In fact, if he watched any thing on TV it was his“Amazing Dunks and Basketball Bloopers” tape with that fat guy Frank Laden.

I Love the Teets over the Jags!
Speaking of teets, Lars has an extra nipple on his butt. Actually, It may medically be considered a birth mark, except it has the same nipple coloring and identical pepperoni size.

I Love Barfello over Mihammy!
As long as we’re on the subject of Lars’ butt and Buf, it should be noted that my favorite past time is wrestling with Lars in a pool or hot tub, than stealing his shorts and running away. One time I did this when he was 10 in a large public hot tub. From across the room I could see him hiding his shame beneath the bubble jets while 4 or 5 women proceeded to join him in the tub. They had no clue that this cute little red headed kid was pant-less. He was doing his best not to cry.

I Love the J.E.T.S. over the Purp!
There is one word that puts Lars over the edge….. Jimmy Hitchcock. Just say the word and he goes postal.

I Love the Gay Taconite Ore Processors over the Pants!
Speaking of gay pantelones, Lars has always had a peculiar fashion sense when it comes to trousers. I mentioned last time that all he ever wanted in life was a pair of plaid wool pants…. How about a pair of orange or pink jeans? Do you still wear those? Sweet brother.

I Love da Bers over the Tampons!
Lars and I were at the Vikings/Buccaneers game in 1997 when Trent Dilfer got ejected for tring to start a fist fight during the game. I think it was with John Randle. There are few stranger things than the sound of 60,000 confused people laughing at the same time and stopping suddenly. Wouldn’t you agree brother?

I Love the Bacos over the High Ranking Red Dressed Catholic Priests!
It would be impossible not to mention here Lars’ undying devotion to the Phoenix Suns of the early 90’s. We were somewhere in Wyoming on a family vacation watching the finals with the parents when Jim Paxon hit that big 3 to seal the ‘93 championship. Lars started crying. There was awkwardness, because we all wanted to smear his face in poop, and his little spirit was obviously bruised. What a sensitive little guy.

I Love the Uglies over the Gents!
I’ve only ever once been in the presence of pure, vomit-enducing ugliness, and that was when Mom and Dad took Lars and I to a resort in Cozumel for a family vacation in 1996. Little did they know that the entire resort would be filled with German tourists who love to go topless. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t have been such a big deal to 2 high school boys, but these gals were all 60-70 years old and at least 300 lbs. We tried wrestling in the ocean but where so grossed out we just bobbed in the water and stared out to sea. I still get chills.

I Love the EWES over the Raydahs!
Speaking of wool pants…. When I think of the Raiders I think of Howie Long and Bo Jackson, and collecting football cards in 1990. We were living in Chicago at the time. The card shop was right next to “Land of Zah” Pizza. One time we ate there, and then came home and upchucked all afternoon. Until eating there I wasn’t aware that grease was an extra topping. Have you ever been so sick brother?

I Love Lars’ Bolts over the Chefs!
To me, Lars’ love for the bolts and never-ending need to prove that he likes the chargers represents something deeper. Maybe its genetic, maybe it was some childhood trauma I caused him, or maybe it’s that he’s always wanted to electrify people in his own way. I’ve seen those moments when he just can’t be all he wants to be, specifically on the Basketball court when he stands still in the corner past the 3 point line with hands in the air as if to say, “I’m open! I’m open!” and then he doesn’t get the ball. You can see the anger in his eyes, and it only makes him brick even worse when he actually does get a shot off. Brother, I believe in you. You have the inner electricity to change the world…. Believe in yourself.

I Love the Cults over SINci!
Talk about a team of thugs….. One of the Lars’ big scandals was when this big polish guy at Schinder’s Baseball Cards and Pornography shop accused an 8th grade Lars of stealing, and forever banned him from the store. To this day he claims his innocence, and everybody but me seems to believe him. Come on Brother, what really happened? Why was that guy so mad? Just think of how much you’ve missed on not being able to enter a Schinder’s for the last 13 years. Is it really worth it? IS IT REALLY WORTH IT??? LET IT GO!

Legend 15.1 - Signing In

Fizellahs-

I love the Shawks over the Grizzled Prospecter Whateverthehecks!!! Yup, I gave up on the Niners after last week. How do you lose to the Pack at home? Consider this a WDYL07 or 08 preview however: Alex Smith, Vernon Davis, Frank Gore, Antonio Bryant, and perhaps Dwayne Jarrett or Tedd Ginn? They'll win this division in the next couple year. For tonight, it's a lot of male-patterned baldness, gaps between the teeth, and linebackers I can't pronounce. Shawks by 7!!!

I'm going to Lutsen last second Thursday Morning Picks

Seattle
Dallas
Miami
Chicago
Green Bay
Jacksonville
Vikings
Pats
Saints
Steelers
Ravens
Bacos
Rams
Giants
Chargers
Bengals

I eat football for breakfast

I LOVE being too lazy to get off my couch and write "Pittsburgh" on the blog.

I LOVE the Falsucks. Even Cleveland Gary can't save the Bucs.

I LOVE the Raves. Lots of flashing lights, topnotch techno beats, and sweaty people in a warehouse. I'm here to suggest a WDYL rave, perhaps Buff can get us into one of the CLC classrooms with his hookups. Hwksng can take care of the music, Timmb can rig the lights, and I'll bring chips and salsa. It says here that Dell can really do a great robot.

I LOVE Jacksplat. Though Lars seems to think that I love the Colts, I actually think the Bolts might be the best team. Now he will accuse me of being a bandwagon jumper or a fairweather fan, to which I reply, "At least my sister didn't marry her horse."

I LOVE Minny and talking about the 2007 draft. Maybe if they lose their last four games they'll have a shot at Calvin Johnson.

I LOVE the Pats. Brady not playing hot, but Dolphins are moldy cheese.

I LOVE the G-men. Introducing former 27 year-old Heisman winner Chris Hanky.

I LOVE Cincinattica. Think about this. NFL teams have a roster of 53 people. 8 of Cincy's 53 have now been arrested in the last year. That's 15.09434 percent. That's like if Taco Tuesday got arrested for public urination and a month later Hometown Buffet was booked for insider trading. Unbedamnlievable.

