Hans' On the Road

Balt vs Bung
I would also like to express my dislike of this years new cable only games. Who do they think we are? It’s not like we are still living with our parents, leeching their cable, and vanilla ice cream. I love bungles.

Zona vs St. Louna
I saw a ram once, in Yellowstone or somewhere out west? What a goofy animal. I love the rams.

Tlanna vs Wash
One time I saw Al Sharpton in a hotel bar that was closed. They had apparently opened it for him and he was sitting by hiself drinking scotch, staring out the window. His body guards were nearby sleeping while standing. I love politicians. I love Washington DC

Det vs Engla
I’ve never been to Detroit and I’m not really sure what New England is? I love Patties.

Indian vs tennis
I went to horse camp once with david, my brother, and his horse always tried to scrape david off his back by running into the woods and rubbing his back on branches. I think I got mad at him for not knowing how to control his horse, but it was the funniest thing ever, and I also truly knew that the horse was crazy. Later the horse faked an injury so david would have to walk by it instead of ride it. I love colts.

Kans vs Cleves
I spent a night in Cleveland once, with my wife, Marianne. Talk about a ghost town. During rush hour, Cleveland is like St, Paul after 8pm. Dead/ I love KC

Sota vs cago
With a big snow storm on the way, it’s amazing how lame Chicagoens are, when it comes to cold and snowy weather. I mean all they do is complain. Kind of like Rex complaining that the Vikes talk too much trash. What a baby. I love Vikes

Jets vs Packs
I’ve never been to Green Bay. But my family has a cabin on an island in lake supurior, which is officially in Wisconsin. When I’m there, I do a lot of hovering so I don’t have to touch Wisconsin. But hey, even though I really like the jets, I’m gona pic The packs on this one. I love GB and D. Driver.

Diego vs Buffs
I drove through Buffalo once, with Luke Merchy and his Parents. 18 hours with Mech’s parents, by the end of the trip I was curled up on the floor whispering Redrum. I love Diego

San Fran vs New O
I once had a chance to go to San Fran, but got the flu and had to stay in my log cabin all by myself for a week. With no flu medicine, and no TV. The only thing I could do was stare at this horrible painting hanging above my sofa all day. I started dreaming of ways I could destroy it. I hated it. Luckily I had a laptop with that windows Pinball game on it. 20,000,000 points. Probably the highest score ever in that game. I love new Orl

Jack vs Mia
I love the dolphins logo. It looks like a handicapped dolphin. With that helmet. It looks like those pictures of jeff Holmberg when he had to wear a helmet cause he ran into a mail box and they were afraid of him getting brain damage. I love dolphins

Hou vs Oak
I’m not a huge fan of texas. I drove through it with Nate Stromdell once. It was like 123 degrees and we both were sweaty and stinky in his oldsmobile. It was like a desert littered with walmarts and fat people. Thank god for everything west of texas. (except for the petrified forest, that sucked too). Also we camped at the north rim of the Grand canyon, probably in my top five of coolest places ever. I love Oak.

Dallus vs Gniantgs
I almost killed a crotch rocket in new york once. I now understand those bumper stickers, Start Seeing Motorcycles. Seriously though, I think his right hand glove nicked my mirror. He still somehow managed to shake his fist at me at 120 miles per hour. I love Cowboys.

Tamp vs Pitt
I drove through pittsburg once. Shortly after having my own Meet the Parents experience 80 times worse than the movie. Not only did my soon to be father in law take me out to breakfast and have a sex talk with me, at Friendlys, but the following night I didn’t say “in Jesus name” before I said Amen at the dinner table and this triggered a fiasco that involved me fearing for my life, him almost hitting me, the cops almost being called, and me hiding in bushes. Needless to say, my father-in-law is a bit out there. I love Pittsburg.

Seatt vs Den
I remember taking a train to seattle, and arriving at 4 in the morning to find that the next train was canceled due to a landslide. I was on my way to stu luckman’s island home in the San Juan Islands. I somehow took 6 different buses and found my way to the ferry (5 hours from seattle) and found out that stu had thought he was supposed to pick me up in seattle so he drove half way down when his truck broke down. He got it fixed and realized I was at the ferry, came back and picked me up. We took the ferry to the island and I realized that I had forgotten my back pack on the mainland at the ferry dock. I thought he was gona kill me. Pleasant weekend though. I love Seattle.

Carol vs Phil
I don’t know what to say about these two places. Never been. I love Carol.