week 9- Legend signing in

I love the Rams in the battle for Missouri!!! Sweet, first pick and there are no NBA teams in Missouri. I love how this is going. On the other hand, there are a few in-state rivalries that mean something in the NBA. Mavs-Spurs, Lakers/Clips, no forget it, the NBA doesn’t have rivalries. I hate the way this is going. Rams by Trent Green still talking to his garbage disposal!!!

I love the G-men over the Texans!!! Two interesting stories in this NBA season: 1) How long until Isaiah Thomas get fired and sued for 268 millions dollars for all the bad contracts he took on. It’s great to know that when my grandchildren are watching the NBA, the Knicks will still be paying 15 million dollars a year to Jerome “Junk Yard Dog” Williams, Jared “I can’t believe I’m still riding a lucky final four berth” Jeffries, and Stephon “Holy s*%*#*%, I could be playing with Garnett right now” Marbury. 2) Will Jeff Van Gundy look more like a chemotherapy patient each game that McGrady misses games due to a sore tummy, light headache, or morning sickness? Seriously, I’ve said it for years, no guy gets paid more money to disappear when needed. I think while most coaches heads would explode, Van Gundy’s actually shrinks under pressure. G-men by 14!!!

I love the Jags over the Ta-tas!!! I just read the Memphis Grizzles lineup on opening night, yes those Grizzlies that lost in triple overtime to the Knicks. You talk about NCAA scrubs (Dahntay Jones, Brain Cardinal, Lawrence Roberts), strange white men (Mike Miller, Jake Tsakalidis), and guys who were washed up ten years ago (Eddie Jones, Stoudimire). Look at that roster and tell me that’s a playoff team. On the bright side, Gasol looks like a uni-bomber. Jags by 6!!!

I love the Tampons over the Pietists!!! I just figured out, after what, 6 years, who Tyson Chandler reminds me of. Now, I like him of defense – good shot blocker, good rebounder, but on offense he is basically a darker skinned Rob Anderson. When Rob played in highschool, he missed the jersey hand out day Sophomore year and was given number 19 (a classic hack number) and shorts from 1988. You could almost see his leg pubes when he was running and trying to pull his shorts down to hide his thunder. It was hilarious. That’s pretty much Tyson. I love the tampons at home by 7!!!

I love the Skins over the Boys!!! Wizards jerseys are my fourth least favorite logo/jersey combo (behind NO, PHX, NJ). As Timmb once put it, the Wizards blue jersey is the kind of jersey you expect to see on a female keyboard player in a Contemporary Christian rock band. She would also be wearing a Dr. Suess Mad hatter hat. As far as Dallas goes, can we officially mock Hubie Brown. He doesn’t get mocked real often b/c he’s usually right, but I remember him saying numerous times that Dirk plays a lot like Larry Bird. Put it to rest, there will never be another Larry. God bless the true Legend. Skins in the upset!!

I love the Bears over Miamah!!! Pretty much should look like Bulls/Heat game on Tuesday. Three questions for the Bulls (who I am excitedly cheering for this year): 1) can you really win without a set rotation? I love Skiles going twelve deep on a nightly basis, I think it’s genius. The only problem is that the last champ to go 12 deep was the Pistons in 89. From 1-8, there is no way that the Bulls are as good as that team. 2) If Wallace and Brown can only give you a combined 10 points a game in the front court, can the bulls win a game if they shoot under 40% from the field? Are you listening Ben Gordon? And 3) What the hell happened to Rusty Larue? Loved that guy. Bears by 7!!!

I love the Bills over the Pack!!! I was thinking about the Villenueva/T.J. Ford trade in the off season. Has there ever been a trade with such high-picks that received so little hype and accomplished so little for either team? It’s the strangest trade to figure out. Won’t put extra wins on the board for either team, doesn’t seem to address gaping holes. It’s just weird. Has anybody noticed that you put dreadlocks on Charlie Villenueva and he is whoppi Goldberg. I’m not kidding. Bills by 3!!!!