I LOVE the Skins. Jeff Garcia bears a strong resemblance to all the Who's from Ron Howard's Grinch. Clearly not a coincidence.

I LOVE the Flaming T's. I wonder how Houston feels about not taking their hometown boy. Probably the same way Kevin McHale feels about the lack of Big, Tall, and Shouldery stores.

I LOVE the Ninnies. Nothing about this game is even remotely interesting. My wife's pregnant.

I LOVE Shawks. I bet that if you work out Edgerrin's contract, he's getting something like $17,000 per yard.

I LOVE Nidge. I also love making Legend figure out who I'm picking by giving less-than-obvious names. I'll help you out here. NYJ

I LOVE San Diego because Mike Shanahan's officially become the worst coach in the league not named Al Davis. This QB thing defies belief.

I LOVE the Boys. If we examine the history of mentor-pupil matchups in the post-wildcard NFL, we see a strong trend towards the mentor in initial matchups. That disparity evens out over time as the subjects become less similar tactically and in their methods, but it appears that at first the pupil has not developed the ability to think beyond patterns established previously in the relationship. As such, he is more predictable, giving Parcells the advantage. Plus, he has better breasts.

I LOVE Chicago. I also love Rex Grossman for the endless hours of entertainment and adrenaline rush he provides every time he drops back. I can't wait.

wally

wally punches a lady in the gut with the trophy that she had just presented to him. By the look on her face, it either really hurt or apparently sent her on a rocket ship going mach 3. i love the look on the guys face to the left. (in a frederick tatum voice) "come, on wally, there is no need for violence in times like these. I mean, it's just proposterous." Or else wally is attempting to insert the dark crystal into her womb so that she can birth the magic narwol, who will save the day, and the timberwolves from certain death, by losing KG.

LogoCentric

i love Vikes,Bungles, Pats, Charges, Jets, Eggels, T's, Colts. NyGiants, Bears, GB, Shawks, Thawks, CBoys, KC, and (a-forementioned browns).

Here are the rest

KC over Balt - Who actually likes the Ravens? Do they have any fans?

Hou over Ten - Beat the Colts. Lose to the Texans. Sounds about right for the Titans.

Car over NYG - Eli repeatedly receives the snap and then curls up in a ball on the ground.

Oak over Cin - The whole Bengals team is arrested. Criminal activity in America stops.

Phi over Wash - Garcia admits, that because of his age and many previous surgeries, he is now half robot.

Atl over TB - Why are the Buccaneers still playing?

Jax over Ind - Because home field advantage has not been helpful in the past for the playoffs. The Colts become determined to lose it.

Det over Min - Roy Williams finally refuses to say a stupid quote. Lions win.

NE over Mia - Nick Saban admits to not even bothering with a game plan because he thought the Patriots were always supposed to win.

SF over GB - The win helps depressed San Francisco Giants fans facing the fact that they'll have to watch Barry Bonds for another year.

Ariz over Sea - After the win, word leaks that Denny Green has compromising photos of Holmgren. Americans everywhere threaten to poke their eyes out if they are ever published.

NYJ over Buf - The Bills are clearly stymied by Pennington's repetitive two-yard passes.

SD over Den - LT asks the league to put Vaseline on the ball just to make the game more challenging for him.

NO over Dal - Measurements are taken. It's true, Parcells has the widest hips of any man.

Chi over StL - Bears only put one person, Devin Hester, on the field for a punt return. Hester returns it 73 yards for the touchdown.

OK, fellas. A new spin this week for me. I'd like to use my rant space to introduce you to my favorite and least-favorite bassists ever:

I love the Bucs over the Falcors!!!! Best bassist in a band that would totally suck with out him - Tom Barney, Steeley Dan. Like Ronde Barber, the Bucs D would be brutal without him, but with him, The Falcons have a lot to fear. Tom Barney saves his team of morons and old-guys as well. Bucs by 7!!!

I love the Chiefs over the Ravens!!! Best bassist to wear the worst clothes - Geddy Lee, Rush. Geddy Lee is one of the stupidest looking bassists ever but he can shred it up on the double bass. Likewise, the Chiefs look dumb in their bright red uni's, but if that offense can get going, they should win this one. Chiefs by 10!!!

I love the Jags over the Colts!!! Just like the Jags are a team I like to root for, Michael Ivins of the Flaming Lips is a bassist that you root for in concert. He's mesmorizing! Jags by 3!!

I love the Lions over the Purp!!! This is probably my most depressing pick ever. The most depressing bassist I've ever seen is Dean Dinning of Toad the Wet Sprocket. He's so clearly a nerd that you can just imagine him playing oboe in highschool band. Lions by 4!

I love NE over Miamah!!! Unsung hero in the Pats dynasty? How about Richard Seymour? The guy is a monster but doesn't really get the star recognition. Most unsung hero in a rock dynasty? How about the bassist in Tears for Fears. I don't even know his name, but he's a rad bassist. NE by 10!!!

I love the Pants over the G-men!!! I think Jake Delhomme right now is weak link on a pretty good team. He's been brutal. The weakest bassist in a great band? Without question is D'Arcy of Smashing Pumpkins. She is so incredibly poor. I once watched the Pumpkins on Leno and actually pulled out a clump of my hair. Pants by 7!!!

I love the Bungels over the Raydahs!! Just as Ocho Cinco is really fun to watch, my favorite bassist to watch is Becks bassist Justin Meldel-Johnsen (also plays for Tori Amos). I loved when he had the pink afro during the Midnight Vultures tour. Bungels by 17!!!

I love the Skins over the Eagles!!! Just as this is probably a suprise pick to many of you, a suprise bassist on my list is almost certainly the bassist for Bow-Wow-Wow. Another outstanding bassist in a crappy crappy band. Skins by 7!!!

I love the Tits over the Texans!!!!! Man the Tits got some sauce. They are a resolute bunch. Just as the Tits are playing funky-dunky, and the Texans aren't really even a football team, so Stevie Wonder is a funky-dunky bassist who doesn't even play bass. He plays a better bass on keys that 90% of bassists. As he has gotten older, he has also grown Tits. Seriously, Tits by 7!!!

