Perhaps you missed the single biggest news story of the past week- Bigger than the Democrats taking over Washington, bigger than Saddam sentenced to death by hanging, bigger in fact, than the NFL itself. May favorite 80’s band, Genesis, is reuniting with front man Phil Collins to mount a world tour!!!! I have disowned my family and moved out of my house and into a tent outside Target center for the eventual concert next year sometime.
I LOVE the Raveens over the Teets! “That’s All”
“It’s always the same, It’s just a shame, that’s all.” You know what you’re gonna get with the Ravens. That’s why they drive me crazy. Solid D play, at least 2 defensive scores and a mediocre offence. I don’t give the teets much of a chance, and yes Lars, Vince Young does have pudgy cheeks, but I was thinking more along the lines of the older brother from Family matters… what was his name, Eddie?
I LOVE the Cults over Barfalo. “Jesus He Knows Me”
Lars, its tough for me to outright Hate the colts, because Tony Dungy has the Jesus in him. He strikes me as the kind of coach who really cares- I bet he takes the colts out to Dairy Queen after every game, win or loss. Jesus, he knows Tony Dungy, and he knows he's right.
I SUPPOSE I LOVE to Falcors over the Skidmarks!
I’d like to completely forget about Genesis here and stick in “I Hate Everything About You” by Ugly Kid Joe. I have incorrectly picked the Falcons every single game this season, and I swear on my life, if they loose this game (which they probably will) I will personally dowse myself in Karosene and burn Buddhist monk style in protest.
I LOVE the PACK over the PURP! “In too Deep”
This pick is certainly a stretch, but I have zero confidence in the Vikes offence, and as long as the receivers can’t catch a damn ball, all the pack have to do is stop the run and not turn the ball over (a stretch with Favre I know). Still, I’m picking the pack in protest. To my beloved Vikes: “You know I love you but I just-can’t-take-this…”
I LOVE the Jag-ooo-ahs over the Cowskulls! “Follow You, Follow Me”
I’m not sold on either team right now. 9 weeks ago I figured Jax to make big waves this year, but they’ve come back down and the Texans, resembling a pile of crap, are always a good O Line block from the long ball. I think this game will be high scoring and back and forth, thus “follow you follow me”.
I LOVE the Chefs over the Phins! “ Hold on my Heart”
This song still dominates lite FM, and would be perfect for the 2006 Dolphins video soundtrack. Sure, they beat up on the cocky Bears last week, but inside, the hurt is deep and real. I have to believe there’s some real emotion underneith the surface. Right now, Joey Harrington pines for victory while singing to himself “If I can recall this feeling, I know there’s a chance, I WILL BE THERE!!!”
I LOVE the Pats over the J.E.T.S.!
I’m sticking in a Phil Collins solo track here: “Billy Don’t You Loose That Number”. Bill Belechic, don’t forget that number 12 has single handedly led your teem like a zen master. By the way, has there ever been a dumber song title? The lyrics are basically a conversation about nothing between 2 dudes. I should write a song called, “No Thank You and Please Take Me Off Your Calling List” or “I’ll Get Up And Change Ben’s Poopy Diaper at 3am”.
I LOVE the Bagles over the Bolts! “Misunderstanding”
Wow- here’s another stretch… What happened to the Bangles? Weren’t they supposed to be good? Weren’t they supposed to continue upward? Don’t they basically have the same team but with a lot more distractions? “There must be, there must be, Oh-whoa-ooo-whoa, a mis-und-erstanding….” As for the bolts, in recent weeks they haven’t looked so good on cross country road trips-
I LOVE the Motorcitykittys over the Crusty Gold Prospectors! “Land of Confusion”
Forget that this is the dullest match of the week…. These teams, dispite spots of success, are both totally confused and lost. In fact, you could say of these teams “there’s too many men, too many people, making too many problems, and not much love to go round.” Perhaps Phil Collins is right. Maybe they just need to spread more love. Great song.
I LOVE the Baco’s over the Ray-duhs! “Invisible Touch”
This song is a shout out to the Raiders Defence and thier Offensive line, who basically have been invisibly touching opposing teams all season. They can’t stop anyone. Listen to this assessment: “She don’t like loosing, but her it’s just a game… And she will mess up your life, you’re never quite the same.” Who is the “She” in that sentence? Because he’s the only one aside from Bill Parcells with breasts, my bet is Art Shell.
I LOVE the Uglies over the Skins! “I Can’t Dance”
For as up and down as these teams are, is there anyone anywhere that actually believes they can go places in the playoffs? Of course not… These are 2 mediocre teams who think they rule. Trust me, they can’t dance…..
I LOVE the Brokebacks over the Old Catholic Leaders! “No Son of Mine”
If there’s any team that fits the mold of a poor neglected son who was thrown under the bus and kicked out of the house by his dad, it’s Arizona. They really suck, and it has everything to do with coaching. How could they fire Denny mid season when every single assistant coach down to the trainers are his peeps? It seems for this season that the country points and laughs, and feels a little better to not be the cards. My brother is the lone exception.
I LOVE the Gay Taconite Ore Processors over the Aints! “Throwing it All Away”
One of the greatest songs ever, and totally fitting. How has Pittsburgh turned so sour? These last few weeks its been all Big Ben and the obvious effects of his concussion. I don’t think they can loose this week again, especially at home. They “watch the world go round and round, and see theirs turning upside down”.
I LOVE the SHAWKS over the EWES! “ABACAB”
Lars is right- This division sucks. I couldn’t care less about this game, even though these teams have a rivalry. I have no idea what to expect and don’t really care. Who has any clue what Abacab means? Listen to the lyrics: “Abacab! Is it anywhere? Abacab! I don’t really care… Abacab!” What the Hell?
I LOVE da Bers to bounce back over the Gents! “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight”
Wow, what a great matchup- This will be a real test for the Bears… If any team is “Comin’ down, Comin’ down like a monkey” it’s the Bears, and don’t you know its alright. They’re gonna make it right and punish the Giants like they’re the lowly dolphins. To Rex Grossman: “You keep telling me you’ve got everything, you‘ve got everything I want… and you keep telling me youre gonna help me, you’re gonna help me, but you don’t.” He better make a big comeback and not look like a 3rd stringer again this week.
I'm saying right now that "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" should replace "Are you ready for some football?" as the official MNF song- just think about all the team lyrics you could write into that one...
I LOVE the Pants over the Tampons! "Congo"
There was a brief year or 2 in there ater Phil Collins left the band where Genesis found a totally random new singer who sounded nothing like him. They tried to release a single called Congo and it remains one of the worst songs of all time. I actually feel embarassed for the band listening to it. This game is a really sucky MNF game. will have nothing to do with it.
Dell out.
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