I love the Bengs over the Ravens!!! I’ll take the Orange over the Purple. Speaking of orange and purple, is it just me, or is Steve Nash the Dan Marino/Peyton Manning of the NBA? Great player, MVP, makes everyone better, gets to the big games and his team looks like Mophats in a Grandmahs intramural b-ball game with his hands on his knees at half-court saying “No I’m good, I don’t need a sub”? I know the Suns are a trendy pick, but I’ll go with the Mavs in the west. Bengs by 10!!1

I love the Lions over the Falcors!!! Why can’t the Hawks be more like the Falcons? We know for a fact that the Hawks are a horrible team. When they say that they should blow up that franchise, I think that they actually want someone to literally blow that team up. Seriously, for my part, I’d stick the Falcors in there with them. Just put all of Atlanta sports team in the Georgia dome (but leave out Ilya Kovalchuk, guy’s a beast and the Wild could use him) and blow it up. Lions by reverse psychology!!!

I love the Purp in a rebound game!!! Wow, tons to cheer for in MN basketball this year huh? Garnett will be gone by February, our multi-million point guard might as well cherry pick all game with his defense, and the Gophers will be lucky to make the NIT. At least Minnesotans can go to the Barn for a basketball experience unlike any other. I miss Ernest Nzigamazabo. Purp by 11!!!

I love the B’cos in Steel town!!! Yeah, the Nuggets should be fun to watch. Nobody on the team can shoot, Kenyon Martin dunks and loses his mouth guard every 5 seconds, their power forward is a nut grabber, and they’ve got 5 below average front court brutes who can’t stay healthy. We can only hope that George Karl wears a retro Nuggets jersey over an XXXL white turtle neck again. I loved that look. Bcos by 10!!!

I love the Bolts over the Poop!!! If I have to watch the “Lebrons” commercial one more time I’m going to scratch my cornea with a Tortilla chip. That commercial series is now number 5 in the top five “shoot me in the head” sports commercial series of all time: 4) the Dennis Hopper NFL ones where he likened Hardy Nickerson to a locomotive, man those were horrible, 3) Yao Ming’s “Cenn Ah whiite ah tek”/ Yo-Yao-Yogi Visa commericials. Just kill me now. 2) The current “4 days till Monday” ESPN commericials. My gosh, I didn’t know they were going to do this campaign all year. I guess ESPN is better at self-promotion than anyone. And 1) Gatorade commercial where Peyton Manning is born out of a football. It’s cool when it’s Garnett but I keep expecting Peyton to be born and say, “D-Caf, D-Caf”. Three days till Monday. Bolts by 10!!!

You know I love the Pats over the Colts!!! 5 questions for the Celtics: 1) can Bassy Telfair leave his pot, firearms, and cockfights at home long enough to run and offense? 50 bucks that Rajon Rondo will be starting in 2 months. Mark my words. Which leads me to 2) How long can Ainge keep his job after everyone realizes that he essentially traded the rights to Brandon Roy or Randy Foye for Bassy? 3) How long will Doc Rivers keep his job when people realize that he’s playing Ryan Gomes (a 6-6 wing player) at power forward? 4) How long until Kevin Pittsnogle gets angry and rips off his face to reveal that his is an alien? 5) What can the Celts get for a certain Mr. Pierce in February? That’s right, I’m ready to turn the page here and make a run at a few high draft picks. I love you Paul. Pats by 9!!!

I love the Shawks over the Ray-dars!!! I think the Sonics could get back into the play-offs this year. I love Ridnour and Allen. I also love the front court of Lewis and Wilcox (what a steal Wilcox was, my gosh). They could sneak up on some of the week Western squads. I expect the Warriors however to look like the Raiders and rely too heavily on Chris Mullins perfect flattop. Hawks by 14!!!

Predictions:
MVP: Lebron
Most Improved: Leandro Barbosa
ROY: Morrison
Sixth Man: Nocioni
Champs: Cavs over Mavs in 6