I love the 9ers over the Pack!!! Mr. Favre is a great player who has been known to make dumb decisions, not unlike Chris Novacelic of Nirvana who played pretty well, but then would decide to throw his bass directly above him so that it would fall on his head and almost kill him. Love that clip. 9ers by 6!!!

I love Zona of the Shawks!!! The Card remind me of a young Sting. Raw, untrained, starting plucking with his thumb and got better and better as the years went on. In a few years this Cards team will be punching Stuart Copeland backstage, having 8 hour orgies with his wife, and wearing docker while playing to stadiums full of over-weight women and men with male-pattern baldness. Zona by 7!!!

I love the J-E-T-S over the Bills!!! Chad Pennington has shown a knack for improvization at the line this year, which is a reason for sucess. Likewise, when Erik Fratzke of Happy Apple improvises to his full potential, that band is really clicking. Sometimes Erik can be offensive, like when he wore a t-shirt at a concert that said, "Look at my Vagina". Hopefully Chad isn't offensive this week. JETS by 10!!

I love the Bolts over the B'cos!!! B'cos? I think I've been saying that they are overrated all season, and now you are finally listening. I used to love Stefan from DMB in highschool. I was listening to them on the radio recently...man, he's a pretty average bassist. Can I get a witness? Bolts by 14!!!

I love Dallas over NO!!!! I bet Tony Romo was a dork before his sucess the last 6 weeks. Not unlike the dorkiest bassist ever, Mike Gordon of Phish. First time I saw Phish live, Mike was wearing all denim with the top button buttoned on his jean shirt. He's pretty dang good though, so is Romo. Boys by 7!!!

I love the Rams over the Burrs!!! Don't know why, but I'll take a chance here. The Rams haven't been a cool team since the black guy was playing bass for the Spin Doctors, but I'll go with that funky slap bass for my final pick.

Salut. Prost. Sorry that Blogger for some reason wouldn't let me put up more pics.

cleve's pitts

i love upsetables. Go Cleveland. You suck pittsblurg. i love cleve.

Thursday game

Clev over Pit - To try and intrigue viewers, NFL Network begins promoting a Romeo Crennel vs. Andy Reid cage match.

Legend 14.1 - Signing In

Hey fellas, Timmb, thanks for the skinned Cat.

I love the Steelers over the Brownies!!! Man, is there a tougher team to pick and feel good about than Pittsburgh? They get shut out, then they dominate a bad team. From what I hear the Browns have signed and are starting former Trailblazer Derek Anderson, who is from Kentucky U, the same school as former Browns #1 pick Tim Couch. Can somebody say bad karma? Kind of like how thousands of skinned cats will descend upon Timmb and Sharis bed of bliss at an unexpected moment. I loved when the evil Bill and Ted were trying to kill Cats with the phone booth in the second Bill and Teds. Steelers by 7!

More later...

Dell play da football pick

This week I spar the mighty KyKy- Tall, Dark, Handsome and Dark as he may be, he has met his match. I'm pulling out my best for this bout, and going with my second annual Clem Haskin pick extravaganz. Eat my poop Ky.

I Love da poostay over da steeler. All da steeler recevah are out. Who Ben Rothlethsberg throw to? Go Brown!

I Love da Falcon over da Tampon. that last comment begs question: do bird of prey menstruate?

I Love da Chef over da Raven. The Raven be lookin good for long time, but the chief at ho a tough tee. Dey also loose last week and gotta have a da win.

I Love da Colt over the Jaguar. Ditto for the Colt. They loose and look silly last wee.

I Love da Purp over da Lion. I sicko da purp. They sucka da butt bigtibe, but the Lion even wer. I would pick a da Lion if da purp D wasun so guh.

I Love da Patriot over da Dolphin. Peepoe say dolphin way smart, wit big brain and language ah click sound. I say a doo wit a musket win in a fie any day. Go Patriot!

I Love the Panther over da Giant. Pickin the Giant would be almos as bad as pickin Justin Timbalay to win a grammy- ain gone happen cause he sucka da butt bigtibe. Give me sa soul.... some Jame Brown or Geor Clint.... da pant still look better on pape. Da Philip River, Shawn Marima, and Nate Kead trade for Eli Mann loo mighty bad right abow now for da Giant.

I Love da Bagle over da Raider. Yum Yum. Give me hot Cinnim bagle with cream chee anytibe.

I Love da Eagle over da Rezkin. Jeff Garc look like imbred chyle of Conan O'Bria an hisself. Still, he wina da gay las week, and I cand picka rezkin. They nehva win mo den 2 gay at a tibe.

I Love da Titan over da Texan. Denzel washing tought us awe, in ancient tibe da Titan were da Gah. Da texan is a fat guy wit a string tye at a BBQ resteraun eatin rib and whipin sauce on the shir.

I Love da Forty Niner over da Packer. Brett Favre need surg to fix ancle and elbow. The Niner got Frank Goe and he run. the packer suck a da butt bigtibe.

I Love da Seahawk over da Carinal. The seahawk are back. They win big game at the Bronco. To my ol pal Denny Gree: Here an idea for when you get fire- Open a Denny's resturan. Dey surve moon of myhamy and gran sla. I also like the steak and egg. Only $3.99 for a T-Bone with 95 percen chew fat.

I Love da Jet over da Barf. Da Jet commin on stron.

I Love da Charger over da Bronco. Is der anytin LT cand do? Da man run a da ba, he pass a da ba, he tough and push big guy bigger dan him aroun. He may be da greates footba playa eva.

I Love da Cowboy over the Sain. Dis is a god gay man. The Cowboy playin gray. So da Say. Da Cowboy at hoe, also have a better D. Dees two teem meet in a few week for the NFC playoff.

I Love da Bear over da Ram. Rex sucka da butt bigtibe. He need to look good again the Ram to convins me the Bear win 1 playoff game. After las wee, I say no. Da Bear need a turn arow.

Kissa my buh Kyky.

NFL Network my skinny white Ass!!!

