NFL Network my skinny white Ass!!!

Lars, you need to work on your rant point math. Yes, the Dell decision is now correct, but then you gave me the W last week because of my rant point. However, guess what? I'm out of rant points. I had two, used one, and then used the second one last week against Dell, so you and I should have tied. However, I demand a rant point this week for being very honest with you. It's kind of like in high school when you got a test back and had gotten a 97 percent. But then you realized that the teacher had not marked one that was incorrect. So, you turned yourself in knowing that in all likelihood she would not deduct the points. Thus, you've scored some major brownie points without compromising your 97 percent. At least that's what I've heard would happen, I never did that, all of you shut the hell up.

I LOVED the Ravens, even though I should have known better, and they lost.

I LOVE the Rams, but only because they're playing the Cardinals.

I HATE the Falsucks but think they will win. My feeling this game is similar to Lars' feeling on chafing.

I LOVE the Pats and Tedy Bruschi's gangly arms. I always hated Bruschi, but now that he had a stroke and made a courageous comeback, I feel as though I'm no longer allowed to hate him and his gangly arms. Damn you Bruschi, and your stroke too.

I LOVE the Colts and Lars kiss my dog's butt.

I LOVE KC in the retina-burning game of the year. One of you art types, can you please explain the Chiefs uniforms to me. They're red, but that can't be the only thing they are. Red is not a bad color necessarily. What is it about those unis that make me feel like I'm in an insane asylum having electricity zapped into my brain while eating barbecue sauce and listening to Twisted Sister?

I LOVE the Bears. Everybody's talking about the Vikes like they're actually something. Ok, your offense scored more points last game than it had all year. But hello, you were playing the CARDINALS. The Steel Curtain they're not. And you allowed Matt Leinart to throw for 893 yards and have a shot in the end zone to win. Yeah, this team's going places.

I LOVE GB. Brett Favre is to Chad Pennington as an Energizer Battery is to:

A: A Daisy
B: Papier mache
C: A Roaming Cell phone on vibrate
D: Erectile Dysfunction

I LOVE Buffalo. Two words: Lake effect snow. That's right people, we've all seen it, we've all had it bury out tires and get in the tops of our shoes, making our socks soggy. LT, have you ever tried to throw a pass to Eric Parker with soggy socks? I didn't think so.

I LOVE NO over SF. Mike Mackenzie is a poor man's Ray Crockett.

I LOVE Oakland. I am so excited for the John Shoop era. I can't wait to watch the Raiders find unexplored ways to screw up. I feel like they were getting a little too comfortable with the ways they were screwing up for Tom Walsh. It was time for a shakeup, one that I feel can really push this team to new heights.

I LOVE Miami over Jacksonville. This game needs a nickname. I'm thinking The Battle for Sunshine State Supremacy Not Counting Tampa Bay.

I LOVE the G-men. I'm picking against the Boys every week because Romo has to lose someday.

I LOVE Pittsburgh because I'm stupid and think they have to win sometime.

I LOVE Seattle. There are two axioms I live my life by. The first is never leave your shoes untied when there's a giant Hungarian using your bathroom. Nearly as important is the second: Never pick a rookie QB in his first start.

I LOVE the Pants. Jeff Garcia will throw four picks, but at least no one will be talking about how bald he is or calling him gay.