Lars, you need to work on your rant point math. Yes, the Dell decision is now correct, but then you gave me the W last week because of my rant point. However, guess what? I'm out of rant points. I had two, used one, and then used the second one last week against Dell, so you and I should have tied. However, I demand a rant point this week for being very honest with you. It's kind of like in high school when you got a test back and had gotten a 97 percent. But then you realized that the teacher had not marked one that was incorrect. So, you turned yourself in knowing that in all likelihood she would not deduct the points. Thus, you've scored some major brownie points without compromising your 97 percent. At least that's what I've heard would happen, I never did that, all of you shut the hell up.

I LOVED the Ravens, even though I should have known better, and they lost.

I LOVE the Rams, but only because they're playing the Cardinals.

I HATE the Falsucks but think they will win. My feeling this game is similar to Lars' feeling on chafing.

I LOVE the Pats and Tedy Bruschi's gangly arms. I always hated Bruschi, but now that he had a stroke and made a courageous comeback, I feel as though I'm no longer allowed to hate him and his gangly arms. Damn you Bruschi, and your stroke too.

I LOVE the Colts and Lars kiss my dog's butt.

I LOVE KC in the retina-burning game of the year. One of you art types, can you please explain the Chiefs uniforms to me. They're red, but that can't be the only thing they are. Red is not a bad color necessarily. What is it about those unis that make me feel like I'm in an insane asylum having electricity zapped into my brain while eating barbecue sauce and listening to Twisted Sister?

I LOVE the Bears. Everybody's talking about the Vikes like they're actually something. Ok, your offense scored more points last game than it had all year. But hello, you were playing the CARDINALS. The Steel Curtain they're not. And you allowed Matt Leinart to throw for 893 yards and have a shot in the end zone to win. Yeah, this team's going places.

I LOVE GB. Brett Favre is to Chad Pennington as an Energizer Battery is to:

A: A Daisy
B: Papier mache
C: A Roaming Cell phone on vibrate
D: Erectile Dysfunction

I LOVE Buffalo. Two words: Lake effect snow. That's right people, we've all seen it, we've all had it bury out tires and get in the tops of our shoes, making our socks soggy. LT, have you ever tried to throw a pass to Eric Parker with soggy socks? I didn't think so.

I LOVE NO over SF. Mike Mackenzie is a poor man's Ray Crockett.

I LOVE Oakland. I am so excited for the John Shoop era. I can't wait to watch the Raiders find unexplored ways to screw up. I feel like they were getting a little too comfortable with the ways they were screwing up for Tom Walsh. It was time for a shakeup, one that I feel can really push this team to new heights.

I LOVE Miami over Jacksonville. This game needs a nickname. I'm thinking The Battle for Sunshine State Supremacy Not Counting Tampa Bay.

I LOVE the G-men. I'm picking against the Boys every week because Romo has to lose someday.

I LOVE Pittsburgh because I'm stupid and think they have to win sometime.

I LOVE Seattle. There are two axioms I live my life by. The first is never leave your shoes untied when there's a giant Hungarian using your bathroom. Nearly as important is the second: Never pick a rookie QB in his first start.

I LOVE the Pants. Jeff Garcia will throw four picks, but at least no one will be talking about how bald he is or calling him gay.

Short Picks

Chargers
Bears
Chiefs
Jets
Colts
Rams
Pats
Saints
Falcors
Raiders
Jags
Giants
Steelers
Hawks
Pantsers

Week 13.2- Legend Signing in

I love St. Louis over Zona!!! It's hard to even talk about this game. If you talk too much about it too much you're like the nerd who know the names of the planets in the Star Wars movies. But since I have to pick, I'll pick the Dagabon system. Rams by 7!!!

I love the Skins at home!!! Maybe we can finally predict a Falcors game now that they are apparently horrible. I don't get this whole, Vick is a coach killer thing. Nobodies talking about the true coach killer: Heart disease. Have you ever seen Andy Reid, Mike Holmgren, Art Shell, Romeo Crennel, or Denny Green? I saw Holmgren in person once and I actually thought he was wearing a fat suit he was so big. And his head? At least two times the size of Dells head, and thats saying something. Skins by 10!!!

I love the Pats over the Lions!!! I wish in honor of Gilette stadium that the Pats would shave their heads for team unity. How come you only see this tactic in highschool basketball, or the 1996 Indiana Pacers. Nobody on the Pats, and I mean nobody, could look as bad as Rik Smits and Fred Hoiberg with shaved heads. It was like watching a 7'3 powder play bball. Loved it! Pats by 17!!!

I love the Tits over the Colts!!! The Tits have given me a lot of hope. In accordance with my Colt bashing clause, I'm going to give them no respect and pick Fat Albert to get a win. I should be shot for this. Tits by 6!!

I love the Chefs in Cleveville!!! This game is like a bad album cover. It could be a good, interesting game, but the look of it on paper ruins the whole game. You could dig the product, but all you think about is how bad the cover is. Here's my top 5 worst album covers ever. 5) Stevie Wonders In Square Circles - where is he? Is he on the moon? Why is there an LP record on the moon? 4) the Police - zenyatta mondatta - This could double for a gay pride parade poster, 3) Any Phil Collins (not Genesis) cover. Seriously, Phil has to be in love himself because every album cover had a huge blown up picture of his face, 2) Rush's Hemispheres - Geddy Lee: "Guys, what about a guy standing on a globe pointing at the solar system", Neil Pert: "How about if he stands on a brain instead", Alex Lifeson: "Maybe he should be naked", Geddy Lee: "Agreed, guys 1983 is going to be a bitchin year." and 1) David Bowie's Heroes - I never knew David want to be a mime. Chefs by 7!!!

I love the Burrs in Chi!!! I'm with the Dell, what the hell are these people smoking. The Vikes aren't good at all. On another note, let's create a new sport called the ass-off. It's basically like Sumo wrestlign but turned around. I would have to pick Wiggins over almost anyone in an ass-off, except maybe Alge Crumpler. Chi by 7!!

I love the Pack at home!!! Like the JETS this year, but not to win in Lambeau, sorry. Pack by 3!

I love the Bolts to win in Buffalo!!! Buffalo is a tough place to play, no question about that. But when LT is your running back, and he could probably be starting at QB for the opposing team, I gotta go with the bolts. Hmmm, Antonio Gates could be tough in an ass-off as well. Bolts by 11!!

I love the Saints over the 9ers!!! For a brief moment I thought that the 9ers might win that division. Now they've come back to earth and have to go play in what is all of a sudden God's town. Everybody feels good about New Orleans. Is this ironic to anyone else? How many fans call this a special season of destiny and then rub their beads, show thier tits, and observe live orgies in the streets outside the Superdome? God Bless America. Saints by 6!!!

I love the Raydahs at home!!! For as putred as the Raiders are, their D is pretty good and the Texans are about as bad as they could possibly be. Can somebody say Brady Quinn. Oak by 3!!!

I love JAX at miamah!!! Unlike the WDYl populace, I'll stick with the Jags. Not the show Jag, I don't care for it, but with Jacksonville. Did anybody else think for the first ten years of thier existence that the Jags played in Jackson, Mississippi rather than Jacksonville, Florida. Yeah, me neither. Jax by 9!!

I love the Gents over the Boys!!! Sure the Gs are falling faster than William Hungs endorsements, but it's the NFC, nobody is going to really pull away. Gents by 7!!

I love the Steelers over the Tampons!!! Has anybody noticed that the "warm weather team will usually lose in cold weather theory doesn't get talked about much very more? Why is that? Maybe people figure out that just because you play for the Bucs doesn't mean that you grew up in Florida. Those idiots. Steelers by 3!!

I love the S'hawks in Denver!!! Do I expect Cutler to play well. Sure, I guess, but unless he has healing powers the Broncos are not making the playoffs. The team is too banged up. Hwaks by 7!!!

I love Lina over Delphia!! I'm again with the Dell, I'll take the team that Jeff Garcia will be throwing to the most, in this case, Chris Gamble, Ken Lucas and the Lina secondary. Pants by 14!!!

Legend- signing in 13.1

One pick today - more later.

I love the Bengals over the Ravens! I usually pick the team that needs the W worse, and I also usually pick incorrectly. That said, I expect the Stripeys to win by somewhere between ocho and conco points. Fruitiest line ever. I'm officially Erik Perkins from Perk at Play. Bengs by 7!!

Salut, Skol, Prost

Hans' On the Road

Balt vs Bung
I would also like to express my dislike of this years new cable only games. Who do they think we are? It’s not like we are still living with our parents, leeching their cable, and vanilla ice cream. I love bungles.

Zona vs St. Louna
I saw a ram once, in Yellowstone or somewhere out west? What a goofy animal. I love the rams.

Tlanna vs Wash
One time I saw Al Sharpton in a hotel bar that was closed. They had apparently opened it for him and he was sitting by hiself drinking scotch, staring out the window. His body guards were nearby sleeping while standing. I love politicians. I love Washington DC

Det vs Engla
I’ve never been to Detroit and I’m not really sure what New England is? I love Patties.

Indian vs tennis
I went to horse camp once with david, my brother, and his horse always tried to scrape david off his back by running into the woods and rubbing his back on branches. I think I got mad at him for not knowing how to control his horse, but it was the funniest thing ever, and I also truly knew that the horse was crazy. Later the horse faked an injury so david would have to walk by it instead of ride it. I love colts.

Kans vs Cleves
I spent a night in Cleveland once, with my wife, Marianne. Talk about a ghost town. During rush hour, Cleveland is like St, Paul after 8pm. Dead/ I love KC

Sota vs cago
With a big snow storm on the way, it’s amazing how lame Chicagoens are, when it comes to cold and snowy weather. I mean all they do is complain. Kind of like Rex complaining that the Vikes talk too much trash. What a baby. I love Vikes

Jets vs Packs
I’ve never been to Green Bay. But my family has a cabin on an island in lake supurior, which is officially in Wisconsin. When I’m there, I do a lot of hovering so I don’t have to touch Wisconsin. But hey, even though I really like the jets, I’m gona pic The packs on this one. I love GB and D. Driver.

Diego vs Buffs
I drove through Buffalo once, with Luke Merchy and his Parents. 18 hours with Mech’s parents, by the end of the trip I was curled up on the floor whispering Redrum. I love Diego

San Fran vs New O
I once had a chance to go to San Fran, but got the flu and had to stay in my log cabin all by myself for a week. With no flu medicine, and no TV. The only thing I could do was stare at this horrible painting hanging above my sofa all day. I started dreaming of ways I could destroy it. I hated it. Luckily I had a laptop with that windows Pinball game on it. 20,000,000 points. Probably the highest score ever in that game. I love new Orl

Jack vs Mia
I love the dolphins logo. It looks like a handicapped dolphin. With that helmet. It looks like those pictures of jeff Holmberg when he had to wear a helmet cause he ran into a mail box and they were afraid of him getting brain damage. I love dolphins

Hou vs Oak
I’m not a huge fan of texas. I drove through it with Nate Stromdell once. It was like 123 degrees and we both were sweaty and stinky in his oldsmobile. It was like a desert littered with walmarts and fat people. Thank god for everything west of texas. (except for the petrified forest, that sucked too). Also we camped at the north rim of the Grand canyon, probably in my top five of coolest places ever. I love Oak.

Dallus vs Gniantgs
I almost killed a crotch rocket in new york once. I now understand those bumper stickers, Start Seeing Motorcycles. Seriously though, I think his right hand glove nicked my mirror. He still somehow managed to shake his fist at me at 120 miles per hour. I love Cowboys.

Tamp vs Pitt
I drove through pittsburg once. Shortly after having my own Meet the Parents experience 80 times worse than the movie. Not only did my soon to be father in law take me out to breakfast and have a sex talk with me, at Friendlys, but the following night I didn’t say “in Jesus name” before I said Amen at the dinner table and this triggered a fiasco that involved me fearing for my life, him almost hitting me, the cops almost being called, and me hiding in bushes. Needless to say, my father-in-law is a bit out there. I love Pittsburg.

Seatt vs Den
I remember taking a train to seattle, and arriving at 4 in the morning to find that the next train was canceled due to a landslide. I was on my way to stu luckman’s island home in the San Juan Islands. I somehow took 6 different buses and found my way to the ferry (5 hours from seattle) and found out that stu had thought he was supposed to pick me up in seattle so he drove half way down when his truck broke down. He got it fixed and realized I was at the ferry, came back and picked me up. We took the ferry to the island and I realized that I had forgotten my back pack on the mainland at the ferry dock. I thought he was gona kill me. Pleasant weekend though. I love Seattle.

Carol vs Phil
I don’t know what to say about these two places. Never been. I love Carol.

Stupid Thursday night games

Here's the picks:

Cin over Balt - Chad Johnson brings back the Icky shuffle. Ravens can't beat that.

Ind over Ten - Because it worked last week, the Titans spot the Colts a large, early lead. Titans quickly realize that the Colts aren't the Giants, and Peyton is not Eli.

Ariz over StL - Rams repeatedly ask Larry Fitzgerald for his autograph because he used to get rides home from The Peter Williams.

Min over Chi - Bears feel the league should just give them this game. None of the players or coaches show up. Eager fans suit up and actually beat the Vikings but to no avail.

NYJ over GB - To show just how talented he is, Favre decides to throw left handed. Proving his point, he is able to play the same and throws rocket interceptions throughout the game.

NO over SF - Fans are asked to name five 49ers. No one can.

Buf over SD - Chargers think the apocolypse is happening due to the inclement Buffalo weather.

KC over Clev - In an effort to show grace, Herm Edwards has the Chief defense not to take the field at the end of the game. The Browns offense runs to the wrong end zone.

Wash over Atl - Thinking it will improve his passer rating, Michael Vick decides to run past his receivers and lateral back to them.

NE over Det - Feeling the cut off sweatshirt is still too restrictive, Belichick dons a wife beater.

Mia over Jax - Scientific evidence is published prooving that Daunte Culpepper truly is dumber than a box of rocks.

Oak over Hou - John Shoop's new high-powered offense lulls the Texans to sleep.

TB over Pit - After the game, fans are given the opportunity to make goofy faces to try and make Cowher and Gruden laugh.

Dal over NYG - In addition to becoming a top quarterback and dating Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo admits that because of the shape of his ears, like Dumbo, he can fly.

Sea over Den - Shanahan gets confused by his own running back by committee and unintentionally puts them all on the inactive list.

Phi over Car - Realizing that they only have one offensive option, the Eagles run all of their plays through Bryan Westbrook.

Please Dell, Don't Hurt Em

I LOVE the BAGLES over the BLACKBIRDS!
How sucky is it that NFL network owns this game? I can't watch it. This is gonna be a great game. Shouldn't somebody file suit against NFL network ala Microsoft for screwing everybody?

I LOVE the EWES over the CARDS!
I's hard to love anything about the Rams right now.

I LOVE the SKINS over the DIRTY BIRDS!
... and Michael Vick is the filthiest Bird of them all. We want SHAUB!

I LOVE THE PATES over the MOTORCITYKITYS!
Does this game even need to be played? Just imagine that you play for the Lions and get hurt in this game. Is there any honor in saying that you were giving your best effort against the Pats? Seriously, just take a kick to the nuts and the loss and start contemplating Brady Quinn or Troy Smith, or any number of slow overrated recievers.

I LOVE the CULTS over the TEETS!
Inside every decent human being is compasion for Albert Hainsworth. Admit it, we've all wanted to mercelously stomp with cleats on the face of our fellow man. Perhaps that "man" respresents our anger, bitterness, adiction, upbringing, and all that holds us back. Perhaps it also represents a Penis.

I LOVE the CHEFS over the POOPSTAINS

I LOVE the BERS over the PURP!
Where is all this "watch out, the Vikes might surprise em" talk coming from? Have these people been watching the Vikings at all? They can't score, and Grossman will pass for 800 yards if he sees the kind of pass rush the Purp have shown as of late.

I LOVE the J.E.T.S. over the PUCKERS!
Go Rotator Cuff!

I LOVE the BOLTS over BARFALO!
Bolts are dang good, and Lars, you said so from the beginning. You were right and we all doubted. Lars, a gotta know.... 5 years from now, who wins the superbowl? Please say the Texans or the Browns or the Lions. Please.

I LOVE the AINTS over the CRUSTY PROSPECTORS!
49ers are decent..... But Brees is dang good. How did he suck so bad for 3 years and thn just turn it on? Theres no way to explain it.

I LOVE the RAYDUHS over the COWSKULLS!
Can't believe I'm picking Art Shells Boobs for a win, but they havn't won in a while and the Texans suck butt on the road, even if the black hole has become about as scary as the ball pit at McDonalds.

I LOVE the PHINS over the JAGS!
The Jags are tanking just about as bad Michael Richards career right about now.

I LOVE the BROKEBACKS ove the GENTS!
Ditto for the Gents.

I LOVE the GAY TACONITE ORE PROCESSORS over the TAMPONS!
Why am I still optimistic about the steelers? They suck. No way a team can get so bad for no reason.

I LOVE the BACOS over the SHAWKS!
This might as well be do or die for the Broncos, and now Cutler has his chance. That D should be able to contain Shawn Alexander.

I LOVE the PANTS over the UGLIES!
I Love any team playing opposite Jeff Garcia! By the way, I think he bags groceries at the Rainbow off University.

PATRIOTS RULE!!!

I'll spare everyone else the impending rant from my kid brother after yesturday. Here goes:

"You all doubted. None of you believed me when I said the Patriots would win. Take that all you Bear loosers with your crappy management and sub par QB. And how about Junior Seau? Playing the game and dominating your crappy offence with a broken arm... GO PATRIOTS! Even though they didn't play the Colts yesturday, take that Lemke! Eat it! Eat my poop! None of you believed! And hah, nobody believed me that the Chargers would beat the Raiders and they did. I have always loved the Chargers, the Patriots, the Celtics, the NHL, and ..... yeah. EAT IT!!! EAT MY POOP!"

sorry leg. It's way too much fun to steal your thunder, and don't even try to tell me that you weren't up all night wide-eyed looking at the cieling thinking about how you were going to gloat for that huge Patriots win.

i love you

Here were my picks this week, a little late.

Mia over Det
Dal over TB
Den over KC
Min over Ariz
Wash over Car
Cin over Clev
Hou over NYJ
Jax over Buf
NO over Atl
Balt over Pit
SF over StL
SD over Oak
NE over Chi
Ten over NYG
Ind over Phi
Sea over GB

Turkey Day Post

bears
Dolphins
cowboys
chefs
saints
jags
rams
bengals
vikings
jets
panthers
ravens
chargers
giants
colts
packers

Not Fulfilling My Loving Duties

What is WDYL? Is it about football? Yes. Is it about guys? Yes. Is it about Teen Wolf? Yes. But mostly, it is about rants. WDYL without the rant is like deviled eggs without the red mystery dust that is sprinkled on top of them. I of all people know this.

However, every once in a while a guy needs a break. Take today for instance. My brother is in town from Colorado. Yes, I could spend an hour today typing up a kick-ass rant. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to write a quickie and go bond with my bro over ESPN Classic's World Strongest Man marathon. Life's about choices, my friends, and mine is made.

Lions over Fins
Boys over Pewters
Chefs over Bacos
Minny over Denny
Pants over Skins
Bungles over Poops
JETS over Skulls
Jacks over the Buff
Falsucks over Dr. No
Ravens over GTOP
Rams over Prospectors
Bolts over Davises
Pats over Bears
Gmen over Flaming Ts
Indy over Philly Lars eat my boogers
Shawks over Fighting Elbow Ligaments

Hawkwards Week something!!

Miami at Detroit
As an African Lullaby; Mufitunitoo the lion came into the briar, wherehe met a land dolphin. He tried to eat it, but couldn’t believe it, theland dolphin ate him instead, slowly and tail first, while the lion wasstill alive. Pleasant dreams children. I love the Wolphins.

Tampa Bay at Dallas
As from a cowboy’s leather bound journal; Upon the dusk light,shimmering the undergrowth to a cool dusty, yellow, my nose tasted ofsomething unpleasant, and of an unpleasantry unlike that of my comrade.A buccaneer hovered about the valley, so I shot it from afar, with mykeen eye looking westward still, in search of a redemption that smellslike rain. I love the cowboys.

Denver at Kansas City
As an Indian tale; A great chief couldn’t understand what his broncowas saying, the bronco became angry and threw the chief into a ravine.I love the broncos.

Arizona at Minnesota
As a Norse legend; Lars Quintin Forsberry was a Viking warrior whowasn’t too into blunt weaponry and instead would find himself chasinglemurs and eating wolliper berries in the wood. One day he wasfrolicking through the thicket when a cardinal sprite hopped about hisshoulder. Lars opted to eat the bird but for its legs, where upon hegave the bird legs to a gnome for some advice. I love Vikings.

Carolina at Washington
As a black panther rally chant; Power to the people. Power to thepeople. Let’s not let the redskins keep us down. I love the blackpanthers

Cincinnati at Cleveland
As an Ohioan; BUbgles or browns? Bungles or browns? I’ll ask thisquestion again, as I always to during this match up, How did ohio gettwo nfl teams? and it gets funnier every season. I love Bunglies

Houston at N.Y. Jets
As a Texan on a jet; "I love my jet. I bought it with the money I madein that war, and it has a hot tub and a Nintendo Wii, and a kareemabdul Jabaar is my pilot. I love the jets."

Jacksonville at Buffalo
As a conversation between me and someone named Jackson who lives in jacksonville;
Me: Wait, let me get this strait, so your name is Jackson and you live in Jacksonville?
Jackson: Uh, Yep.
Me: That’s awesome!! So did you plan it that way?
Jackson: Yes. Yes I did.
Me: That’s totally f’ed up, man. You’re crazy but I love Jackson.

New Orleans at Atlanta
As a biblical proverb; A Saint is hunched forward while reaching up for his olives. If a Falcon pecks at his hand, how is he to distinguish it from a thorn? I love the Falcon

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
As a hiku; A raven steals. Steel raves. and I steve. I love the ravens even though I don’t actually know what a Hiku is.

San Francisco at St. Louis
As a Ram herder; "I love the Rams"

Oakland at San Diego
As a cell phone salesman after someone has just asked him if he likes the cell phone chargers. " I love the Chargers"

Chicago at New England
As another lie we were told in elementary school about our country; Did you know that early patriots rode on bears instead of horses, because the bears could swipe at enemies while riding? They were precursors to modern day tanks. I love The bears.

N.Y. Giants at Tennessee
As a greek legend; A Titan was walking east under a ¾’s moon, slightly left of his shadow, when a Giant stepped on him. The titan than put on his golden ankle socks and slid out from under the giants foot. They conversed for a while, then parted ways. This is why the ¾’s moon never smiles. I love the Giants.

Philadelphia at Indianapolis
As a Justin Timberlake song; "Uh, I’ll be your colt when I ride your wings. Take me up, uh, into the heavens, uh, and I’ll be the colt riding on top of the eagle in the sky." I love Colts

Green Bay at Seattle
As someone from Green Bay; "Green bay will kick you." I love Seahawks.

Week 12 - Legend signing in

I love D-town over Miamah!!!! We all know for damn well sure that Joey Harrington is a bad, bad QB when he plays in Ford field. Does anybody else think that the Lions playing on Thanksgiving day is a tradition that needs to stop. I mean, what a horribly meaningless game this is. Lions by 7!!!

I love Dallas over the Tampons!!! I’d love to see the TB throwbacks for thanksgiving. The orange, yellow, red, and orange again jerseys are classic. Is Gradkowski black? Dallas by 6!!!

I love KC over the B’cos!!! Alright, the Bcos are in freefall, everybody suddenly loves the Bolts who I’ve vouched for all year, and half the country doesn’t get to watch this game because the NFL network is unavailable. I swear that the NFLN is one step away from Al-Jezeera. KC by 7!!!

I love the Purp!!! Am I silly for picking the Purp? Yes. Will the Cards win this game? Certainly. Have I been right about the Vikes yet this year? Only once. Did I almost jump in front of a train after last weeks loss? Yes. Will the Vikes let me down again this week? Without question. Here’s to dreaming. Vikes by 1!!!

I love the Pants over the Skins!!! Dangerous game here for the Pants, but against a first time QB, and wash-up veterans who have mailed it in, I’ll take the streaking teal cats. Pants by 10!!!

I love the Bengs over the Browns!!! In the rematch for the battle of Ohio, I like Eric Metcalf to return a punt, Anthony Munoz to do some sweet lead blocking, Dwayne Rudd to rip off his helmet mid-play, and Akili Smith to break some ankles. Bengs by 7!!!

I love the JETS over the Texmex!!! Anybody every had the Texmex at Louisiana Café? It’s fascinating. It’s larger than my torso, contains 1 pound of hashbrowns, contains a vegetable I can’t identify, and sit in you for over 10 days. It’s a trip man, and it’s only 9 dollars!!! JETS by 9!!!

I love Buffalo over the Jags!!! Buffalo is a tough place to place, and I suspect that Jags will be up and down all year. Losman by 3!!!

I love the Falcors to break the losing streak!!! See reasoning in the Vikings pick above. Falcons by 3!!!

I love the 9ers over the Rams!!! Man, the Rams are in quite a freefall. And I never thought I’d say it, but the 9ers could take this division from the Shawks if their not careful. You might as well contract that whole division if the 9ers win it. 9ers by 7!!!

I love the Bolts over the Raydahs!!! Remember week one? Enough said! Bolts by 17!!!

I love the Pats over the Bears!!! I expect the Pats to make the Bears look just as silly as they made the Vikes look, and I expect there to be tons of game film to mull over for Bears opponents in weeks to come. Hope you enjoy that LB core Rexy. Pats by 10!!

I love the Ravens over the Steelers!!! Billick should give himself a raise. Ravens by 7!!

I love the Gmen in a rebound game!!! Tits wore baby blue pants on Sunday. Speaking of baby blue, did anybody see the new Jazz jerseys? Did anybody else see that the Jazz are really good. I love the NBA. Gmen by 14!!!

I love the Colts over the Ugglies!!! The Ugglies are going to be a lot more ugly without Donovan and with semi-retard Jeff Garcia!! Colts by 14!!!

I love Seattle over Green Bay!!! Looks like Favre will play and that the NFC north doesn’t have to worry about Aaron Rodgers have a consecutive game streak like Favre’s for the next 15 years. Shawks by 7!!!

RANT POINT RIOT

What is a rant point anyway? Just so everyone knows, I'm awesome because I'm winning, and I also feel filthy for winning ties by virtue of rant point, which has happened both times I played freebone and art. I'll just say this: If both players take the time it takes to rant on blogger (which for me is hours during the time at work I'm being payed to educate youth) Lars shouldn't have the final say. If one rants and anther doesn't and they tye, the ranter should win. I don't know the final solution, but we need to refine this system. Right now I'm pumpin Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" on the iTunes. It seems to help, next up is "war", followed by some Rage Against the Machine.

Today I do have a life, so I deserve some quick pics. This week is in my opinion the hardest so far- There are almost no safe pics. I might win out, or I might get skunked. We'll see.

I LOVE the Phins over the MotorCityKities!

I LOVE the BROKEBACKS over the TAMPONS!

I LOve the CHEFS over the BACOS!

I LOve the PURP over the CARDS! Theres a feeling of urgency in the air. If they loose this week all hell might break loose.

I love the PANTS over the SKINS!

I Love the BAGLES over POOPSTAINS!

I LOVE the J.E.T.S. over the Cowskulls!

I LOVE BARFELLO over the Jag-oooo-wahs!

I LOVE the Falcors over the Aints!

I LOVE the RAVEENS over the GAY TACONITE ORE PROCESSORS!

I LOVE the EWES over the CRUSTY PROSPECTORS!

I LOVE the Bolts over the RAY-DUHS!

I LOVE da BERS over the PATS! Sorry Lars. I grew up in New England too.

I LOVE the GENTS over the Mighty TEETS!

I LOVE the CULTS to rebound over the quaterback-less UGLIES!

and

I LOVE THE SHAWKS over the PACK and Farve's bum elbow!


later

In Memoriam NFC

I LOVE the Ravecors over the Falsucks - because they're not the Falsucks.

I LOVE the Texmex over the Large Furry Cowhunter - It says here J.P. Losman looks like a supersized, incompetent version of Doug Flutie.

I LOVE the Bears over the Jets - I think Grossman has an evil twin who occasionally kidnaps and takes his place in games.

I LOVE the Aints over the Bungles - Aints can't stop anyone, but neither can bungles, and Aints are America's team. It's unpatriotic to pick against them.

I LOVE the Phins over the Vikes - It's ironic that for all those years the Vikes offense was awesome but their defense sucked so bad they couldn't get over the hump. Now they've got a great defense and they've got Brad Johnson "managing" the offense.

I LOVE the Pats over the Pack - No way Brady loses three in a row.

I LOVE the Chefs over the Oaks - No way I'm ever picking the Oaks again.

I LOVE the Steelers over the Browns - W. Parker runs over 397 yards and Reuben Droughns has a lot of extra letters in his name.

I LOVE the Pants over the Rams - I've picked the Rams like 4 weeks in a row, and they've lost like 4 weeks in a row. Twice I've picked them over the S-hawks...and twice they've lost on last-second field goals. No more, Rams, no more.

I LOVE the Ugglies. Who are they playing?

I LOVE the Tampons over the Skins - Cadillac needs an oil change, though.

I LOVE Cards over Lions - I'm picking the Cards every week, cuz surely they have to win again sometime, right?

I LOVE the Shawks over the Fighting Stadium Deals - Where the frick is Santa Clara, anyway?

I LOVE the Indy 500 over the Sixth-Round QBs - I really feel like Lars is picking on me, and it hurts man. Is this still because of that thing with the pickled herring? It was totally an accident. How could I know that the brakes wouldn't work and your hands would swell up to the size of a normal persons?

I LOVE the Bolts over the Bcos - Can't wait for Merriman, can't wait for Merriman, can't wait...

I LOVE the Gs over the Jacks - I give up on picking either of these teams. Can I pick apathy?